since then
my demons have crawled down my throat and nestled their way into my very being
i have regurgitated all happiness that once clung to my body
and siphoned the hope out of my heart

i have spent entire nights calculating how many mg's it would take to reach the brink but not step over
and wondered what it would be like to free fall into oblivion

i have been hospitalized three times
and drawn my own blood countless times
hoping that if i practice enough i could create a masterpiece

i have also found atomic love
the kind that rattles your bones and draws you closer to the sun than you ever thought you'd get
but bombs tend to detonate and i broke my own heart

i have made my mother cry begging me to eat
curled up in the bed next to her and cried until i fell asleep

since then my world has shifted on it's axis
and come to a complete halt
.

I am a runner.
I run from the truth,
I run from the lies.
I run from possibilities,
I run towards my demise.
I run from the chances,
I run from any and all.
I run from my pain,
I run from happiness...
I just hope that I can keep
From running from you.
I am a runner...
In the past that's all I knew,
Now I have a chance at staying too.

I've always been a runner it's true;
But maybe I can be a fighter too.

Amiss am I, awry I be, with thought's not of this sphere, O' how I thinkest of the real me. The real me with none dermis, the reality of none colored blood. I'm katharí psychí;
Of the empyrean love.

Wherein the substance and materials aren't bought, nor sold; I'm sick of the greed, the wantonness, that makes monsters out of men.

I've experienced wantonness, though verily it doesn't please me, I've tasted Lust's, and lust conceives sin;
Sin leadeth to death.

Lord Almighty, protect me from the demon's that never rest, nor do they sleep;

They art witty, unforgiving, they make men's heart's their places to eat and invest.

Renew me Yahweh in this mortal stress, keep mine eye's on thee; O'
Mighty king.

Free me of mine burdens;
And mine restlessness.

Let thine light,
Overshadow me.

© Brandon nagley
© Lonesome poet's poetry