since then
my demons have crawled down my throat and nestled their way into my very being
i have regurgitated all happiness that once clung to my body
and siphoned the hope out of my heart

i have spent entire nights calculating how many mg's it would take to reach the brink but not step over
and wondered what it would be like to free fall into oblivion

i have been hospitalized three times
and drawn my own blood countless times
hoping that if i practice enough i could create a masterpiece

i have also found atomic love
the kind that rattles your bones and draws you closer to the sun than you ever thought you'd get
but bombs tend to detonate and i broke my own heart

i have made my mother cry begging me to eat
curled up in the bed next to her and cried until i fell asleep

since then my world has shifted on it's axis
and come to a complete halt
.