today
i am a winter girl
with hands like ice
and a body temp of 20 below

today i am an anorexic
eating reluctant bite
after reluctant bite
counting each and every calorie
trying to calm my nerves

today i am a **** up daughter
who drove her car off the road
and lied to her parents saying
"someone else caused it"

not today, but every day
i am withering more and more
color fading
desire dwindling

standing on the edge
soaking it all in
while i think about
yesterdays surgery
and what the results mean
it looks real, tastes real
feels real, but
i'm too tired to appreciate
despite all that's created
i'm still so lost
and i want to believe
that the way i am doesn't
have to be the way it is
why can't it just be how i wanted?

i sat in church
only to find
the devil at the pulpit

i went to the club
and happened to see
an angel on the dance floor

i've heard that god
is always listening
but i've seen the devil
and his arms were wide open

yeah, i understand your feelings painfully well.. and..
it's your kindness that tears me apart.