You can be a boulder,
Unmoveable, hard, stoic;
But every stone is permeable,
And the water gets in
To make the rock sand...
Soft, malleable,
With indistinguishable grains.

I know others who swim
Against adversity to spawn in the current.
They believe destination is destiny;
Focussed, driven with tunnel vision.

Some face adversity like a roller-coaster.
When things are going north, all is good;
But they throw up their arms and scream
When going south.

I will catch the west wind,
Change course if necessary,
Tack across the white caps of roiling waters.
I will steer the rudder towards my East.

Forever isn't really long,
We call it Love in a two minute song.
I've witnessed it in my cat's jaws,
Saw a dove impaled on eagle's claws.
It's a moment in grasslands and water,
A flash of colour, then the slaughter.
It's a nanosecond at conception,
It's a blitzgried in insurrection.
It has no width, length or depth,
It continues the second of our last breath.

the moment i realized i Really hated you was when i heard you called me a disgusting feminist
was the moment i realized that you have no respect for my life
or any life besides your own
when i offered myself you gladly took
but never reached in return

i wish my brain could just open up and **** you in
explaining everything i have ever felt but instead
i will stuff my mouth so words won't come out
and i will deal with the pain and pity alone

i have lived with you for an entire year but i don't think i have hated someone so much in my entire life
you have seen me every day but you have never studied my body
i have never seen your shadows
i surrendered all of myself but you just cut off a fraction

1
i was in third grade when i was walking with my cousins who were thirteen and newly matured when men screamed at them
i was told not to worry that when i was old
they would do it to me, too
that it would happen to me someday soon
i would get the privilege of a man honking at the sight of my legs

i was in 4th grade when my choir director would wipe my tears and tell me
i wasn't fat when everyone else told me i was
i had the prettiest voice and i
could go digging for chocolates in his pockets
for being the best girl

i was in 6th grade when a boy in art class would slide his hand up my thigh while the teacher wasn't there
he hated me he said
i was fat

it was 6th grade when i was followed home by the man in the yellow house but everyone still says i was just scared
he still looks at me funny

i was in seventh grade when i blushed at my first cat call and held it with pride
i was old enough for this now
some boys didn't think i was fat i was a prize
i told everyone

it was seventh grade when i was at my locker
there was a breath on my neck
close your legs it smells like fish

i was seventeen when i thought i had My Own Moment
how bad do you want it he said
i think you're bleeding he said

i was in the eleventh grade when i tried to make it stop
shhh just enjoy it
i still wear those underwear

i want to know why i hate my body and crumble in fear when i see it
why did i hold my belly and ask my mom if i was fat
at age three

2
i was eighteen when i started ******* to correct the mistakes
taking off my clothes for the men who ask to see my ***** on a pixelated cellphone screen
i'm not allowed to linger on anyone's skin

my purpose on this earth is not to make you ***
there are fires inside me that you could never put out

do not **** me while on a conquest for something better
i am not available at the gas station
on your pit stop to a better place

i want to be ****** in my favorite dress
by someone who takes the time
to learn my last name

i don't want to wash your beer spilt clothes from last saturday night
because this tshirt has your spit on it
in my dreams we are reckless and we will share cigarettes so we get the same cancer
i'll listen to the city and get high in your room
maybe we will talk about things
Bigger than Us
and we will touch and every one of my nerves will understand that
You Are Here
i'll cut your hair and feel you in my hands
it's the biggest part of You
you will ever give to me

you are your mother's daughter
separately

anxious bugs attack with ice picks to the back of my head and go
crawling into the labyrinth
do not let them dig into the Very Bad Thoughts in the back of your head

the reason i watch so much tv at night is to stifle the racing

(just drift)

some eyes stare at the tv in that certain way when they're ****** that they look like serial killers
eyes bulging with no feeling as if  they just stabbed their lover fifty times because
they are disinterested
i can't help but imagine everyone as stereotypical 35-year-old adults
if i am creating their future selves
does that make me psychic