You told me not to go back
Alas I did not listen.
Into the past I went
Both fears and bad memories
Staring at me in the face.
Things I'd wish I'd never seen
Heard-
Or felt.
They want me to stay.

Forbidden to leave
And lost in the past
I should have listened to you
I shouldn't have gone back.

See that bed?
That's where he had his heart attack
When my dad was alive.

See that hospital?
That's where he was
When my dad was alive.

See those chairs?
We sat there waiting
When my dad was alive.

See those double doors?
I walked through those
When my dad was alive.

See that fountain?
I used to see it everyday
When my dad was alive.

See that cafeteria booth?
That's where me and my family ate
When my dad was alive.

See that nurse?
I think she might recognize me from
When my dad was alive.

See that couch?
That's where I sat
When I learned
That my dad had died.

Toxic lies
Coming out of your mouth
Your toxic love
Covering me in faux happiness
The toxic substances
I've had to consume
To get your toxic personality
Out of my head

Throughout my life,
All the adults would tell me-
Follow your heart
Follow your dreams

But what I really wanted to hear was
**You know what, Megan?
Forget about following,
How about you lead?

I followed you to the river
Because you promised to keep me afloat.
We stopped at the deepest point
And you let me go
And I was sinking
Sinking
And I was drowning
Drowning
The last thing I saw
Was your face looking at me
Through the ripples in the water.

Step into the light,
They said.
Open the blinds,
And maybe you'll find your way.
The sun shall guide you
To wherever you need to be,
The happiness you've dreamed of
For all of eternity*

But my friend,
I replied.
The life in which I live,
I am satisfied.
The moon guides me throughout the night,
And to be honest,
It is best if I stay out of the light.
The darkness has consumed me,
We have become one
In fact,
Now I can see better in the dark,
Than I can in the sun.

I walked away without a word more,
Into the darkness
In which I continued fighting my war.

Waiting on the beach
For the ship to come back.
Waiting for years
For a mythical life
The time I have waited
For your ship to return,
But you saw your way home
And I am in denial
You are never coming back

Food runs scarce
And fresh water is hard to find
I shall die before I realize,
I can make my own boat to survive.