And in all my life
I thought about
How wonderful it would be
To be a bird
To fly gracefully above the world
Above all the seas
Traveling with many companions
All the world questioning my adventures
To die a beautiful short life
But a meaningful one,
Without my knowledge of time.

I scrubbed
And I disinfected
Leaving no stains
On me
On my past

You're the book
I've read many times before.
The one with the protagonist
Who does all the wrong things
Who doesn't see the wrong things
Others are doing to them
Behind their backs.
All I can do is scream at them
Even though they will not hear me.
I become so frustrated,
Yet I continue to turn the page
To see what will happen next
Even though
I already know the ending to this book.

I travelled place to place
Looking for something I needed
From Texas to Europe
To New York and Mexico.
I could not find it
What is this thing
I wondered
That they call living?
I looked everywhere
Carefully planning my future
But then
One day I turned around.
I saw all of my past experiences behind me
The good times
The bad times
The nights I felt alive
And I simply said
*oh.

I was built-
In frigid cold
Under painful circumstances
So delicate
Fragile, I was
When they created me.
They built me up from the ground,
Where I had fallen
Carefully they picked me up
Plastered a new nose on my face
Two black eyes
Two very empty eyes
And a smile.
A smile that would always fall off
I was finally something new
Not better,
Just different.
I believed I had been saved.
Until the day I realized,
I had been
Created in the coldest depths
Of other people's souls
Who gave me empty eyes
And a broken smile.
They made a snowman
And left me out in the cold
Because once they made me
I had no more use
Left alone to die
Waiting for-
The first wave of heat to come along.

I'm an angel,
They said.
But they don't know me.

A poem created in a head-
Lost before it can be written down,
Is a true tragedy.
A story that will never be told
Words that will never be released
Forever ******
To the graveyard
Of forgotten memories
And the crypts
Of stolen livelihood.