I drove by your house this afternoon
On an errand of a sort other than nostalgia
Looking down the way, I saw your place
I remembered the last time I drove by you

After work I visited you at night
I drove in the dark, I arrived and I parked
And bounded your dimly lit staircase
In a familiar place, I saw your lovely face
And we would melt together in an embrace

You would lead me to your room
I'd close the door, remove my shoes
And we would laugh as I told the night's stories
Then you would kneel over me
And us two became we
But the details are too painful to think of

I remembered loving you today
It was so beautifully excrutiating , I couldn't stay
I turned down another street, feeling so incomplete
Because I can't think of you another way

If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you

Dear heartache,
I cannot say that I know you well,
I have never been in love
But I have loved,
Have loved deeply and quickly and without question,
Have loved quietly and cowardly,
Have been loved back.

Dear heartache,
I just wanted to know why you're still
Hanging around here,
Why you keep dropping by
When I have guests over,
They never stay once you show up.

Dear heartache,
I've only known you on the surface,
Have never known the right questions to ask
But I have memorized the structure of your being,
Can describe the color of your eyes down to every fleck of red-brown,
Can still feel every callous on your palm when I think about you,
You have become so commonplace.

Dear heartache,
I think I know what you're doing,
Think I have thought my way through your facade,
I think you are in love with love;
Think you have been following her around for so long
That you couldn't bare to let her go now,
Think you always show up too late,
Show up just as she walks out the door.

Dear heartache,
I cannot say that I know you well,
Cannot say that you have made a home for yourself
Somewhere within me,
Can only stand within your reach
And hope that someday while you are chasing love
She will find me.

My heart ached

For a voice I couldn't unhear.
For a touch as familiar as the suns light.
For eyes that could only see my soul.
For promises I could never hold him to.
For answers to questions I couldn't ask.
And for comfort I didn't deserve.

But most of all my heart ached to just not ache
For one day
For one hour
For one minute
Without him.

And the problem was that
While I was always without him
My heart ached

And ached

And ached

And ached

And has never ceased it's aching.

i speak hope that you may see through my lighter eyes.
through my spaced expression.
i surely do feel summer in my bones
i surely do feel like my world is expanding, as ***** and disbanded as my world may seem.
i know my state is temporary, just as it all is, but while i feel this, ill let it indulge
i will breathe in every last drop of this feeling until it is as dry as my bones

when i walk outside its amazing that i can feel the clouds wishing me farewall
the gut feelings are fading, everything seems yellow and grey
wont the chilly moon wish me a good rest of the year?
i am in dier need of a break

she is the only one i trust

when the moon has finally succumbed to the flirtatious will of night
and even stars grow weary of guarding peaceful slumbers
the sneaky temptress twilight makes her move and slithers through my window
as she glides into my bed, I can tell she is up to her old tricks
my eyes forget to close and my mind forgets to sleep
the darkened outlines of my room crumble as each breath escapes my lips
and now I remember where I've hidden you, blue eyed boy

how strange a sensation to remember your body
a rekindled sullen mood
your arms are a heavy warmth against my waist
and your legs are clumsy giants that wrestle with mine all night
yes, this is how it feels when your cheek nuzzles the nape of my neck
and even here, your breathing rumbles like a storm rolling out to sea
Your heavy exhales compose a sensual melody as each crescendo crashes against my clavicle

I'm at the mercy of your lingering shadow
I'm the casualty of the pressure in this room
I want to stop breathing because I feel that I could make love to you
in the blackened air my hands trace out your handsome face
and place two gems for your brilliant eyes
and caress the sharp angles of your cheek
your lips were delicate so I use only my right hand
I'd give myself to you so honestly this time

but here, loneliness slowly swells your lungs
a tar that coats the lining of your throat
you are a cruel asphyxiation brought on by the mystic twilight herself
but her ruse won't last forever

I'll drift off into the sweet solace of sleep
and ponder on how you love me more
when my bed is empty, blue eyed boy