we were happy, i know we were. it seems so far away now, whatever we had before seems so out of reach now, not that what we have now is bad, not at all, but i can’t help but miss aspects of what we had. I miss the beginning of the past, you were so different then, you seemed to be in for the ****, you seemed so happy then, i don’t think i’ve really seen you so into me since, that is unless you’re trying to get something out of me. I don’t mind it, though, i just miss knowing that you’re fully mine is all. I have this constant worry that I’m simply just not enough for you, even after all this time i still feel like i’m not enough, even when i give you all that i have to give, i still seem to be falling short in some aspect.

i mean you look at me and instantly i cannot help but smile to no end, and all you do is look at me. it’s ridiculous that even after all this time, i still cannot stop the beat of my heart from elevation each time you lay those eyes, those ****** eyes of your on me. i feel like i am invincible and it’s crazy to me that you have that power over me with just a simple glance. even if you gave me the coldest stare you could muster, in between all that ice and bitterness i would still find some warmth and that scares me. the fact that i will always find some fire inside your ice blue eyes, even if i have to imagine that there is still a flame ignited behind them for me. oh it drives me crazy you you can do all of these things to me, after all this time.

i wish i could say that your mine, but quite frankly i cannot and i act like i’m fine with that and most of the time, i convince myself that i am for your sake, but when the lights are out and i’m staring at the ceiling, stifling tears behind my own stone cold blue irises, i am reminded that i am not fine with our current situation or even what the current situation used to be. i am reminded that even though i tell myself i don’t want it, all i really want is the right to be able to say confidently that you are totally and completely mine because i have already given you that power over i, and you didn’t even have to ask for it.

Continue to write
In order to express yourself
Be the light that inspires
So that the students can get help
Always of a didactic nature
Be there to guide and teach
With words of encouragement
Their goals are within reach

the second shot
you called them all
made every spilt second decision to turn our platonic friendship into a disaster of i wanna get back together
you frame us a best friends now
but i think boyfriend suits you better
you thought the same last week
the switch flipped, you got scared of falling once more
and once more i am left, alone in my bed, crying into my pillow over the sun kissed blonde boy who drives me to the brink of insanity
my god i love you
my god i need to stop loving you

Faith is my shield and his word is my sword. I have been through many battles but I will stand for the Lord. In the shadow of the cross I will gladly lay my life down. So that my God may receive the glory and I can win the Victor's Crown. No one said my journey would be easy but I cannot leave a single soul behind. The Son of God gave me the victory, he paid a terrible cost. So one until I am called to his kingdom, I will stand up for the cross.

i slept with my phone on last night
clutched it tight in my hand as i tried to fall asleep
regretting the topic i brought up but hoping to feel the heartbeat simulation
the vibration set to your contact buzz in the palm of my hand
waiting for answers knowing that you weren’t doing the same when i wasn’t replying
realising that i have destroyed any possible non platonic feeling you have for me by bringing up the pain that’s festered inside for three weeks
i slept with three blankets on last night
still shivering cold from anxiety
the cold didn’t vanish even when i added more blankets
i slept with a hope last night
a hope that you’d realise in the morning that even after this fight i’m still worth it
a hope that your fear of committing would vanish and you’d come to your senses
i still hold the hope tight, as i did my phone when i fell asleep last night.

I miss,
staying in my room,
on rainy afternoons,
making each other wet.

Until
My lips met yours,
I did not believe in magic.