I don't think you get it. I am suffering every moment.
I miss you more than you do.

*Do you even?

It's extremely painful to not be able to not miss you
I miss you so many times in a day it leaves me less
and lesser will to live.

I realized I cannot do with you
I realized I cannot do without you

the same pinch of obsessed
the same twinge of distance
the agony, the agony, the agony of love.

she says it's a sin that I still check on you
I tell her it's not like that, I don't feel it anymore
it's Karma I am waiting for, you see, I want to know how bad
it hurts him in the end.
she believes me. "I'll give you a free pass then", she laughs
And I wonder how I could cut you from myself forever

I checked on you regularly to maybe just know that you were there somewhere... it wasn't out of love, or curiosity, or even obsession. I just kinda missed you on occasions but not with the idea to want you back. Because I wouldn't ever want you back, or the agony, or the deep, harrowing experience of every deeply harrowing emotion ever. And still I have only half moved on. Because I see you and it means to me. I never show, you'd never know, but something still matters whether or not I want it to.
I don't want it to.

I don't think I like you. But you are still number one
On my browser history.
And number one whenever I want to share about something close to me
But you are not
Close to me.