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I want to be me
but everyone has these expectations
where I cannot be free.
I am trapped in a being
One of utter selfishness and selflessness
one that doesn’t have meaning.
There is so much buried down so deep
I’m too afraid and too tired to dig it all out
that he final solution seems to be eternal sleep.
the death of the false self
inspired by DIVINE SUICIDE: Depressive Breakdown as a Call to Awakening by Jeff Foster
When you see her cry
     you get a rag,
a gentle delicate cloth.
                                        Lovingly grasp her hand
                                               and dab its tip;
                                       dry each tear as they come.
                                                           ­                               And ask each drop
                                                            ­                                   why it'd leave
                                                           ­                               such beautiful eyes.

  If she wishes
to be in the sky,
  tell her to go.
                              Take the sun ransom,
                              and replace its shining
                                    with her own.
                                                            ­          So you can see her every morning
                                                         ­                          and wish for her
                                                                ­                  return each night.

When you see her scars
  both visible and non-
    touch each gently.
                                             And remind her
                                       that each and every hurt
                                            she has survived,
                                                       ­                                 has only made her
                                                                ­                   that much more unique;
                                                         ­                              that much stronger.

  Show her that she
  is a special person
and is worthy of love.
                                     That she deserves the love
                                            she fears to give...
                                            show her so that
                                                            ­                     one day after you're gone
                                                            ­                      she can find the strength
                                                                ­                    to go on without you.

    Tell her that while
she might not be a goddess
far above worldly desires,
                                          that she is amazing,
                                         for just being herself
                                    for being that beautiful girl
                                                            ­                   who thinks herself damaged
                                                         ­                         when in truth she's just
                                                            ­                    a different kind of beautiful.

   And finally, love her.
  Like a boy loves a girl
Till she finally remembers
                                            that that's what she is:
                                          not a scar, not a goddess,
                                             not a star. But a girl.
                                                           ­                         That deserves to be loved.
When the waves calm and the clouds part I see you
Bruised and bound within your own fueding mind
Crying, no wait, laughing
Skipping to the beat of a song your heart once sung
Traveling in a direction where crazy meets sane
Becoming a cluster **** of once was and once wished to be
Climbing out of the pits of your hell smelling of burnt skin and leather
Somewhere along the way you missed the great parts of life
Those little things that you wake up for every morning
Remembering parts of a different you, the few times you found a slither of happiness worth living for and something you held dear
Now it's so close, yet so far away of a weak grasp at the tip of tethered hands
Lost in a whirlwind of the war that rages inside of you that won't surrender
Coming and going have merged together creating constant confusion of right and wrong
Claiming to be wise when you surely don't know what wise is
The road never ends, it keeps winding through the ruff of disappointment of repeated mistakes
Taking you back to square one where the waves howl and the clouds never part.
 Jan 2016 Maria Camila Marin
Tab
Yellow* was the color that brought us together
Orange was the color that made you glow
Red was the color of our love
Purple was the color you left on my skin
Blue was the color you made me feel
Black was the last color I ever saw
12w
They say I'm a bit sentimental
I think I'm probably just mental
"are you okay?"
"yeah"*
if crying myself to sleep every night is okay
* if being too upset to eat is okay
* if being too emotionally drained to function is okay
* if being so upset I can't enjoy anything is okay
Yeah I'm okay
The day you told me you were free I found myself in captivity again
My mind and heart had finally become comfortable out of the cage that was you
And now they are right back in it, desperately fighting to be free again
When you were taken my mind didn't linger in the prison of possibilities
My thoughts were free to explore change,
My heart still ached from your scars,but it was healing.
Then you came and reopened every wound
With one look my walls fell to pieces
Everything I had built to keep me safe was destroyed in one embrace
With one "I missed you" I willingly walked back in
I knew the door would shut behind me never to open again
And yet I still walked in.
The prison of you had become my resting place
It was my identity,
It has been the only thing I've known for the last three years
Its where I've laughed and cried,
This place know my deepest fear,my biggest regret and my one true love...you
My fear is that you will never love me and that I will never love anyone else
My regret is falling for you to soon and maybe even wishing I hadn't fell at all
And my love is you
Everything about you
Your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your passions, your mistakes, your failures everything that makes you, you
You have my heart
And you know what they say home is where the heart is
So it looks like I'll be staying in this prison, with no hope of escape
And maybe someday my prince will come, but until then all I can do is love you

— The End —