the best way to check
is if there's a ponytail line
I don't see one, but it might be cuz I'm blind

well if you don't see one,
then there probably isn't one,
but it might be because of the blindness.

California daddy
buy me pricey whiskey
take me out to dinner
bring me home and get tipsy

yeah we're narcissistic *******
and we feed each other's egos
not the villains of the story but
don't pretend to be the heroes

sit me on your lap
light my cigarette
firm grip on my ***
yeah we're ******* to forget

Inhale. Hold. Exhale.
Inhale. Hold. Exhale.
Let the thick smoke cool before you take it into your lungs.
Repeat until everything goes away...

Or until you're too dizzy to stand.
Something someone says reminds you of something you tried to forget, so you pretend to be enthusiastic about the drinking games.
You pour your shots a little higher than everyone else's.
Repeat until everything goes away...

Or until you're trying to ***** silently.
Tell them it's food poisoning. They know it's not.
Watch their eyebrows curve with pity and concern.
Don't tell them you're trying to disappear.
Repeat until everything goes away.

i really like contrast, and the way the universe juxtapositions things in my life. yin and yang.

like ******* in a church parking lot.
or getting blackout drunk in my bedroom while an a.a. meeting takes place in my living room.
like being a gay atheist who drives to work at a southern baptist college on sundays after church.

lower your lids, lap at liquid luxury
feel the flutter, flood of fire, fleeting--
bring your lips to the liquor, illegal lethality
forgo the former formalities, explore further, you're fascinated
i'm listless lately, lackluster from liquor's lullaby
forgetful and foggy, focused on feeling the friction
labors of lust, light-headed, lead me lightly, love me
**** me. **** familiarity, **** me fast, foreign fingers
lower my limits, leave your legacy on me
lead. i follow, feeling foolish, little foreword:
be too forward. leave me lying, flesh flushed, limp and loyal
every fiber filled with life and lust: i finished first.

I think of you and more than one way:
Largely, I am sad for you.
You are caged, a phoenix with inability to fly,
and when granted freedom, you are going to shoot straight up,
fly into the stratosphere,
and finally, paired with the sun
(your element)
its golden rays will kiss your feathers
and you will mirror its brightness and flames,
igniting in a flash of brilliant light and heat,
over almost as instantly as it began.
Icarus girl, let me be your sea.
I will catch you, cool the burns,
push you to the shore.

A small part of me,
the part of me that has pushed me from you,
(because I will always respect your boundaries)
craves you.
I want to see your beauty when you peak,
see sunshine radiating from every inch of
your pearlescent skin.

And I wish I can taste your lips, kiss you so sweetly
and part of me is in love with you
all I want is for you to allow me to bring you paradise

You are peppermint:
Red hair, green eyes, white skin
peppered with polka dots.

And I, a pagan, passive and pathetic,
whose paramour is a ******* paladin
with a perfect face, parted pout and
perfumed persecution, perpetuated by
parliamentary parents who prevent you from prospering.

And I have to pitch a poker face
Pretend that your painted pair of lips pressed on my cheek
do not paralyze me, peach turned pink
over a precious peck.

So what is the purpose behind your pretense?
The pointless promiscuity, part time passion,
and I'm patient--
but god--
let me pamper you, pageant-curls princess,
forget the prestige in your pedigree,
let this penniless pauper into your palace.

You are picturesque, purely portrait-worthy,
But your painted claws perforated my paper skin,
and all I wanted was to make you purr.


*(but I don't have a *****)

i slept with someone not you today
actually we ******
it wasn't romantic, i didn't love him
and before we were made one, i was terrified i couldnt do it
i was scared i couldn't have *** with someone i didn't love
and then i realized, you never made love to me.
it had always been just *******.

i am always tired
fighting against my body's urge
to destroy itself

drunk on friday
drunk on saturday
woke up drunk on easter, drove to church
pretended to believe in god and even played in the worship band
sexted not my boyfriend during his family dinner
drunk alone monday night.
smoked a bowl with someone i wish i knew better tuesday after work
drunk alone tuesday night. it started to hurt, so i got
drunk alone wednesday night.