What if, the secrets and answers lie in me?
I love myself,
I find myself,
And become enough for my own self.
No heaviness, no sadness, no ambiguous questions, no self-inflicted madness, no what if's, no imagining scenarios, no feeding sugar to my thoughts, no harm in being alone with my feelings.
What if, I am my sole saviour?
I would have to do nothing but redeem myself, because I should, because it's the law of the jungle - I get my own prey, I am my own alpha wolf, I lead my own pack.



- LynnAA

I'd like to know through you what he's wearing, what does he smell like what does he look like, what does he feel like, when did he last smile, is he wearing his purple shades, is he wearing the necklace I got him, did he shave, did he cut his hair, did he like his hair better before he cut it...
I'd like to picture him again and you are the only way. A way I don't like at all but it leads me to him.
Maybe I should stop searching for him through you and I should start looking for him in myself.
He lives in me and only I can see him inside me.
Everything else is only an illusion of him.



- LynnAA

Why do we want to keep each other caged?
Why is it a norm for us to feel pain after a separation?
The only way to love you is to set you free. No. Not physically.
I set you free when the thought of you doesn't burden my heart.
I set you free when I understand that what we did was an act of love coated with our human needs.
I set you free when I leave out of love.
I set you free when I know that by leaving, I love myself and only by loving myself can I love you.
I set you free when I believe that you have freed me of you the day you first laid your eyes on me.
I set you free when I understand that freeing someone is letting go of our needs that we hang on to so effortly.
I set you free when you are no longer a need.
I set you free so I can be free.



- LynnAA

You and I are bigger than my madness
We are more important than the should have's and should have not's
We are more important than my choosing to leave
We are more important than your silence
We are bigger than our own selves
We are a mistake
We are a reason
We are a reaction
We are an eruption
We are chaos created by order
We are a once in a lifetime
We are memories
We are lessons
You and I together, are nothing
You and I together, are everything
Today, no matter what we do, my soul and yours have marked their meeting in the history of the universe.



- LynnAA

I am mad at you
For loving me so dearly
For allowing me to leave the way I left
For travelling a week later and not fulfilling your promise of seeing me
For not wanting to see me, thinking I didn't want to, you stupid fool
For coming back and not getting me back a nice little gift, something of you that would actually stay
For calling me on my birthday, talking to me in such a fake ease, convincing yourself that we are okay
But actually, we weren't talking to each other
I am mad at you for being ******* me even when I left
I am mad at you, because you don't break for the ones you love
Because you are one immense coward, running back to the arms that have been taking you back all these years after each one of your mistakes
Because you knew, with me, you had everything to lose
I am mad at you because if I decide to tell you all of this today, you wouldn't listen, you wouldn't understand
I am mad at you, for allowing me in, when my face should have been away from your fading memories of me



- LynnAA

Ever since I set myself free from you, mentioning your name was a burden to me
So I decided to push you way way down into oblivion
But here you are, defying black holes, making surface
Because I need to talk to you, I need to talk about you
Because you were indescribable, and you still are
And I need to know who you are and why you were and why you stayed and why me and what did it feel like
I have too many questions for you
I have too many unspoken thoughts
And I have no one but myself to narrate them to
After 6 months of muted thoughts
Here I am, willing to finally accept healing
Whether you decide to listen or not



- LynnAA

Yes, I know that some nights I cross your mind and I know you still love me - with all the concepts you assign to that feeling, to which I don't necessarily agree, but I do think about you as well, and love you my way, not yours.
You might carry me with you forever. I hope you will. I hope my home in you has a garden planted with flowers, with a beautiful little home and a nice veranda to sit there with you in the sun whenever you visit me.
I will carry you with me, until I'm old and senile and start to forget everything, even my sons' names, but not you.
Your home in me now is surrounded by thorn wires, but the day will come when the war will be over and I'll plant you a garden full of trees to shade you.
As for now, I'm accepting my war, because you are the war.



- LynnAA