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luz maria Jul 2019
i miss the way you said my name,
the way you held me in your arms,
i miss how i would run my hands though your hair and put you to sleep.

i hate the way we said goodbye,
how you didn’t even care.
all our love spilled on the ground like it was nothing, joined by the tears i cried
luz maria Sep 2021
what's it like living with vitiligo?

it's a devastating nightmare that comes with constant stares and ugly looks.  what is much worse is what they say about you. i once had a partner that every time we fought he would call me awful names. he'd say i was a disgusting creature and that i should be embarrassed to be me. he would always tell me to put on my makeup with people came around, and me, rushing to go put it on so that they wouldn't stare or ask what was wrong. he would say that i'm an embarrassment to be around, that he was only with me because he felt sorry. he'd repeatedly cheat on me with much prettier girls and rub it in my face, and say i'm never going to be just as beautiful as them no matter how hard i try. in all honesty though, i would have preferred that he was like the other people. in my opinion, pretending to love somebody is much worse than being treated differently. i let him fill me up with emotional and sometimes physical pain until i finally exploded. i thought i've finally found the one that truly loved me for who i really was, with this skin condition and all. however some of it is my fault too. i wasn't completely honest in the beginning, i should've told you about my condition. now it's something i tell anyone i'm about to get close to. i wish you would've left if you weren't going to love me the way you said, and i wish i was strong enough to leave before you cause me any damage.  i stare in the mirror everyday and hate what i see. some days i'd be happier if there was a way i could peel off this skin. i haven't taught my self how love the skin i'm in, and i'm scared that if i don't start my son will turn out to be the same way his father was.

so if anyone ask, that's what it's like living with vitiligo. there's my truth. it's something i wouldn't recommend for anyone who isn't comfortable in their skin. love yourself first, fill yourself with so much love that you overfill and no matter how much people about you, your cup will never be empty.
luz maria Oct 2018
i'm laying there by your side,
whispering sweet nothings in your ear as i run my fingers through your silk like hair.
i look at the time, then press my lips against your cheek.
you look down, giving me one of your heartwarming smiles.
i smile back as you wrap your arm around my waist, only to find myself curled up against your body once again, letting time slip through my fingertips.
luz maria Oct 2018
i look into your eyes and all in can see is my world of happiness.
however, the pain inside my chest is too hard to bear.
i let the tears slip from my eyes and say,
"i don't want to be hurt anymore"
i look up at the night sky, ignoring your bewilderment.
i whisper to the stars,
i tell them about you,
and all i know is that it will hurt so much the day you leave.
luz maria Sep 2020
at first, one feels relieved.
after an hour or so, the memories flood the brain,
the tears start to kick in.
suddenly parting ways was a bad idea, now all one wants to do is run back into the other persons arms and stay.
remembering more of the good than the bad is damaging.
crying for a day,
crying the next day,
crying for 5 more.

at some point the tears are replaced with the feeling of numbness.
getting up from bed and staring at the floor turns into a daily routine.
searching up the username to take quick peek to see if they're doing just fine or as miserable becomes more frequent.
eventually the photos are deleted, the number is erased, blocked, but still engraved in the mind.

sooner or later the gloomy moments are replaced with vivid, unclouded days. thinking about them doesn't cross the mind as often, no longer causes that agonizing heartache. checking up frequently stops all together. at last the soul is at peace, the heart is stitched back together, and the smile that hardly appear is back and brighter than before.
luz maria Sep 2020
i sit here in bed, staring at the ceiling above me.

the thought of you floats into my mind,

the way the wrinkles form around your eyes when you laugh.

the way your hazel eyes look in the sunlight, changing color at times from green to brown. i would always grab your chin and look into your eyes while you moved them around so i couldn't see.

sometimes i would stare at you while your worked and smile whenever you would get excited and say "i really do this"

when it was time to sleep, I would sometimes run my fingers through your hair to soothe you to sleep. you'd wrap your arms tight around me and id smile while burying my head in your chest.

my favorite things to do with you would be watching movies while being wrapped in each others arms, going out for walks, those rare times you take me for a long drive.

everything slowly changed,

you stopped sending me cute messages.
you stopped caring about my feelings.
you stopped hugging me at night.
you stopped going out with me.
you stopped holding my hand.
you stopped sharing things with me.
you stopped wiping my tears from my eyes.

your heart that I once held my in hands was pulled back while you still held onto mine. however it slipped out from your hands and you left all the broken pieces on the ground for me to clean up and piece back together.
if only you'd come back.

— The End —