what's it like living with vitiligo?

it's a devastating nightmare that comes with constant stares and ugly looks.  what is much worse is what they say about you. i once had a partner that every time we fought he would call me awful names. he'd say i was a disgusting creature and that i should be embarrassed to be me. he would always tell me to put on my makeup with people came around, and me, rushing to go put it on so that they wouldn't stare or ask what was wrong. he would say that i'm an embarrassment to be around, that he was only with me because he felt sorry. he'd repeatedly cheat on me with much prettier girls and rub it in my face, and say i'm never going to be just as beautiful as them no matter how hard i try. in all honesty though, i would have preferred that he was like the other people. in my opinion, pretending to love somebody is much worse than being treated differently. i let him fill me up with emotional and sometimes physical pain until i finally exploded. i thought i've finally found the one that truly loved me for who i really was, with this skin condition and all. however some of it is my fault too. i wasn't completely honest in the beginning, i should've told you about my condition. now it's something i tell anyone i'm about to get close to. i wish you would've left if you weren't going to love me the way you said, and i wish i was strong enough to leave before you cause me any damage.  i stare in the mirror everyday and hate what i see. some days i'd be happier if there was a way i could peel off this skin. i haven't taught my self how love the skin i'm in, and i'm scared that if i don't start my son will turn out to be the same way his father was.

so if anyone ask, that's what it's like living with vitiligo. there's my truth. it's something i wouldn't recommend for anyone who isn't comfortable in their skin. love yourself first, fill yourself with so much love that you overfill and no matter how much people about you, your cup will never be empty.

at first, one feels relieved.
after an hour or so, the memories flood the brain,
the tears start to kick in.
suddenly parting ways was a bad idea, now all one wants to do is run back into the other persons arms and stay.
remembering more of the good than the bad is damaging.
crying for a day,
crying the next day,
crying for 5 more.

at some point the tears are replaced with the feeling of numbness.
getting up from bed and staring at the floor turns into a daily routine.
searching up the username to take quick peek to see if they're doing just fine or as miserable becomes more frequent.
eventually the photos are deleted, the number is erased, blocked, but still engraved in the mind.

sooner or later the gloomy moments are replaced with vivid, unclouded days. thinking about them doesn't cross the mind as often, no longer causes that agonizing heartache. checking up frequently stops all together. at last the soul is at peace, the heart is stitched back together, and the smile that hardly appear is back and brighter than before.