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 Jan 2017 Lucas Mock
ab
confused
 Jan 2017 Lucas Mock
ab
why do you look at me
like that?

like i am something
you are about to consume?

i can see you,
you winked at me,
didn't you?

i'm scared of touch,
i curl away with fear
at the slightest brush
of the skin.

please don't make me explain
to you
how scared i am
to go near your house.

it's not you,
it's my fear of what come next,
it's my fear of letting you down.

i'm scared to let people down.

i don't want
you
to
be
disappointed
in
me.

i don't exist for your approval,
yet i am empty.

i'm so lonely,
i have been for ages,
but i'm tired of confusing my
loneliness
for dark nights,
empty promises,
hollow "yes"s
and cold fingers.

do
not
touch
me
do
not
kiss
me
do
not
hold
me

i
am
too
fragile
for
you

i
will
break
~empty intentions, i can see them in your eyes
 Jan 2017 Lucas Mock
ab
remember
 Jan 2017 Lucas Mock
ab
i have a hard time remembering
much of our time together.

we were so young,
so foolish.

i only remember the feelings.

i was a hot night,
right before nightfall when the fireflies
did flips in the trees and between blades of grass.
i was the bubbling tar of the street
beneath my skateboard,
the air suffocating everything
but my ability to see what was in front of me,
i was the Fourth of July.
i was the last sparkler in a box,
just waiting to be used,
left behind and forgotten.

but you-
oh, you were the sun
setting behind the trees.
you were the one
that made the fireflies decide to play,
the one
that convinced everyone you were on top,
the one
that could make the Earth explode,
if you really wanted to.
you were an honor,
not a right.
you were
my match to
make me sparkle
my introduction,
my sunrise.

i had to beg the sun to rise
every morning.
i shouldn't have had to do that.
the sun is supposed to rise,
but my sun would not.

i cannot even remember that year.
i remember having fun,
i remember smiling,
but i also remember the tears
and the depression
and the pain
and the scars
that may never heal.

i remember how you looked at me
then down,
then back up,
with this disappointment i had never seen,
and i knew i had blown it.
you couldn't handle me,
i couldn't handle you.

you told me you'd never love me
"like that"
and you were right.

now i see you daily.

i haven't made eye contact with you in almost four years.

there's not much i remember,
but i remember the pain,
and
i
remember
the
tears.

the sun hasn't shone for me
in such a long time,
but you were never the only sun,
and you were never the last.

you were just the one
that never rose
to the challenge.
~this was four years ago who tf cares
 Jan 2017 Lucas Mock
Sylus Fox
Please don't cry for my life
Your tears won't heal scars
And they'd be wasted anyways
You can't cry away the years
Can't take away the nightmares
Besides I've grown fond of them
Like friends from past lives
Whispering memories in my ear
Sighing lies of I love you and
It's not your fault.
So keep your tears locked behind your eyes
Keep your pity to yourself
There's nothing that could save my life
~Sylus
Yes.
I wedged a comma between us.
But there was already an infinity stretching and you still haven't seen it.
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