I was once a desired thing,
Long hair, wide eyes and tiny shoulders.
I was once a wilder thing,
No staying in, even when the air was colder.

See me now,
Smothered in on and under you.
See me now,
Burying regret, resentment and the truth.

Remember me when,
I had oysters, pearls and diamonds galore.
Remember me when,
The whole ocean knocked on my door.

Keep an eye on me now,
A bittersweet ***** with only one way to go.
Keep an eye on me now,
Back to the Woman I know.

There was a time, I thought
I could find that sign
When green meant proceed
But I'm stuck on yellow
Waiting patiently
Yet your hands roam free
all over me
But mine were seized
You said " I'm not ready"
As you take what you need
Maybe I'll walk down to the sea
Let my mind wander, a good release
Have the waves caress the emotion in me
Stir them up, find some relieve
As the soothing sounds recede
I'll look to the horizon and see
In the distant, a new coastline for me
The yellow I've waited patiently
Is green so I'll proceed

locked out
with no other recourse I look
up at the stars

or

locked out
in the quiet between scattered lights
star viewing

I am the soiled dove
Often used never loved
beginning from a tender age
I'd nothing else by which to gage
the aim and purpose of all the flatter
Love I thought was the heart of the matter
convinced myself heaven above
forgave this emotional love
let him control my life
thought I would be his wife
At a hundred parties, we'd attend
He loaned me out to all his friends
He told me this was proof that I loved him
Finally, I realized this life so grim
I used my body to gain love
it came like a bolt from above
I was just an object
treated with gross disrespect
****'m and the horse he rode in on
I'm taking back my pudendum
self-respect and declaring me myself
putting your love and ******* on a shelf
I'll **** you if you ever touch me again

The kind of woman that  has you fumbling for words at 3:30 in the morning.
But words can't describe such elegance and grace.
Nor the regret of avoiding her embrace under the moonlight,
For *** and cheap thrills.
Or the way her beauty haunts me.

us
as humans
are three parts
struggle
one part
curiousity

asking our god
Google
how to solve
our problems

using .org
as a relevant source
for reasonable destruction

"whats the most painless way
to **** myself?"

"how can i tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?"

we are unsure
if blood or electricity
runs through our veins

and we are almost certain
that some form of cruelty
lives in all of our hearts

living with brains running on
wifi signals
and vocal cords
fueled by poison

we suffer
and we make others
suffer

You steal your thoughts
From memories never lived
Hoping that terror will hide
In a whisky filled teacup

It's the 1 a.m blues again
(Everything is burning
Everything is burning
Everything is burning)
And your friends pretend happiness
By feigning death and snoring.

You did not sign up for this, you know,
Not the cold nor the bit of blood
From the lip you cut too hard
But you've got it, anyway,
So you may as well ****
But everyone who'd touch you is gone,
Looking to love and not simply make it

You cannot think what then you were

Now it's morning
Go to church, eat a sermon
The leaves are crackling in the wind
And your Sunday is cried away at the pews
Breadcrumbs burning your ears
A poet can bleed, they say,
If his ears are torn up with words enough

Now it's night again and you're trying
"Beloved", you say. The mirror does not reply
"Beautiful", you say. The mirror does not reply
"Broken", you say. The lights go out
Now you can go to bed
With your eyes open
Waiting for sleep to say
"How do you do? Let's hold each other forever."

It got so bad
he couldn’t sleep.
Frenzied bedsheets,
pillow a swamp of sweat.
He’d swig milk
from the carton,
eyes a crush of crimson
and wouldn’t say a thing.

Then he’d mention he could hear them still.
The duh-duh-duh-duh of bullets
zooming towards strangers,
the thunderous stomach-rumble
of an erupting grenade.
I’d grip his hand and he’d cry,
shake his head, trickle out names.
I couldn’t help so I cried too.
The therapist would ****** tissues at us.

I’d be careful with noises.
If I dropped something
he’d shoot up like
an electric-shocked puppet.
Body at home,
mind at war.
He smelt death in the air,
the energy sapping from his body
as if a pin had perforated his skin.

I had to drag him up
from the bathroom floor,
as if a putrid corpse
wrenched from a river.
     Why is it me?
     What did I fight for?
That’s what he asked me.
I didn’t know, wouldn’t know,
and we cradled each other
as the shower spat out water
for a minute, for an hour.