(sorry guys this isn't gonna be good I just have nowhere to vent so)




you deserve love and you deserve to understand how caring and humble you are.
you stick to your morals.
you stick to your gut.
you don't know how amazing
and I'm not the right person to tell you.
i wish you the best
and i feel like you are unreachable
but i dont know how to reach you
i can't tell you anything about yourself
only because im not the right person.
bottom line is:
i will stick around only if you want me to. but how do I know if you want me to. I don't know whether to give you space or comfort you.
I think we need to talk. but I know it doesn't help. I want to do what is best for you. I can't. I struggle with doing what's best for me.

:)

i don't even like you
why am i only happy around you
i  am trapped

I need to stop being afraid to have feelings
I need to start understanding that other people have feelings that affect me
I need to start showing my love
I need to be nice

love love love

ivy twirling up my legs

beautiful walls building around me

you caused me to fall yet you caught me

enlighten me

is this really love?

I want to read a poem that takes me from feeling nothing
white
to feeling anything at all

my heart beats
in a frenzied pattern
I want to run
I want to scream.
not scream.
yell
but that's all I do
I have to keep exploring, moving, trying to make sense of anything
everything
your life and mine
the stars are silent but I am free to speak

the past either means
nothing or everything
nothing for the future to be built upon
nothing for it doesn't matter
nothing for focus on what's to come
but everything
everything to relive the tears and
crys of delight
everything for those lost to the grave
everything for knowledge that you protect

fingers of paper
hair made of lace
mouth closed with safety pins
all a closed space
eyes made of copper
to see only clear

you just wanted to run
but they said no
so you did

they throw pebbles at your tiny legs
they pop out your teeth
like its nothing
you don't know why you're lonely
they spin you till you can't see
you bite your cheek
they poke holes in your tongue

dressed to the nines
you wore only pearls
moonlight dipped around your
deep collarbones
lips smeared
a curve that is far from a smile
but a satisfied frown
emerged
one dog
then two
quite a few more
with lace round their necks
and a smooth hint of gore
they barked silently, painfully
left them at ease
they dropped to the ground
you dropped to your knees

devour the
shining, greedy
glass
pop pop pop
blood leaks and swirls
you smile, eyes half shut
glass between your teeth

some things stir in her stomache
dragging her into her half-dead dreams
eyes open wider than normal as she plummets down down
                                 down
some ways between her origin and destination
she changed her mind
she wanted flakes of 19 butterfly wings to surround her 'blue and green'
and they do
engulfed in a flutter
she rises
~sometimes things are so easy~

wet round glass blobs stuck in my head
shiver and shake
and attempt to make a clear way to gaze
ropes of water sometimes drop from them
sometimes they are decorated in red and gold and green
sometimes they are ripped out
eaten by disgrace////
don't worry!
they always fit back into place

CARDBOARD HOUSE/walls so high
FLOORS ARE TIRED AND WEEP AND SIGH
SOFT CARPET soaked with blood and guts
FOLLOW ME INTO the HOUSE
slowly see PAINT CAKED ON walls and doors and tables
delightfully terrifying
COFFEE TABLES....legs fall me tremble
WELCOME HOME

beautiful words taste vile
so why not spit them out
you scream
because you can
swallow them and have them sear your stomach
churn w/ lost hopes

run nimbly attempt
fall as whispering
((gauche))
why? I still run
why? I still laugh
why? still I tumble
and scream
((gauche))
fit tightly to the mood
run as far as you can
fall as hard as you want
((gauche gauche gauche))
compressed thoughts
continue to swirl
energetic boredness follows
why? I still live

a drop of precious purple sweetness falls
falls into my stained gray cup
glow into the dark
a smile erupts onto my illuminated face
:blue and tired:
tall frame standing in a pink of sick pink moonlight
cheers!!!!!!!
to a story unfinished!
metal hits my quivering lips
cherubs swim around my nose:
swallow death completely whole

her lush hair falls to her cheeks
red and LIGHT
light that rushes through the flashlight pointed at HER
her face wrinkles and she CRIES
tears take a leap of anything but FAITH
faith that she won't CRY
face curled into a fleshy BALL
ball of skin and SCRATCHES
scratches got there? who knows HOW
how to COPE
cope with dreams being torn and tossed and thrown and lost

she taps her chubby pink eraser against her equally chubby pink lips.
they're chapped and ****** but she's too distracted to care.
her feet fall out from beneath her.
the sun attacks her as she hits the wet cement.
she drops her ****** eraser, falling among worms and blades of grass.
she's oblivious to the wetness that engulfs her.
she's slowly
wholly
swallowed by cement.
the birds still chirp.
the sun still shines.
but the worlds a little different without that eraser of mine.

.

hug the sun
burn
falling in
to the water
drown
burrow in the earth
suffocate
isn't it funny how the most stimulating things are the most harmful?
no

a boy/ordinarily simple

a man said
(reach into the hat
pull out a wish)

he did/hasty
he wanted a wish/exited
his fingers tingled and his heart raced

the man snickered/satisfied
(choose)

the boy didn't know what to wish for
he wanted something /what
he asked for nothing

the man (more unfortunate are the ones who are granted a chance to wish for whatever they want and remain clueless as to their dreams than the ones who never get to dream)

the boy wished for a dream/melancholy

though he knew it would never come true

they man refused
the boy cried
(that's life)!

she swiftly flows alone along a marble corridor

white and sharp.

stars point down straight at her
she looks up and smiles

she's brighter than them

roll the dice
in vain


she paid a high price
to shine so bright

she'll never rest with the stars

she sobs, deep gasps
the sorrow envelopes her
but she doesn't mind
she's upset beyond measure
but it will be over soon
           she bursts with life, mind ecstatic
she's overjoyed at everything
brightness follows her
she's glowing
but then she remembers
this is a cycle
          she sobs

the lightning won't **** you
the thunder will
boom  
eardrums squeeze!
pop pop pop
bust! can't hear
slip in the grass
dropped amongst bugs and wet smells
curl up into a ball and sob
you can't even hear yourself sob!
lungs burst like eardrums
you're a mess
the thunder will

i see you!
dive under the concrete road
under the dirt tightly packed
there i am!
rise above the translucent skyline
up up up
there i am!
i care for you
but
you don't care about me
i love you
but i should hate you

blank walls surround me
ceiling is so so low
i can't esc a pe
                     but yet i try

you ask me
why do you claw at these walls
kick until your toes are ******
i re ply:

         have you ever had a sensation so terrible that just for an instant you do all you can to make it stop? i tr
y

you stumble down
not far to the floor
yes. a simple ans wer

well, that is my life i say
keep kicking

scream! fog separates
announce that you are here!
whatever you do
don't cry!
scream! i understand
announce your prescence!
please
don't cry!
help me understand
hot tears are everywhere
i dont understand

aslee
p
dripping into a timeless dark
quietly
silently
slipping into a mindless dark
breathing heavily can't breath

dizzy
chills burnt amber skies
tress grew
grew!
green surrounding
finally home
amber skies like candles