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Sep 14 · 40
Refracted Photon
Lauren Leal Sep 14
Sunset in my heart
But I'm the dying light
To come apart
And take flight

Into my dreams
Of a fake life
With gold streams
On a bronze knife

I'm a zombie
I'm a ghost
I'm dead to me
I'm not the Host
Sep 14 · 40
Lauren Leal Sep 14
Ghost faces
A noose
Of shoe laces
My mind filled
Bad places
It just paces
Running circles
And losing races
My nerves fired
I'm lost among
My own
cold cases
Sep 14 · 319
Lauren Leal Sep 14
Broken dreams
And split seams
It's all it seems
In endless streams
Sep 5 · 177
White Liar
Lauren Leal Sep 5
Tunnel vision for lies
Wrapped in silk white
For the many one cries
Creating a craving blight
Sep 5 · 121
Past Strains
Lauren Leal Sep 5
Tremble to the cause
Far planes in my heart on pause
Lost to time and to the pain
My eyes stricken
From staring into the rain
Drip drop, I'm the sinking ship
Down into the water
I'll take a dip
And a taste of my regret
The table is set
I'm the main course
Served to my demons as
Jun 30 · 161
Freeflow Thoughts #1
Lauren Leal Jun 30
Streamlined with I'm fine
Going backwards
On constant rewind

With no forward way about
I don't even feel the need to shout
I'll cry my mercury tears
To rid my life of the poison
We call fears

Dancing on the edge of reality
One false move a fatality
While I remenice about times
I don't even miss
Killing myself softly
With a false sense of bliss

Ripping out my nerves
I deserve this
As if it's completely sane
To hand myself my own pain
Allowing my mind to openly speak, with little control over what is allowed or not.
Jun 30 · 137
Heavy Hand
Lauren Leal Jun 30
It's hard to write
When its only for me

It doesn't feel right
It's an empty plea

Each word forever pasted
Just seems like my time is wasted

It's so hard to write
With this blight of grief

It's hard to write
When it's not a relief
It's not helping the same.
Jun 30 · 120
Wooden Walls (10w)
Lauren Leal Jun 30
My walls are my fortress, but also my personal coffin.
Jun 30 · 91
Nose Dive
Lauren Leal Jun 30
I've lost my way
I dont want to speak
I have nothing to say
It's all so bleak

The future I thought would be grand
Derailed, the opposite of what's planned
I'm in a plane but it's not manned
Diving towards my mental
No mans land

Where I bottle all my pain
Where I always return
Forced to remain
My heart will just burn

Forced to remember what I sought to forget
No way out
I'll just lay on my bed of regret
With these blankets of doubt
Repetition. It's the same cycle, evertime.
Jun 30 · 168
Lauren Leal Jun 30
The nickname given by an ex
That made me realize I never
Want a next

I'd rather be alone
And forget how to care

Than to find someone for me
Only to find out too late
That it's not meant to be
Jun 30 · 116
Lauren Leal Jun 30
I can barely think
Sleep isn't sleep
It's a blink

Tired isn't brief
Its permenent
Mixed with this grief

Death a better solice than living
Looking back on life
Which has apparently nothing worth giving
Jun 30 · 43
Of Stone
Lauren Leal Jun 30
My feelings have turned to stone
I'd rather say **** it
And live to die alone

Saying I'd never love anymore
As if I have a say
Or ability to shut that door

But I do know that its painful
To let them in
Only to be stabbed by a knife that's dull

Feelings of stone
Won't even date
At this point I'm convinced
Its Fate
Jun 30 · 33
Lauren Leal Jun 30
I'm falling deep down
To the place where
No ones around
It's just yourself and you

A staring contest of
What the **** do I do
To help me out
Of this repetitious cycle
Of raging self doubt
Jun 30 · 97
Lauren Leal Jun 30
It's dying while living, just to say you're stronger now.
We all suffer. We all have our Demons.
Jun 30 · 61
Ego (10w)
Lauren Leal Jun 30
Life is but a game played by your personal ego.
Jun 22 · 58
Heart Failure
Lauren Leal Jun 22
I used to say
My heart had holes
Was bruised and beaten
Now I find
Someone else's Demons
Had it eaten

So I just dont have one
Now I know
Why I'm just
Expression for decompression
Jun 22 · 67
Demonology (20w)
Lauren Leal Jun 22
Life gets hard when you get closer to your demons, then ever getting closer to someone who cares for you.
Expression for decompression
Jun 22 · 73
Hell in Love (10w)
Lauren Leal Jun 22
Hell is simply forgetting what true love can feel like.
Express to decompress.
Jun 22 · 35
Lacking the Feelings
Lauren Leal Jun 22
My feelings are lackluster
Sadness and Anger only show for muster
Happiness and Love never show
It's the only way to go

With how hard I feel, my heart is lead
In a pool of water where I can drown
But rest my head
Only knowing how to frown
Mood. Expression for decompression.
Jun 22 · 142
Hand full of Sadness
Lauren Leal Jun 22
The only thing I know is sad
It's all I've been given and all I've had

When happiness feels temporary
It's hard not to feel the contrary

I've got a hand full of sadness
That I dont want anymore
But I've always had this
So its tangled into my core

Woven into by bloodstream
Making life and living

Simply a dream
Mood. Expression for decompression.
Jun 22 · 162
Deadbeat Heart
Lauren Leal Jun 22
Its day in day out Lofi
Reminding my feelings on how to lie
To those around me who care
But I hold that dead stare

As if I'm imitating how my heart feels
Down, dumped, and kick by her high heels
Lonely, hurt, forgotten and scared

Life's a group project

and Death is to whom I'm paired
Mood. Expression for decompression.
Jun 22 · 102
Bitter Void
Lauren Leal Jun 22
There's a void in my soul
That makes me bitter with no control
Not to anyone just to me
Disgusted in what I see

Not just what's outside of me
But everything I'm to be
Angered at every step I take
As if each second is wasted awake

I'd rather game til my eyes bleed
Or sleep like it's my only need
Jun 22 · 194
Lease on Life (10w)
Lauren Leal Jun 22
I'd rather cease to exist because I'm honestly never missed.
Down. Down. Down.
Apr 27 · 129
Lauren Leal Apr 27
My thoughts always streamline
With the usual I'm fine

But I'm now merely a shell
So flawless you couldn't tell

That I'd rather give up on my soul
Than experience another hole

That'll welcome itself into my heart
Til death do us part
Oct 2018 · 3.3k
Quiet (10w)
Lauren Leal Oct 2018
Actions speak louder than words,
You wonder why I'm speechless.
Oct 2018 · 171
Lauren Leal Oct 2018
What is Love?
Does anyone know?
We all seem lost
With nowhere to go.

I'd rather sit and remenice
I miss this.
Adding 'Something Real' to my
Wish list.

My heart doesn't even want to give.
It's even failing to remember
Why it wants to live.
Thinking it gets better if you just
Forget and Forgive.

What is Love?
Does anyone know?
I just don't think
This was how it's supposed to go.
Jul 2018 · 163
Lauren Leal Jul 2018
You bore your wooden hatchet
Into the stump of my heart,

But now it's overgrown and
beginning to fall apart.

Your time has come to its realistic end,

As I watch the last of my wounds completely mend.
Feb 2018 · 153
Lauren Leal Feb 2018
I'm on a stairway to heaven
I wished for it at eleven eleven
Though it was a wish you'd figure
That it wouldn't be me to
Pull the trigger
Jan 2018 · 203
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
You weren't meant to be a lover, but a lesson.
Jan 2018 · 170
Keep Your Wits
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
Nearly everything is a distraction, to prevent honest self-discovery.
Anxiety, Social-Anxiety, Communication-Anxiety, Lack of Self-Esteem, Chronic Depression. Drugs, ***, Alcohol, Smoking to relieve stress.

I wonder if technology is actually bringing us together, or slowly tearing us apart.
Jan 2018 · 160
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
We tried to sail with a ship already on fire.
Have a healthy foundation before pursuing further with a partner.

Personal experience.
Jan 2018 · 154
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
Time feels like two steps forward and seven steps back.

Hope and Faith decided it was time to pack.

So, I smoke another bowl to drown it all out.

That gut slaughtering emotion, of true

Wondering if any choice you make is right.

Pondering, if there's anymore reason to fight.

Just another smoke after a ****,
Forcefully laughing at another joke.

But now I can't even speak.
Time's a great teacher, but it's future is bleak.
Those time you feel, helplessly set back.
Jan 2018 · 237
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
In my past you will stay,
That is a must.

Whenever I think of you,
I only feel disgust.

It had always been you,
That I should never have trust.
Jan 2018 · 86
Up and Up
Lauren Leal Jan 2018
It's time to watch the old me die
Like, who the **** was that guy?
Dead in heart,
Constantly plagued with 'Why?'

It's time to shed this shell,
Stuck in my own personal hell.

With a new found inner spirituality
I'll personify peace,
Making it my reality.

Peace out,
Because I have no doubt
I'll be much better with you not about.
Self reflection leads to growth. Never turn down your feelings, there the only natural thing left...
Oct 2017 · 330
Into Pieces
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I died long ago, when she was happy without me."
Oct 2017 · 314
Black Wings
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I met a demon with the heart of an angel."
Oct 2017 · 226
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
I'm dwelling in the catacombs of my mind
Where the bones of past me's come to be grind
Fuel for my Demons power, just temporary
But it all goes except the memory

It contains my deepest fear
But nothing draws near
As if I'm welcomed here
I see myself and it's my eyes to leer

The consequences of hate
Is a sour fate
Watching yourself become what you relate
Walking into your hells' gate
Oct 2017 · 130
A New String & Needle
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I sit here stitching myself back together
Wondering if this time too, it'll break
or finally last forever."
Oct 2017 · 122
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
If there's anything that you should know
Is that I never really wanted to go
I would have used myself whole
To help you, that's the goal

Then there would be nothing left of me
So, I had to leave you see
There just wasn't enough for you
I ran out and didn't know what to do

To come up with more pieces
I made deals with Demons like car leases
To full fill your needs
Responding caringly to every plead

The cost was my happiness
That made me a mess
I never got a chance to be alone
Away from you or my phone

I buried every anger and every sadness
Which lead to my madness
You never paid no mind to me
I can do this can't you see!

I was left in the dust
You were steel and I was just the rust
You only know what what I spoke
Or that too I make a joke

You never asked about my heart
So that's why I left, because I fell apart.
Enneagram Personality 2-1 = Me.
Oct 2017 · 95
The Reality
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
I'd rather you hate me
and move on dear

Than love me
and be stuck, I fear
Oct 2017 · 91
Hard Thoughts
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I find myself happy and free
Oh how life can be
But why not with you and me
Is there something we didn't see"
The only thoughts tonight.
Oct 2017 · 100
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"There's so much I have to say, but maybe another day"
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"The bullet struck the Kevlar, then making it so useless."
Oct 2017 · 185
In Time Passing
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"You are now simply a dream, so it may seem."
Oct 2017 · 349
Warmth in Comfort
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I fall
                        my personal
With such
                    lute ease."
Oct 2017 · 179
Inner Critic
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
Some people just don't understand
That I can read a face like the back of my hand
With an Inner Critic at the back if my mind
It judges and examines everyone I find

Along with every action I take
Are you sure that's not a mistake
With every person I meet
Lair, Lie! Flaw! Flaw! Don't even greet

But I'm the victim here
No one likes you, you're weird. Don't go near
But I can't always be alone
Just use your phone

It doesn't stop, it's forever speaking
Ruthlessly reminding me of my flaws
Into my hollow core it's forever peaking
It scratches the inside skull with claws

It belittles and berates
It remembers all the dates
That were your most bleak
When you try you can't speak

You unwillingly see the worst in friends
Your relationship bends
Then you are the one to blame
As continues the game

The Inner Critic, oh the mastermind
Quick as ever, one of a kind
You can't  turn and run
Help, it's no longer fun
I have what is known as an Inner Critic, and is quite the psychological read. This poem was an attempt to help explain it, to those who think they're alone, and to those who don't know. We suffer in silence.
Oct 2017 · 160
In One Ear...
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"Your voice was a sweet lulluby, such a bittersweet goodbye."
Oct 2017 · 303
Your Pleasures and Me
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
I am yours
So let's close the doors
Sip a glass of wine
To cross the line

To a place between intimacy and lust
It's me you can trust
I'm the painter you the canvas
We'll both just practice

Lips tracing your jugular vein
All pleasure no pain
With everything to gain
The path is lain

I'll find that you within
That doesn't mind simple sin
While skin to skin
Once titatium now tin

Bending and moving with ease
I'll do all you please
I'll fulfill your needs
Every whimper just new pleads
Oct 2017 · 123
No Victims
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"Let's take off these layers, now show me your lair."
Oct 2017 · 127
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"Tonight, I'll whisper to your ear, come closer my dear."
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