So.
You wanna be a grown up.
You wanna learn how the world works,
And what to do to make it like you.
Well kid, first things first
(And you're hearing it from a fellow kid)
(So don't take my word as gospel)
But the world won't bend to you.
It won't accommodate you.
It won't care.
It's unyielding,
And, debatably,
Unforgiving.
(Depressing, right?)
But, kid,
None of that'll matter.
You have to take a leap of faith.
Go forth and go to art school,
Go and join the military.
Cut all your hair off,
And wear what you **** well please.
Kiss who you want and when you want,
And flip off the "very fine people" at Charlottesville.
Verbally decimate your cheating ex,
And stand up for the bullied kid.
Rise up, shout,
Make sure your bruises and your battle scars are heard across the globe.
You'll make a difference.
After all, you don't have to be a Ghandi or a King to change the world.

You just gotta be you.

I yearn for Silence every day,
Otherwise brimming with the noise
Of all those expectations.

How euphoric it is to sit in quiet,
With my tea cup,
The stack of letters laying ignored to my left,
And be in that liberating solitude.

To watch the wind rustle through the rosemary *** on the porch,
And be utterly nothing
But myself.

There is no pantomime in the stillness,
No role to play in tranquility.
Shirk your persona!
Unshackle that heavy façade!
In the darkness we all release that sigh of relief,
Satisfied by the invisibility,

By the absence of another.

I’m an imposter
I’m a phony
I’m faker than Barbie

I claim to be a perfectly fine teenager; I’m an imposter.
I say there is nothing wrong; I’m a phony.
I smile all the time; I’m faker than Barbie.

I'm just one big
l i e

The heat the sun created in the day
persists indoors into the night. I cannot sleep.
The full moon reflecting the sun's rays, modifying its strength,
now shines more coolly but no less clear,
and I, sitting outside in the silence of the night,
can relax in peace.

Then I catch sight of movement in your window.
You have switched on no light, but are illuminated
by the silvery moonglow, entranced, it seems,
by the quietness, by the peace
that has been brought to the garden.
And I in turn, entranced by your stillness,
your magical calm, can only observe
as you hum your secret to the moon.
Alas, the moment is ended far too soon,
but I'll never forget that lovely, beautiful tune.

I look out the window of my bedroom
that restricts the blowing wind,

and sets the boundaries
from spreading fragments of passion and life,

the sky is an ever expansive tranquil blue
to match the blank canvas of my mind,

and the sea of green grass,
sweep in the fields of emptiness
swimming behind my eyes,

although my heart beats, it seems to have
bursts into silver flames requiring handfuls of salt
to glow fervent shades of rosy red,

and I remember that in books, characters caught up in life
find themselves in rare, warm moments
and in lost, nostalgic, and heartfelt times,

while in my world of white and black, with shades of reality
flinging around paint cans of fraud colors,
I can't seem to find myself,

because I am not allowed to wander outside
onto the cracked, bent concrete of unknown roads
that would take me to a far more different world,

one that I wouldn't have thought to exist out of my dreams,
the dreams I once let my head full of stars relish in,

because I am not allowed to lose myself
in an ocean of people whose goals in life
is to find themselves,

who despite the broken shards of glass underneath
their aching feet
and the spiteful stares received towards the vibrant colors
rebelling against pitiful shades of gray skies,

are people who remember to keep their chins up,
and will forever dance
to the steady, unfair beat of life's rhythm,

but, why do my words always weigh heavy
in my heart like pounds of silver in a world
ruled by gold,

and why do I hold up the goblet of truth
but can never seem to find the strength to sip from it
and peer inside my empty self,

why must my life be put on repeat, and I struggle to rise
from my shapeless bed that every morning holds me captive,
binding me with my handspun bundles of faithlessness
in seeing the white grayness of another day,

and why do I live on slices of self-deprivation
and insecurities
to aid me with staying in the perfect, bony shape
of one who can no longer distinguish where real beauty lies,

why do my thoughts stumble upon each other like strangers
and fail to connect themselves,
as if they were meaningful words sadly destined
to be lost in the wind,

why do they swim around on the ruins of my bravery,
only to be at the end
submerged in heavy rains of silence,

why can I never stand tall on my feet,
and kick regrets away as fast as the changing tides
while heading towards dreams that would allow me
to relinquish feeling everlasting joy and hope,

and of course of all things,

why do I always ponder quietly fading away
to pure non-existence,
as the response to the guilt I feel towards
everything I have the privilege to call mine,

when in the end, I have never even once,
been given the privilege to

call ownership of myself,
of the person who I really am.

You feel everything on your mind is wrong, you’re not allowed to think.
For if you do, I think you’ll find you’re standing on the brink.
I don’t know what you are, and I don’t know what you’ll do if your ceiling decides to break and collapse into your room.
I’m sorry love, it’s very sad to feel so warm and cold. I know you can’t make up your mind and you’re afraid to be bold.
Nights and mornings are certainly and very better than the afternoon. It’s only one, it’s boring there, and I’m sure you’re meeting your doom.
You forgot how to think, and you forgot how to be. Maybe one day you’ll understand and be able to set yourself free.
It’s obvious you forgot how to write, the sentences are blurred. I watched you sitting down for awhile, not being able to find a word.
I guess you could just keep on running, it’s easier that way. But one day I know you’ll stop and there in that place you’ll stay.
You wonder why I’m very sure you’re eventually going to stop. It only takes a couple of months for the mind fog to drop.
Maybe you’ll learn to balance it out and figure out who you are. It’s tedious to stay on this teeter totter, you might need to leave this to the stars.
Shred your body, sweat real hard, but still allow yourself to think. ‘Cause if you don’t, it’s very easy to lose yourself again in a wink.
I know you’re looking at that blade, its shine is mesmerizing. But I promise you if you put it down, you’ll only keep on climbing.
You can tell him that you’re sorry and you can tell him that you love him. But you have to make sure to show it otherwise he won’t know what love is.
I don’t really know the solution for you, you’re cycling through all of the choices. I know you don’t know whether or not to adhere to the voices.
I’m thinking you should give yourself a break, I don’t remember your last time of rest. Well maybe you can lay down for awhile, I promise it’s for the best.
I’m going to sit back for awhile and let you dance to this tune, I’ll watch how you’re doing, how you feel and I promise we’ll meet again soon.