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laura-jessica Jun 2018
...
i can't do this.

i'm done fighting.

i'm done crying.

i'm done breathing.

i'm just-




      



    done.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
if there's 7 billion candles and one burns out, will get much darker?
why
should
it
make
a
difference
when my light burns out?
laura-jessica Feb 2018
h   o n l y    h
     u                       u    
m                   m
a                   a
n      i      n
a
m
         h u m a n   a   p  e r s o n    
     p  
e
r
s
o
n,
  n    o
o          b
t                j
a                  e
n                     c
                       t
what do you think of this?
laura-jessica Jan 2018
am i still human without my humanity?
laura-jessica Mar 2018
i died a long time ago,
but i'm still here.

my body is here,
but without a soul.
laura-jessica Mar 2018
i a noticed a boy at the library,
he was reading the book 'Gone With The Wind'
i watched him for a while,
he had hair the colour of them lemons
and his eyes were the colour of polished wood,
and golly, he sure did look good blue.
laura-jessica Mar 2018
i do not write to impress,
i write express me.

if you do not like it,
could you please leave.
i hate it when i get told what i'm feeling, what i'm not, or how i should feel. you do not know my feelings unless i write it. people tell me how to write, i love constructive criticism, but do not tell me how to write. yes i am young, but that really shouldn't matter, it truly bothers me when i get told "it wasn't real love." or something along the lines. if you don't like my poetry that is okay, you valid to have your opinion, but i am valid to know my own feelings. thank you.
laura-jessica Mar 2018
i would give all i own,
everything i will own,

to feel pain again,

because i don't feel anything.

I understand pain is horrible
but how can it be more terrible

than this infinite silence that lives inside of me?
laura-jessica Mar 2018
i hate living inside of my body,

so i try to break out of my skin

with a blade
laura-jessica Jan 2018
as a child i used to have to bright, succulent, emerald eyes.
behind the lids of my eyes there was an over powering light that never blew out.

now as a just-turned-teen, i have dull, grey, eyes that lost their sparkle.
now, behind my eyes lids is something worse then pandora box's contents.

then there was the light i owned.

it's is dull and black and i wouldn't call a light anymore, it was more of a

bright darkness.
laura-jessica Oct 2018
i just now, fell worse,
just a scrape of a blade

let tears fall to my cheeks
that didn't damp for months

the rain from my eyes
that shouldn't have came today

for the pouring sorrow streaming down my face
pushed me into a dreadful relapse.

for the relapse washed away my months of broken efforts away
with my tears.

my cries of blue
and my arms of red
my efforts are broken
and better left unsaid.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
you popped my bubble gum heart,
with five simple words.

"i don't love you anymore."

now all that remained,
what i've left unsaid,

"but i still love you."
is what i feel for you.

like chewed up gum,
worn-out and colourless,
is how i feel without you.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
you shot in the heart
with four simple words,

"i don't love you"

you tried fix it with a "sorry"

but that was like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound.
laura-jessica May 2018
can you hear my screaming silence
from where you're sitting?

can you hear my bleeding depression that seldom
slips out of my pale moon lips?

can you see my suffocating pain thats written in my eyes? its in fine print, but it is there.


can you see me? i am dying.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
yes i am young,
i am a child,
i have yet to experience the world.

maybe i don't know what love is quite yet.

but i do know what i feel
or felt
for someone i held dearly.

i may be an adolescent, but when i first turned 13

i knew i have experienced love.
not true love, but love,

do not tell me how i feel and how i don't
or how i should or how i shouldn't.

i met someone i loved at a juvenile age.

yes i am young
i am a child,
i have yet to experience the world.

maybe i don't know what love is quite yet.

but i know how i feel.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
depression is like being colourblind.
expect your colourblind to happiness.

you know it exists and you know its there.

and you want to see it.

but you see you see the world in the lens of depression.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
i am i crazy out mind
because of this situation i'm in?

i feel like the walls are closing in on me,
i needed closure but not this type of it.

i can't breathe,
i can't breathe,

i'm drowning in thin clear air,
i'm panicking heavily.

hitched breathe,
shaking hands,
sweating palms,
blurred vision.

i'm screaming
i'm screaming
i'm screaming
i'm screaming.


what is?
have i lost my sanity?
am i going insane?

am i crazy out mind
because of the situation i'm in?
cut
laura-jessica Mar 2018
cut
i am trying to cut myself out of this body.
laura-jessica Apr 2018
binge,
cry,
get angry,
stick my fingers down my throat,
make myself sick until i ***** blood and bile,
repeat.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
when its at the end of your road, where do you hide?
where do you seek?

whats the point if your at a dead end?
its a long painful road.
like walking on hot charcoal without shoes.

whats the point in this?
i don't know the right road.

this is the only pathway i've known.
i think i was 11 when i wrote this! x
laura-jessica May 2018
i hope to fall asleep,
before i drown in the abyss of thoughts
that creep on the crack of the door
and crawl in into my brain
telling me i should be dead.
laura-jessica Mar 2018
when i took my seat at my maths period my teacher was already making her way around the room, checking who's homework was complete,
a check for complete and a circle for incomplete.

when she got to me she flipped over my book revealing the untouched page where last nights homework ran off my sheet.

she had a death-like glare spread across her face and ever so lightly muttered lazy under her breath.

i wish she knew some of cannot afford pencils to do our homework, i wish she knew some of us do not have a stable home, i wish she knew some our grandparents were dying and wanted to spend every minute with them,
i wish she knew some of us are struggling with mental illness and a math problem is the least ours.

i wish she knew the stress she overwhelms us with can lead to hurt hurt and hurt leads to sadness and sadness leads to depression and anxiety.
by the time our school year ends you'll have a class full of insomniac, mentally ill pupils.
laura-jessica Apr 2018
when did my safety,
become victimized by a gun?

what made you want to s
                                             h
                                               o
                                                 o
                                                   t   a gun at our future?
what made you want to h
                                          u
                   ­                      r
                                       t  us?


when did my safety become the 2nd priority?
laura-jessica Jan 2018
i'm lost in an ocean,
sinking in quick sand thats not so quick.

slowly i'm sinking deeper and deeper each day.
and you're just watching from the side lines.
you wont throw me a rope
or help me.

you just silently watch me.

when i finally drown you say you didn't see the signs.

but darling.

you drowned me.
i wrote this a month after i turned 12!!! i was just a baby! i just wanted to share this haha
laura-jessica Jan 2018
i've been told all my life "i'm sorry"
why were they sorry?
as i grew up i realized i was incapable of true love.
the people i should love, i grew to not.
the people i should not, i do.

while everyone else smiled with lust and love.
i just waited.
for her boyfriend to cheat.
his girlfriend to leave him.
for there world to come crashing to dust of nothing.

'why would i want that?' i thought
why would i torture myself?
why, why, why?

somehow i was drawn to it.
but as i stood in frozen time i realized i was incapable of love.

since him.
laura-jessica Apr 2018
feelings often get in the way.
those **** feelings..
laura-jessica Feb 2018
she was like the moon.

a bright light with imperfections
but,
like the moon she had a dark side.
it was darker then black.

it was cold.
no one liked it there so they'd only stay when it was sunny.

she didn't want to be the moon,
the girl wanted to be the sun.

everyone loved the sun, bright, happy and vibrent.

she would give anything to the sun.
but,

she was like the moon.
if you do not speak french, the title says "daughter of the moon"
laura-jessica Mar 2018
i may look like a scared little girl,
but on the inside

i'm a firecracker.

and when the time comes i'm going explode in your face.
laura-jessica Mar 2018
coffee at 4,
with basketball boy.

"my treat"
god you're adorable.

his white smile was pure and innocent,
and his tongue did not hold back any lies.

his giggle,
his smile,
his hugs,
his everything,

is amazing.

he is perfectly imperfect.

when he asked he out to the coffee shop,
i caught first date chills.
laura-jessica Jul 2018
when I"m with my friends,
I'm loud and jumping off the walls.

like I'm on high.

but when they leave,
when its done.

there is nothing left.
nothing more than a silence.

nothing more than an after math of a high.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
friends are like hair,


if you don't maintain it,


it splits-
laura-jessica May 2018
sometimes i scare myself so bad,

i want to runaway from my own mind.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
do you hear the happiness?
our hearts fuelled on our smiles.
our ***** converse on our feet all jumping up and down
to the same upbeat music.
do you hear us? we're happy today.
it seems like you've disappeared, vanished, evaporated from my life. have you forgotten about me?
or do you just not choose to acknowledge my cries for me?
i chose to believe in you, everyday, but it seems like you do not believe in me.

have you given up or me?
am i a lost cause?
perhaps this is why you haven't been answering my prayers.

God, are you listening to me? i need you.
hello?
its me, are you still there.
laura-jessica Jun 2018
i had a boy,
my boy.

he promised to love me,
but put a strain on my heart.

he didn't love me like he promised to me.

his lies are disgusting,
i even think his truths are fake.

it was bad enough you cheated,
but to lie to my face was even worse.

i had a little bitxh as a boyfriend.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
happy valentines day,

to all the amazing poets x
laura-jessica Apr 2018
i'm happier.

the world the brighter,

the roses smell nicer,

the music sounds better.

i'm happier
hmm the reason is a secret, but it makes me happier.
laura-jessica May 2018
loving you feels so good,

but hurts so bad.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
my illness is something that is apart of me.
it is solely not me.

it is not the only thing i focus on.

whenever i tell someone i suffer from a mental illness, they have more questions then i can count. also including some accusations and negative comments.

but if i tell them about me, they reply with a "cool" or a "nice." and don't seem interested at all.

everyone seems more interested in MY mental illness, not ME.

i am not my illness.

i don't say "hi, i'm depression"

no.

i do say "hi, i'm laura"

yes i have an illness, it is a part of me.

but not me
laura-jessica Mar 2018
how adults deal with their problems?

do they cry in their beds so their children wont hear?
do they drink away their problems every night?

do you pay for alcohol with your maxed out credit card?
do you work and work until your mind wanders to stress instead of sadness?

do you drink tea in your bathtub with the temperature just under boil?
do you put on a fake smile everyday?

do you ignore your problems or do you run away from them?




how do i handle my mind in 10 years when i'm an adult?
laura-jessica Mar 2018
sometimes it hurts so bad it stops hurting at all.

but then,

someone makes you feel again.

then it rushes in, like a title wave,

every word,

every hurt,

every emotion,

every painful moment.
laura-jessica Jan 2018
i do not write poetry.
i do not write poetry, my soul touches the blank paper and blurts out some truth.

i am not a poet, i do not write poetry.
i am not a poet. my heart spills the ink onto the page and lets me take credit. i do not write poetry, my soul touches the blank paper and blurts out some truth.

i am not original, i am not a poet, i do not write poetry.
i am not original. i copy a poem that my mind already wrote and then i plagiarize it. i am not a poet. my heart spills the ink onto the page and lets me take credit. i do not write poetry, my soul touches the blank paper and blurts out some truth.

i am not original, i am not a poet, i do not write poetry.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
i loved him so much,
that i let him crush

my heart

over and
over and
over again.

until there was only nothing left.

but what do you have he even
crushes your

nothing?
laura-jessica Apr 2018
i can be your worst ******* nightmare,
or i can be your best **** daydream.

don't cross me.
laura-jessica Apr 2018
i am closed womb of depression, but you seldom notice.
so i just sit there,

in a cluster of adherents to cut my life in half.

i dress in fake smiles everyday, but you sporadically never seemed to care.

please care.

i love you.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
we don't have to be insane to be insanely in

L
O
V
E
laura-jessica Jan 2018
"you know smoking kills?"
"drugs do bad things to you"
"alcohol makes you crazy"



sounds like love to me.
laura-jessica Feb 2018
you are away from me,
but, i perceive you here.

the thought of you, sends chills over my pale oyster skin.

your alluring eyes, brighten mine.

when you pull me close,
we join together.

our bodies create warmth and heat with
just a simple hug.

but deep down i know,
i am not discreet when you leave
laura-jessica Jan 2018
hugs and kisses up until now.

a whole new world has peeled before my eyes.

flirty actions and make-out sessions has been forced upon us

alcohol and boys make a great party.

drama and girls happens everyday.

teenage life, what a blast.

R.I.P to my blissful youth.
no meaning behind this. just thought it was true.
laura-jessica Mar 2018
streaking down the road,
skinny dipping in the pond.

maxed out credit cards,
spray paint all over the walls.

someone else's underwear in my bed?

pictures of yesterday night are all over twitter.

if my mum sees i'm *******.
oh well.

i would still do it all again.
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