it seems like you've disappeared, vanished, evaporated from my life. have you forgotten about me?
or do you just not choose to acknowledge my cries for me?
i chose to believe in you, everyday, but it seems like you do not believe in me.
have you given up or me?
am i a lost cause?
perhaps this is why you haven't been answering my prayers.
God, are you listening to me? i need you.
its me, are you still there.
his dark hair,
his olive complexion,
his mysterious eyes,
drew me in like a moth fleeing to a fire.
but like the moth, going into what seemed good, ended with me getting burned.
have you ever ate so much much that you started to feel sick?
you're full but they just keep feeding you and feeding you.
you get so fed up until you just *****.
and then after you *****.
you feel empty
that's what my relapse felt like.
drug deals and parties,
drunk texting and ***,
condoms and bathroom make-outs,
diets and binges.
"I'm not hungry, mother. I will get something at school."
No, I'm starving, but I cannot eat breakfast because I have to thin.
"Oh, why am I not eating? I just had a big breakfast, friend."
No, I skipped breakfast because I have to be thin. I will not eat lunch because I want to a have a skinny waist.
"Oh, Mother, Im not hungry mother. I had a big lunch!"
No, I skipped breakfast, I skipped lunch. I am starving, but I cannot eat because I have to little thighs
im so sad
im so sa
im so s
im so f
im so fi
im so fin
im so fine
I don't want your filthy hands caressing my curves.
Please remove your hands from my chest, you're hurting me.
I am begging you, don't take away the only innocence I have left.
No, I don't want you on top of me, you're crushing my fraile body.
Get off of me.
Shouldn't these pleas be enough for you to stop?
don't tell me you love me.
don't tell me you loved me if you broke me.
don't tell me you love me if you manipulated me.
don't tell me you love me if you wanted her body.
don't tell me you love me if you left me.
don't tell me you love me,
because you're lying.
sometimes to fix a broken heart,
you have to hurt it even more than the last time
it was in pain.
don't waste your time on a broken butterfly like me,
when you can have a blossoming caterpillar like her.
i just now, fell worse,
just a scrape of a blade
let tears fall to my cheeks
that didn't damp for months
the rain from my eyes
that shouldn't have came today
for the pouring sorrow streaming down my face
pushed me into a dreadful relapse.
for the relapse washed away my months of broken efforts away
with my tears.
my cries of blue
and my arms of red
my efforts are broken
and better left unsaid.
i want to be envied by girls
not the envious.
i want to see my ribs bulge out of my skin.
i want my wrist to be as small as 7 year olds.
i want to be as small as my self esteem.
when the cold tears arrive,
and the warm love rots.
the black darkness of hate,
stays the same.
oh hey, it has been a while!
when I"m with my friends,
I'm loud and jumping off the walls.
like I'm on high.
but when they leave,
when its done.
there is nothing left.
nothing more than a silence.
nothing more than an after math of a high.
you know that little rush of adrenaline you get when you're about
that's what it feels like to have anxiety.
to be on edge all the time,
thinking you're about to be pushed over
into a sea of people
it feels like
you inflicted your broken problems onto me,
you should've known better than to cry on my shoulder
i was too young,
now breakdown in the middle of the night,
the way you did.
my trust can't be broken
if i never gave it
out to begin with.
there is a difference between
i had a boy,
he promised to love me,
but put a strain on my heart.
he didn't love me like he promised to me.
his lies are disgusting,
i even think his truths are fake.
it was bad enough you cheated,
but to lie to my face was even worse.
i had a little bitxh as a boyfriend.
you don't love me
you just love being between my thighs.
hey, i'm back
i'm going to be inactive for a little while regarding my mental health, i'm also going to take some time to get inspired
by something different not just the depressed vocabulary.
bye for now!!
i can't do this.
i'm done fighting.
i'm done crying.
i'm done breathing.
can you hear my screaming silence
from where you're sitting?
can you hear my bleeding depression that seldom
slips out of my pale moon lips?
can you see my suffocating pain thats written in my eyes? its in fine print, but it is there.
can you see me? i am dying.
sometimes i scare myself so bad,
i want to runaway from my own mind.
i remember your body on top of me, crushing me.
i remember you inserting yourself into my innocent fraile body.
i remember you only went faster and harder,
and with every push,
every painful ******,
every traumatic moment,
was stripped away and ****** into oblivion.
i n s p i r a t i o n
my brain is working overtime
until it eventually
loving you feels so good,
but hurts so bad.
forgiveness is like drowning,
screaming than silence
i hope to fall asleep,
before i drown in the abyss of thoughts
that creep on the crack of the door
and crawl in into my brain
telling me i should be dead.
dance through the pain
everyone cries to.
when the clouds cry,
why doesn't anyone ask why its sad,
instead of pressuring it into
hm, something to think about
i can be your worst ******* nightmare,
or i can be your best **** daydream.
don't cross me.
feelings often get in the way.
those **** feelings..
stick my fingers down my throat,
make myself sick until i ***** blood and bile,
the world the brighter,
the roses smell nicer,
the music sounds better.
hmm the reason is a secret, but it makes me happier.
when my poetry draws a picture in your mind,
what do you see?
do you see a scared little girl?
do you see a strong women?
sorry i'm not sorry i stole your boyfriend,
and its not my problem that he likes me better than he does to you.
i know you're ******* that he kisses me with tongue and he only pecked your cheek.
sorry i stole your boyfriend,
i don't really care if you hate my guts because he likes me better than he does to you.
i'm not sorry i stole your boyfriend,
but was he really yours if he forged all those "i love you's"
sorry i'm not sorry i stole your boyfriend.
14 year old girls in my high school are out here getting pregnant, mean while i cant even get a boy to text me back?
i was alone.
in the bath, the hot water swaying all the way to my neck.
my hot hot tears helped fill the clear bath,
as they came pouring out with no sobs or emotion.
i stared at the ceiling counting the microscopic dots,
trying to distract myself.
trying to avoid it.
eventually the voices started yelling at me and i need them to stop.
it was overwhelming for anyone who has gone through that.
i am barely a teenager, why me?
a blinked passed and the cool metal sat between the 2nd knuckle of my pointer finger and my thumb.
it just got louder.
just one time and you'll feel better.
and suddenly all i saw was red.
i thought scarce 'what have i done?'
i am closed womb of depression, but you seldom notice.
so i just sit there,
in a cluster of adherents to cut my life in half.
i dress in fake smiles everyday, but you sporadically never seemed to care.
i love you.
if i told you it was love, would you believe me?
i can't do it.
i can't go on another day, depressed and not loved.
i'm loved right?
the old light bulb is my mind,
constantly flickering from on and off,
but i can't fix it, not even with my tools.
i don't want be here,
i want to be alone.
i just wanna end it.
am i loved?
when was the last time someone said they loved me?
i'm not loved?
i'm loved right?
i'm scared it's dark,
and it keeps getting darker.
where's the light?
was there a light?
i don't know.
just a series of thoughts in my head
school has taught me:
hmmmm read the firs letter of each word.
what does it spell?
his lips are soft like a sweet child's blanket,
but his tongue likes to naughty dance with mine.
i can feel his passion on me and we both got combusted into it.
his hands gripped on my petite waist like he was riding a bicycle.
he tastes just like vanilla,
he's just as sweet as buttercream.
his cheeks are like an oven,
burning up around me.
he's anything but innocent,
but he's more than just a 14 year old boy.
when did my safety,
become victimized by a gun?
what made you want to s
t a gun at our future?
what made you want to h
when did my safety become the 2nd priority?
i've seen things, but all the wrong sights.
i've heard things, but all the wrong words.
i've done things, but all the wrong doings.
you'll have your father hair,
your mothers eyes
you'll have your brothers nose,
your sisters perfect little dimples.
because you are a little bump,
because you are an awaited little miracle.
you are a precious little sunshine.
4 months in,
we lost you.
our hearts sunk to the floor,
in a heartache.
because you were a little bump,
we would never know if you had
your fathers hair or your mothers eyes
we can't know
if you'd have you brothers nose or sisters perfect little dimples.
because you are gone.
r.i.p to my older brother/sister
i do not write to impress,
i write express me.
if you do not like it,
could you please leave.
i hate it when i get told what i'm feeling, what i'm not, or how i should feel. you do not know my feelings unless i write it. people tell me how to write, i love constructive criticism, but do not tell me how to write. yes i am young, but that really shouldn't matter, it truly bothers me when i get told "it wasn't real love." or something along the lines. if you don't like my poetry that is okay, you valid to have your opinion, but i am valid to know my own feelings. thank you.
i would give all i own,
everything i will own,
to feel pain again,
because i don't feel anything.
I understand pain is horrible
but how can it be more terrible
than this infinite silence that lives inside of me?