There's nothing to do here, some just whine and complain, in bed at the hospital
Coming and going, asleep and awake, in bed at the hospital

Tell me the story of how you ended up here, I've heard it all in the hospital
Nurses are fussin' , doctors on tour somewhere in India

I got one friend laying across from me
I did not choose him, he did not choose me
We've got no chance of recovery
Sharing hospital joy and misery, joy and misery, joy and misery

Put out the fire boys, don't stop don't stop
Put out the fire on us
Put out the fire boys, don't stop don't stop
Put out the fire on us
Bring your buckets by the dozens, bring your nieces and your cousins, come put out the fire on us

Don't hide from it
Understand where it's coming from
But do not try to change it
Don't give it fake forgiveness
It never meant to ask for
Don't try to prove it  wrong
Don't give it power over your self-worth
Hold on to your values
And stick by truth

Insatiable is your hunger
Salivating you stare down into the void
What could fill this astronomical gap
Between the parts begging to fall apart?
Alone oh so alone
Not even self is there for yourself
So lost so eager so confused
So needy of a sweet lie not even you believe
You've learned to cover vulnerable with dangerous
And drowned yourself in it
Never even saw your whole reflection
From above
Before it fell apart.
Tell me oh suffering
How many times you dreamed of faith?
No wait, don't answer
You ware it on your sleeve
You stick to disillusioned
Too painful to get up
Chose dirt for name you're wishing to forget
Why it became your shelter
I see you
That was all I wanted you to know
I see you all and won't deny your downfall
I won't betray the truth
Screaming behind your pupils
I'd smile to the child you lost within
When you're ready to let go of other

Labels composed by us compose us
Disturbing to my fear of limitations
Diminishing the eternity inside my
Mind my endless potential to outgrow
The setting and expectations
They are soothing to another
Who wishes for their containment
To predict the chaos outside his grip
Not simply words they are
But identity itself outlined with sharp
Rigid self-disposing line
Mother Teresa stripping off layers of church
Walks around buck naked making love to strangers
Why shan't mother Mary embrace Magdalena in her?
Psychopath laughing at himself
Accidentally picking up the wave from
Judgmental stranger yet caring enough to be
Honest, was that calculated or the way it
Seemed - instinctive
Suggesting the mirror inside him was not entirely broken
Uncovering the bud of empathy?
****** strive for connection
Cutting through the edge of one-sidedness?

He tried to hide his face
In flower blossoms and
Hopeful chants
Fell into the bottomless
Sorrow of a poppy
Hopeless he stood in front of me
I held his face and said:
Look at the profound devastating beauty
Of all that is around you
The love it takes for the world
To procreate and thrive
That is the ultimate meaning
Achieve it in this moment
There is no tomorrow

I have a hole in my thank you pocket
Thank Yous leak through or just evaporate
Leaving an empty pointless feeling
There's nothing to hold on to
But a plain cold fist
Maybe I failed them all

Tied by a rope to the image
Of familiar comforting predictable
Misery seeing not the truth you cling
Like a baby to the cold hateful mother
She drags you through cities and islands of
Solitude filling you up on hate like
Rotten breast milk
They say you're a hopeless case
Unfit for true greatness for you have
So little to give
I say you Fear life more than death
Too many chances to take
Too many disappointments to endure
For the fickle heart Lost and confused
Child full of love
Don't listen to it's song
It only aims to fill you with disdain  
To embrace the hate in you
As one more comforting hateful failure
That proves it was right
All along

As planets and moons eclipse
And the air is permeated
With expectation of supernatural
As if rebirth of the source of life
As if a mother suddenly left the room
And you are not yet walking to
Run after gripping her skirt
Left alone to contemplate your
Smallness and all you can do
Is to soak up the light and
Reflect on its impermanence
And the beauty of
Warm sunlight
Blanketed
By the queen of the night
All
There is
To constancy
Is permanent
Inconsistent
Temporary
Running away
From stillness and predictability

That strange beautiful dark sparkle in your eye
Or the velvety dark ******* in the light and night
Something in your eyes like
Wisdom or hopelessness
A particular calmness of a person
Who works hard to keep smiling but
With that smile is so **** inspiring
Yet escaped
No money or fame or success helped
To lift up the dying spirit He
Could not breathe the air of limitless
Possessions
Knowing the heart of the livelihood is missing
Entirely and tragically
So he left and closed the door

A gentle warm pull inside my chest
When I look inside the eyes of your
Ever hopeful kin but oh how fragile
Still seeking just like I never stopped
Lucky the light at the end of the tunnel
Stubbornly refusing to be turned off
From the touch of brutal reality
An urgency to embrace you with all
There is in me to give everything
That constitutes my substance
In this very moment
And when you follow me only to
Know that I care I feel that I exist
Because yesterday or tomorrow are but ideas
It is only the NOW that truly matters
And it is the best feeling that I crave so much
To truly be present with your deep
Heartwarming
Humanity

Flying around uprooted and groundless
Freer than wind from one ear into other
Constants are constant, all else shall pass
Consolation sufficient liberating thought
An illusion of an idea
Comes to my mind, no erupts and breaks in
Meaning that does not measure
To neither length nor color, temperatureless and bland... Idea
Thought... Lighter than air...
Yet feeling weighs more than a mountain...
Being a thought, an intangible substance of
External force overtaking the inner Galaxy ... How strange how lovely how refreshing
Like a fountain of nonesence so lively and warm so cold and greasy so sloppy and sad
So much in between so many layers and shades
All illusion yet more real than my skin

Be cautious when delving into the bottomless abyss of the unknown
Of the ever unpredictable oceanic being
The dolphin you love dearly will not save you from a shark
And who are you to say the ocean must change
So you may immerse your life into its
Force of nature complexity
It's wisdom and destructive power are inseparable
And be you a marine biologist fascinated by the depths of the oceanic complexity
Or a child drawn by the colors of the coral reefs
Or a fisherman seeking sustenance to his spirit
Or a mermaid from Starbucks at Port Authority
Or a witch particularly evil when interlocking fingers with two main sources of her livelihood
All the same the ocean will not adopt
To your capacities to withhold it
So shall you dive?
Even if you hear its echo in the back of your mind
From the moment you open your eyes
To the last waking thought

Spider caught
Inside his own
Spit net
Hungry and so afraid
To be alone
Aging narcissistic
Lost not quite accomplished
Feeling it's getting late
Fearing the dark
Fearing memories
Craving power
Tripping on malice  
And so so cold
Interacting and interrelating
Within the split atoms
Of her hopeless nature

Double sided like connection
The flight of hands interlocking
At the juncture of responsibility
For the sake of what matters
You promised not to let go
I trust you wholeheartedly
Hero from the start
I will not let you down unless
I wish to let go of my essence
In it together
I am responsible for where my hand leads you
You are willing to give more than you should
So I lay my weaknesses plain in sight and I
Don't let you fall into their trap
For they are but my own
And I do not wish to I abuse the love
That should never be taken for granted

The very essence of us sprouted from
"I trust you with my life"

Unity beating in unison
Feeling seeps under the skin
The smell of comfort like milk and cookies
Behind his ear inhaling his air swallowing his taste
The look in my lovers eyes extends into his touch it's in his voice
No gates unopen I let in the flow
The wholesome oneness only deeper
Than heartfelt hug or beating of his heart
No limits all is joy and all is good
Caress of need to feel the heat
Of senses he contains
His self is part of mine in moments of
Cosmic ecstasy overflowing warmth
Powerful pull evokes no hesitation
Melting beyond my boundaries
No fantasy could ever replace
Our unity

All alone in the world is what we are
The rest is but an illusion the rest is temporary
I look outside the window
Pigeons are picking up crumbs
Just like they did centuries ago
The winged dinosaurs of our time
And I am a dinosaur - too big to fit into a
Comfortable frame
I see too much, feel too much, love too much
Hurt too much, think too much
But I don't mind, let it be
I treasure this truth
It injects life into my veins
Pain gives inspiration
It links me to another
When I dive into their eyes
In search of humanity
And gather pearls on unity
That wrap me up with warmth
Of a thousand hearts
With it I am not afraid
To sease and never be again
And when I look my death
Into her cold empty sockets
I  will praise it for teaching me
To be greatful

I sought for it all day - under chairs
And abandoned buildings, behind counters
And book stories...  Not anywhere it was, only a fleeting feeling
The undescribeable confusion
Of being tangled with you
Now all I feel is steel
The cold surface ******* at my core
And so we go on towards the unknown
Of whether the universe will keep us tangled
So little is in our control
I chose to trust it

Every moment there is a possibility
A slim chance of reality turning
Upside down and inside out
So all your expectations
Run down the sink hole
Living you dry and small
Taking a moment
One breath at a time
Expecting nothing
But living sharply in the moment
There is no control
Only complex mosaic
Of emotions and sensations
So when I look into your eyes
I don't seek perfection
But connection that
Only giving in to life
Can produce
And so I feel

Perplexed, why continue the song
If the words make no sense and the tune you can't hear
What can be the root of connection that cannot be felt?
Eagerness to prolong and fill in the void by minute increments
With something so utterly silly and trivial
Something that gives one no power over another
Was that a snake mistaking itself for a lion?
Is there a wish underneath it all
That makes this creature a little human?
If you could choose yourself anew, who would you be?

You can’t, if you can’t feel it, if it never
Rises from the soul, and sways
The heart of every single hearer,
With deepest power, in simple ways.
You’ll sit forever, gluing things together,
Cooking up a stew from other’s scraps,
Blowing on a miserable fire,
Made from your heap of dying ash.
Let apes and children praise your art,
If their admiration’s to your taste,
But you’ll never speak from heart to heart,
Unless it rises up from your heart’s space.

Crawling climbing with the last bit of power
In those worn out sacred muscles
Spirit was grasping for transformation
The sun behind the horizon seemed stuck
The earth stopped spinning
Or limbo moment held on pause
Skipping like broken record
Day after day after day
Over and over, the slap for the rawness of truth
Too much for any shell to handle
The spirit exhausted looking for a glimmer of sunrise
Wouldn't come if the life of real
Was put into the sealed box of convention
The spirit fought as it felt it was loosing
It withstood as it saw itself spread
Into a puddle of blood, sweat and tears
It fought for truth once seen never to be unfelt
Like kindness born in absolute acceptance
Of painful humanity
In holding the spirit of another
Naked and trembling
Warming another with heat of each breath
Feeling with every though
Nurturing with honest hope
How few were brave enough to dive
Into this terrifying ocean
Cold hot edgy and flawless
All at once so confusing
And yet the only one that could ever be real
Spirit knew to let go of a hand
Not brave enough to be held
There was sunrise behind this great mountain
And hope in the air even when the darkness
Covered the sight with a blindfold of annihilation
There were many hands and many lives
And goodbyes were never easy
For each grasp once felt
Was forever to be missed
Yet the journey was to continue
Through pain and loss and
Memory of sunrise once imprinted
Forever to be sought

The dwelling place
Simply dark and uncomfortable
Yet shamefully well fed
And thoroughly misunderstood
Exactly like the inside of your
Mind way back when
Little chatterboxes with pink ribbons
Like iridescent peageons
Scattered around pecking at some
Laughable nonsense and you too
Perched next to them
Holding your breath
Tight enough to resist the gravity
Lifting yourself up by the
Corners of your mouth
Chirping along whateversomething it is
Insignificance of it.                              
Sprinkling the glitter
Over the gaping hole
As a matter of I don’t know why.
Not much food for the thought
Just a feeling of suffocation.
Wash it down wih despair
Down into the innermost
Of that empty drain
Now THAT feels like home
Suffering for the lack of misery
Or some
Miserable luck
That was named a fortune
Without a smile

What does your silence taste like?
If distance was a melody how would it sound?
Do you also wish to unlock the doors inside your own mind
And release yourself from that airless prison?

If I told you my mind feels empty
And words lost their meaning
Would you relate?
Would you ask me a trivial question?
Only to break the wall

Through the blue tone
Of my deadened layers
The life leaked so simply
Disappearing into the pool of
Emptiness and rage
Into the eyes
That knew no gratitude
The bottomless fall into
Meaninglessness
And yet through the lucidity of this phantasy
Faith persisted to survive
Uncomprehancibly
Unverbalized
The sound of a dead crow
Prophesizing there is more
Than mind can comprehend
Worlds yet to be discovered
Inspirations and souls to be awakened

Hello again
Without sense or meaning
Or good intention
Just out of hope
For confusing enough
Entanglement of ideas
That lead right to where
We started unintentionally
And proceed out if desire
To waste precious time
On something
That chose to be
Unworthy

Spectrum out your rainbow
Honey you aren't all bitter
Bittersweet is life they say,
I'd say sour too like a half-squeezed
Rotting lemon and yet
There is a flavor to it
And on a good day it all tastes
Like a crisp watermelon
Sweet and delightfully juicy
Mixed with some salty self-acceptance
And sheer spice of crossing the rules
Non of this fits into a word
Only those dreading are resentful
Fearful asked to simplify
Contain the world into
A plastic TV box - lets play
Pretend we saw everything there was
Like it isn't what they fed us
So we can sit in this miniscule puddle of an ocean
Disappointed that life is getting boring
Sending love notes someone else wrote
To petty universe
Dreadful changes, get away!

Freedom you ask for
The glimpse of open sky
And free pass to sing the song
As it comes in rusty swirls
And rainbow sprinkles
Would you hear mine
Just the same
And realize
Not every word is a gun
Aimed at you as an object?

Condemning yourself to an image you despise
Forgetting the route to the essence of you...
It’s in the taste. You are what you adore and
Every bit of beat and scent and flavor
You deeply
Enjoy

so what was about that Hellen of Troy
who confused the villagers when a big horse
line train interrupted the flow of the conversation
with a most vile tone imaginable just to make
the air smell like it's insides - hatable
They say Ms. Andrews liked to stop by
Just to help with gardening she was rather short
But resilient as a sense of urge for destruction
So here now, grow your courage to face
Another day

With a photoshopped gaze
We wish to see clearer
And to be seen clearer
As what we are afraid we are not
Forgive us life for not appreciating
Your gifts and always asking
For more than we need to be happy

Tis that beyond the clouds that
Never left the sky above my head
The drop of rain I felt in dream
Read in a book, sung in a song
Not knowing still I sing along
A dream of life to ever wilting
I swear I'd punch a hole
In ray of light inside my soul

I hope, though sooner I will quit
A shot of whiskey to the inner kid
Still looking for escape I pray
To bitter ending void of *******

Through all the poetry you spill
Like smoke that's meant to keep me chill
I didn't listen to your hissing
I know better I know better
I keep it bitter to keep me sane
Your eyes speak to my soul
I turn away to keep me whole
No one is allowed in this unity
Of me and my mutiny
I keep it bitter to keep me sane

You know it's beyond control
When I feel loved
The end comes to it all
I quit

Scribble the feeling underneath my skin
The words don't pour out of me like
Rain I live in this constipated emptiness
Swallowed my voice which knows not
Which route to take led by feeling-less
Senselessness  
Scribble them down and pain me
Into feeling like I exist
Wake me up
I have been asleep
Lost in the nightmare of
Hurtful confusion

If only I knew
What luck it is
To get a surprise
****** exam of all
Your private information
Through and through
Plus the mic
Is hanging over me
Just like an all seeing
Who can’t stop

Wait... TWICE!!!

Good night muse
Through open mouth comes
Silent nothing you left behind
Forced syllables bubbling to the surface
Pointless use of precious tick-tocks
And dictionary was left under the rain
Soggy pages melted into a feeling state
Comatose of pretence
Your luggage full of stories and unbeknown to you morals
Secretly precious artefacts
Desposed regrets and cynical apologies
Said as a joke to stretch the time away from
Boredom
I'll keep them under pillow where they belong
Filling my dreams with dread of pointless ending
Keeping me from fading into that good night
(I love you Thomas, you old devil hope you're drunk and loved)

Good night muse
I hope you wake one day with
Sense of purpose
Desire that you're know is real
Shiver of urgency running
Down your nerves
Need desire passion
To uncover the world
At the bottom of your fall
Into the mystery of another

The boy who cried wolf
No begged for one to appear
Dangerous and disgusting
With eyes that cut through the night
With teeth bloodthirsty
Rip his clothes and skin to shreads
Reminding the boy
Of everything he wished to forget
Oh dear wolf
Prove that I can be your worthy victim
Share this life with me
And swallow the punishment
At the end of my riffle
So I can be legitimately
Disappointed

Stop for a moment!
slowly i pour the warmth of each
breath into every clenched and tense
fiber of my body
fear is dissolving with
deep awareness
my lungs expanding
taking in what the world has never failed to
provide that which i share with all the myriads
of living creatures in all parts of this
ever spinning sphere
the constance of breath and the slow
continued release
from the tips of my fingers
to the tips of my toes
the silky touch of air
the heat the cold the icy the humid
i feel it in my veins in my chest
on my lips on the tip of my nose
in the expanse of my shoulders
in the softness of my stomach
in the ease of my eyelids
engulfing me wrapping every inch of me
the gentle tinkling of the living energy
moves through my body
touching every inch arousing a feeling
of presence in this very moment
the only one that exists

Fragile illusion
I hang off the cliff
Of my dream
For a solid ground
But sea is everywhere I see
And it didn't leave its storms
Up to me
And the beautify and terror of it
Separated only by
The faint line of my vitality
And it's eternal unstable
Massive permanence
Tomorrow I will crave
For direction
Today
I am but a speck
Carried by the
Waves
Feeling their briny kisses
On the surface of my
Scared skin
Unless I chose to tear my eyes
Away from the blue
And dive
Towards the darkness
Of it all

Letting go of the mind control
On a long exhalation
And allowing your body
To merge with the forces
Of nature
To realize their true nature
To move, breathe, see all that
Was created long before
Humanity
How ******* beautiful

This one is silent
Like an unfelt unexpected apologie
Honestly cold and safe from
Treacherous feeling
This one is dull like
A conversation with too many
Words never to be spoken
Or the black hole in the chest
Ever expanding
This one is to be sipped
As it unfolds
Into our memory
As metamorphosis
That knew not her true face
This one is beyond limits
Beyond definitions fluctuating
Endless continuum between
The depths and hights
Fearful and admiring of them both
This one is about
One that will never be
Because it is
And tomorrow will be another day
This one is about
you

Feed me a question darling milkmaid
Not the nourishing liquid but a perplexing
Openness of the vast curve with a dot
Dropped like an atomic bomb
What is left after all the ties are cut?
Is there a but or an and or maybe...
Multitude of dots to signify
My directionless struggle
To abandon the uncomfortable
Safety with it’s dangerous allure
And grotesque predictability
Promising to swallow me whole
As if the dark void inside I can’t let go
Has substance beyond any measure
What is left of the dairymaid
After the king is settled for what was
Expected
Of someone else
That he never was
And they never knew
And she never spoke up
Waiting patiently
For her women’s share of beating
Hated more than hell
So powerful she was in her
Dangerous powerlessness
Until the last breath
She held herself under his thumb
Proper girl, ******* held by the brackets
Of what others couldn’t comprehend
And the ear already heard
And the eye struggled to find
Spontaneity buried 6 feet under
The past of shameful
Helplessness
The burning bush
The king proclaimed
A shameful rhetoric
Which held none of his
Essence

Oh you dear random current
Flying curses in all directions
Unable to contain the positive
For longer than a few blinks of an eye
Mint tea with honey - it's soothing my moment
May I suggest you join
In this pointlessly pleasant ceremony?
Nothing is dying
No one is betraying
No One is all righteous...
Except of cause Yoda...
Mind is flying in random directions
Away from the here and now
I'll give you a harness for Christmas
...After I find my own)
Insanity is the death of me
The death I kissed in her mouth
Before I learned the lesson of breath
Then she slowly let go
But always in the back of my mind as
Unanswered question of overly emotional
And internally preoccupied
Possessed by feelings of others
I feel but do not KNOW
Something like this could drive you mad
In no time
Unless you find a way to use it.
And when you can't
Well then - goodbye sanity
I hope I'll see you again

Enveloped in your smell
Wrapped in your warmth
Your body so close
It could have been mine
Your food tasted like home
Unraveled by what you never knew
I was
You couldn't see beyond yourself
Your fears your limitations
Your comfort zone
Afraid to face the galaxies of sorrow
In my eyes
I shut them down
Protecting your peace
Only to feel your hand
Holding mine
Always smaller than I could have been
To make myself understood

Hey there boy, I have a message
Mommy sent the dove to deliver...
Said you were alone lately
Conquerer of the world, silly
Playing your games to forget
Do you?
Come let's bathe you in sacred waters
Permiate with sunlight
Your painful nature
Darkness always was and always will be
Like you shall always remain a human.
Come put your sorrows upon my lap
Let me stroke your fear
Hidden behind your ear
Your weary eyes your childlike smile...

The terror crutch is broken
Lend me your hand
I hope to see you walk.
Let's make the first step
I won't let go.

Demons under your pillow
Born yesterday they mustn't stay
Today is new to touch the fate
With faithfulness.

Sleep deeply darling,
Mommy won't leave
I will quietly stay by your side.

Silencio
Words turn meaningless
Swallowed by stillness
In this dark place hidden from life
Where responsibility doesn't reign
Creativity fell asleep
Not dancing
Ankles shackled down to the floor
When did emptiness become so heavy?
Give me a rhythm piper
Spin me alive
Storm my senses
Shake up this bottled up feeling
Make this darkness explode with
Constellations

For now I will continue on my fours

I know a dragon
Ancient and humane
He resides in the cave
He calls lovingly a shadow box
From which he peers
Into the innermost of you
Outstretching a pair of knobbly fingers
To pull the sting out
With a gentle smile
And advice to watch the shame
As if a curious child
Not knowing yet the fear
Of failing
And like a child he smirks at you
With a glance blanketing your doubt
And he could stay in his cave
For ages on end
And he does not like loud parties
In palaces that wouldn’t fit his frame
His fire deemed to hide
Inside the safety of the shadow
To protect mortals from
Being burned alive
By the terrifying truth
Of his breath
Yet with all his strength
He fears my eyes
For he is not accustomed to be seen
And he is angry as much as pleased
To find he is not the only dragon
In the room
How happy I am to find my kin

I wish to take humanity
By the bottom of their
Pupils
And channel
Light



Then go to movies with my kids

Crickets' song is tickling my ear
As I immerse myself into a
Humid warm darkness
This star filled splendor
Embracing my every cell
So inseparably containing
And I share it with all
That is alive
I inhale the experience

Silence sings
What words are
Tired of repeating
Ripe as an oval that
Flows staccato crisp
Consciousness
Is a choice
In those eaten
By hungry
Anxiety

So many doubts, sorry dear
You trigger my angry uncertainty
I want to hang your questions out to dry in sunlight.
Soaked in paranoia let it drip drip on the grass
Apologize for overlooking the masculine perspective
It's so tangled up with the rest of them I forget to remember.
The heat? To hell with it
Throw it down the cliff let it fly
Down like a human man would
The one born to contain his urges
Angry at your utilitarian role
You hope for it to stabilize your instability
Oh dear the paranoia is my sister too
I know it oh so well when drowning in my sleepless fears
I dare challenge you, come on be brave
Live on for soles you borrowed
Don't fear the heat the gift of earthly energy
Stream right into creation of a different kind
Stop throwing doubts in my direction
They're tiring, I'd much prefer
Your honest questions.

Rare moment
Found myself
At a loss of words
That angry outbursting
Satan anarchy heavy metal
Type of kid always a trouble
Spreading red paint all over the place
Like someone got killed
Many time in a raw
Burst into a story of abuse
And then to my astonishment
"I love you"
Then went red from shame
I felt so sorry for him
I wished I could say something encouraging
But I think I failed
I just stood there somewhere close
And continued talking to him
As I felt his shame and anger
And **** did I feel like I failed!
At least he didn't leave