Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
L Seagull Jan 2017
Cuddle with a raven
Will you?
Beak and beady eyed
Sorrow on the pillow
It sprawls into
Distorted shapes of
Unpredictable uncertainty
Inner sense hasn't faltered for
Many moons, or did it?
Perhaps the thought of
Snoozing with a danger
seems thrilling
But wish for the encounter -...
L Seagull Oct 2018
Life isn’t lived if not accompanied
By the steady rhythm
A stomp of steps quiet or loud
Brave or careful the movement
Defined as a breath of oxygen
Away from safety that chocked
The bird that was born to sing
Oh how sad it was to watch it
Wither away and all your hopes
To watch it spread it’s wings
Shimmering in the moonlight
Now it gives away the cold unblinking
Stare just outside the cage
Always looking in
The view remains the same
See through confinement
It gave up all its feathers
Just to hold on
To the cold concrete
Of false hopelessness
False craving for something different
Than unpredictability
Silly bird silly me silly hope
It all ended before it
Was hoped to begin
Passing by an unnoticed suffering
L Seagull Jun 2016
Dawning dullness covers eyelids
Vailed feeling shrinking numbness
Sitting quiet watching shadows
Like a dream it's slipping dripping
Life between my fingers sinking
Into dirt transforming slowly
Thickly painting feelings heavy
Yet...

Final song is still to catch
Distill from the air that
Nurtured lifeless cells
Oh no, wasn't born to waste

No real gesture emerges
For the sea of falseness,
I need some truth
To keep on going
My hands too busy
Keeping my head above
This muddy water
L Seagull Apr 2017
Like a diamond unbreakable
His districtiveness was stronger
Than the fragile fibers
Of his consciousness
That only reminded him
Of his weakness
He liked himself as a snake
Warming against
Someone else's angst
Gradually fueling its heat
Learn your lessons - snakes have their value but who can ever expect them to be genuinely caring
L Seagull Apr 2017
Falling into
Abyss of
Spontaneity
Ultimate
Self-discovery
A little bit too long
L Seagull Jul 2017
In days like these speech flows like air bubbles
Of a silent fish that rests on marble countertop
Awayting certainty that comes with end
Not forest of unanswerable perspectives
That cut deeper than veins with judgement

And just like that all history becomes
Newspaper never published but
Its absence more tangible than real
Crumpled folds of fear held the
Sullen guts and useless bladder

Alone in cosmic vastness making circles
Around the sun not chosen
Attracted to the core unfelt
Gazing at the stars terrifying with the
Insignificance of recurrent aliveness
As they kiss each other
Every now and then

And movement was soaked in pointlessness
Chocking on inspiration escaping with
Perspiration and regrets of not being born
As a flying thing that poked its face
Under the surface and always escaped
The mandane shallowness of the salty realm

Last few gulps of insignificance that she never traded
For a set of scales that went with a shade of water
Or ones that fellows followed with a heart-shaped like
The feeling that falters all with a tickling
Of ungodlike triviality but a constant pull
Of destiny and she thought of start
And life that flew through birth and open wounds
'Twas love that made the difference
In the end it was love that made
All the difference
Love given true as a breath from within
Love that melted boundaries tenderly from without
Birthdays are great for 3 am thoughts about dying
A bit inspired by film Melancholia by Lars Von Trier
L Seagull Jun 2016
On a bright day, next week
Just before the bomb falls
Just before the world ends
Just before I die

All my tears will powder
Black in dust like ashes
Black like Buddha's belly
Black and hot and dry

Then will mercy tumble
Falling down in god heads
Falling on the children
Falling from the sky
L Seagull May 2016
On a step soaking in the
Forest's breath simply
Sitting with my ****
On a wooden board
Hardly thinking
Suddenly powerful
Desire to smile and
Experience every inhalation
As a gift perhaps
Because the life goes on
Perhaps because the mystery
Remained and isn't so
Out of reach
Giving it my permission
To guide me or simply ask
I am grateful to you
My mystery
Simply because you are
And if you wish for an
Innosent gift
Say it simply
It will be my pleasure
On a sunny day
When the dragonfly
Helicoptered past my nose
L Seagull Aug 2016
I dream of falling without fear
Off the cliff of safety
Into the clouds of possibilities
That cover the bottom of this
Mysterious darkness
And on the way
I learn to dare and at last hear
True sound of my voice
Certain as never before
I'm alive indeed
To scream of that which
Never left the prison
Of my mind
Embracing those who hear
With open power
Gift to those who stayed behind
Not calculate my steps
Not count my words
To be squarely in the middle
Of that which I cannot feel
Do not belive
I recognize
The voice of truth
When tears hurt my eyes
When urgency to run or grasp
Overwhelms me out of my frozen casket
Not like anyone else
I breathe and see and feel
Presence of those
Who make my soul vibrate
With deepest notes
Worth all the darkness
All sadness
I ever knew
To feel so deeply
No reason can comprehend
But unavoidably I recognize
My destiny on the way to the bottom
When my body
Will breathe no more
But in the last second of my flight
I knew I lived
And loved as hard as I had strength to give
Of myself, inside out
L Seagull Aug 2016
Openness from within
Is bigger than commitment
It is a string
That connects you to all
To the energy of life
And the darkness of death
Like a wire that transmits energy
Openly
Created and delivered
Not to hurt
Not to punish
But to confirm the truth
Behind ones existence
Openness to trust the feeling
Inspired
And knowledge that it was there for a reason
L Seagull Sep 2016
Sullen irony of the estranged
Ever homeless always
Somewhere on the home bound trail
With a Phoenix of hope
Killed by day and reborn
Under a symphony of moon light
It never ends until
It's done and only time
Keeper knows when the clock strikes
The rhythm of your finale
So shall I  step from the shadow
To be or hide to be seen?
Daily ruminations
L Seagull Aug 2017
In a momentary haze your mind spins
It droops and falls helpless into a vortex of
Smallness insignificant cold uncaring lonely
Smallness of the day when everything big
Either hurt, or used or didn't bother
It knocks the air out of your lungs that suddenly
Have no cause for breathing for why waste the
Precious oxygen? Yet you inhale in quick desperate gulps
And the ground slips from under your feet
It's all pointless - to save yourself, to seek help, to go on
Too small too emptied and filthy with their intentions
In tension with the needs needs needs...
The hopes that you found suitable for fire setting  
Pointless naive stupid hopes
So hatable you demolish them at once
Into waste under worthless sign
Forget the pain whatever it takes
It left you with blisters and hanging shoulders
With your chin tucked underneath your
Self-worth and you are not walking you are
Dragging yourself along the path
In the direction of pointless consumerism
And fame fame fame is all you wish, its all you hear
It's all you know of care because it's all that keeps them around
Them the faceless the soulless manikins that
Seem to have something you don't
Those hatable bodies that fill up the space
Around your black hole
And you fall and you fall and you fall
And all the things you have don't make you happy
And praise or kindness makes you paranoid
And you take all these little tablets of oblivion
Together in one gulp to forget
Just how far you still are from where you
Wish... if only you could wish to be
There was a choice somewhere in there, made every day for the sake of weakness to fight
L Seagull Jul 2017
Trust is a foreign word
If the voices inside
Are louder than truth
L Seagull Feb 2019
Drop the stream through this sieve into the bottle
Where it shouldn’t belong you wish to
Drink up the poisoned milk in infinitesimal gulps
Of deathly satisfaction only because
The glass shards under your feet pretended
To be the grass and you believed as much as
That what felt like downfall was anything resembling warmth
Sneaking snapshots of neglect for nothing else
Is allowed to who you know yourself to be
And nothing else is a possibility for the
Identity was outlined in ink and blood and
Disappointment and disappointed you are
As a way to make the world feel familiar
At least there is one listener to make one feel at home
While the rest hold on to their promises
While keeping their ears open and their feet in the destined direction
And you are wasting away the precious moments
To drag yourself through the dessert of
Familiar bitterness
To be seen through the prism of your
Poisoned safety blanket
Only as illegitimate
Worthless poem really. A hundred bucks works better than mirrors
L Seagull Jul 2016
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size  
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,  
The stride of my step,  
The curl of my lips.  
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,  
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,  
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.  
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.  
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,  
And the flash of my teeth,  
The swing in my waist,  
And the joy in my feet.  
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered  
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,  
They say they still can’t see.  
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,  
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my *******,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.  
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.  
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,  
The bend of my hair,  
the palm of my hand,  
The need for my care.  
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
L Seagull Mar 2018
Same life
Same wheel
Same squirrel
Rushing towards
Nochangeatall
One could think
She found her comfort zone
The cage was open
All along
And then the incessant reminder of the shittiness of your nature... like being what you believe in is beyond the scope of your effort
L Seagull Apr 2017
Tantruming kid is destroying
Against her own hopes
Powerless to keep playmates
All she ever knew was to
Submit or dominate
Never to be mindful
Or show respect to another
So very futile
Golden rule of child rearing: don't pay too much attention to tantrums and ******* up. Give them positive validation when they deserve it instead. Until then, just be present somewhere close and let them know you're watching over them, but don't engage
L Seagull Jun 2016
One would think
A conversation
A simple thing
A little piece of blather here and there
Don't listen don't ask
Questions are too much
To consider
Dig the deep hole
For the source of
Your curiosity
Why bother?
Just talk after another
Made a pause
And then go back to
The solitary confinement
Of your isolation
L Seagull Mar 2018
One more day of
What else is there to say
Relationship that keeps on
Taking and throwing words
At you in return
L Seagull May 2016
Repetition of small
Moments
To enjoy them
Is the greatest task
Leading to true contentment
Warm smell of chicken roasting
Kissing two little heads
Worth more than life itself
Television filling up the silence
Airplane noise
Smell of spring in the air
Freshly green leaves
Soft carpet under my toes
Headache reminding I'm still alive
What insignificantly
Important pieces
What does your present feel like?
L Seagull Feb 2018
Silence isn’t an empty thing
It has volume it has shade and
A feeling ... so very contradictory
L Seagull Sep 2017
Genius could be a killer
A lot of insecure people become shrinks. So in my field being good at what you do is exactly what will prevent you from achieving. Overheard my supervisor talking on the phone about me - I don't need geniuses at my department. Soooo... I haven't lost any clients, people say I saved their lives... but perhaps I won't get this ******* job... not as a shrink that I am to the core of my being... only as an arts teacher
L Seagull Aug 2016
Purely clear purely fresh purely innocent
Pure ignorance of a child
Or beastly wish to fill oneself with love
If pure love feels so innately undeserved
Purely seduced into the world of shadows
For the pure desire to be cared for
To the brim throught the roof
And into the pitch dark smog
Surrounded by pure darkness
Breathing it pure, undiluted
Except maybe...
Purity of intentions
Every day is a new attempt
No sign to carry no license
Not a real quality
Illusion of an absolute
Absolute illusion
L Seagull Aug 2017
The sun is rising
And it is yet again
Another opportunity
To do your best
At anything you partake
To give with open heart
To hear with open mind
To feel without skin
To grieve and remain connected
To be faithful to
What is trith
And hold on
To the meaning
You glimpsed through
Psychedelic haze
That all on earth is one
Therefore to give is to receive
And purpose is that where the flow
Carries you in the direction
Where all that is not you
Disintegrates into thin air
And you are left with
That which is exactly you
Where doubt is absent
Where the feeling of
Transcending something beyond
Your limited experience
Feeds you with nectar
Of that one thing
The most nurturing thing
That no crowds and cheering
Would ever replace
For it is true
Felt most deeply
That connects you to all there is
As a therapist I chose a path in life that turned out to be so much more difficult than I ever imagined. Being praised by professors for my "talent" felt rewarding and even more so seeing the lives of people I worked with change... like that one boy who I ended up writing my thesis on - abandoned by mom and raised in a dangerous neighborhood, suffering from PTSD and ADHD he was the most disruptive kid in his elementary school. In a month of working with him I uncovered that he did not believe he was lovable. I remember the feeling that this was maybe the most important moment I would ever have with him and how necessery it was to say the right thing. So I praised him for having a heart that has the most immense capacity to love which is a gift to treasure. He believed me. Next time I saw him he said he decided to change. The rest of the year I watched him trying for the first time in five years and I realized then that the gift of being so close to the innermost of another human being is the most fulfilling place I could ever have in my life. So I spend every second I have free to improve my craft so one day I can rightfully say I know enough to speak it loud and clear. But if I could I would never charge for what I do now. Because I gain more than I give. And it is a blessing that majority of people too bound to external validation would never understand. There is depth in true connection that is the most profound thing I ever experienced. Yes, it is very difficult to get started in this field because it is so subjective and so filled with conflicted insecure people who do not wish to help you if they think you might have more potential than they do. I have some real enemies who are very close to the top of my field so I have nearly no help from all those people who promised to help me get started in my career. But if I had to die today I would have a few moments to be truly proud of
P.S. I suffer from doubts so the rant above is just a way to shake them off. Not many can understand my path, particularly those who just like the majority of modern people are painfully self-centered
L Seagull Jul 2016
It will all make sense in the end
The turmoil the lack of control
The gifts bestowed and blindness to light
The need to dive into a deeper understanding
And lifetime drowning in questions
Desdain for perfection and possession by it
The words like a broken thread of beads
Now scattered out of my grip
And precision of what needs to be said
Kindness that brings tears and malice
Answered with a smile
It will all tie together in a tight knot
Into the last breath that will only be that
A breath and a memory
L Seagull Sep 2016
“The greater the doubt, the greater the awakening; the smaller the doubt, the smaller the awakening.  No doubt, no awakening.”
The point of it all. We all are work in progress
L Seagull May 2016
My sexuality to your fear of ambiguity
Like hot oil on the wound
I know you missed the lesson of distinction
Between myself and safety of your fragile spirit
The difference is that
My body and my *** are parts of my own being
I wasn't born to satisfy
To be a target or a prize makes me wild
With rage
So do release that awkward tension
I am to be me and to enjoy this life with all my senses
The way I do when not submerged in shadow
The warmth of closeness, the movement's feel, the rhythm of breath, the softness of my lover's skin,
Forgetting the limits of myself, merging with cosmos through his touch.
Do rest assured your physique  doesn't strike my fansy
I am repulsed at the idea
Hardly **** to push those ugly triggers
Sorry, no rhyme today, probably will delete this in a little while. For now i need to let the steam
out . Some ******* was aggressively hitting  on me at the bar yesterday. Was ready to **** this subhuman *******.
L Seagull Dec 2016
Sipping seconds like drops of ache
Unsettling simultaneously as they
Fill in the void of the moment
Fulfill the prophesy of the long gone
And never remembered by mind alone
Stupid so so stupid - the mind says
So we flip the protective switches
And bury the dreadful thoughts
Because there is something bigger
Greater meaning that begs to be enveloped
As years pass with the same consistency
Of a rational psychosis
Just step off a cliff
And suppose you will learn to fly
Leave it up to faith
A tad sarcastic
L Seagull Aug 2016
Happy
Must be exhilarated so lucky
So loved and cherished
So devoted and not without
Some wisdom of that which is all
Spark once penetrating the vision
Yet darkness was ever present
Years after years night and day
Same color of despair
Only a feeling
But powerful enough
To drive you mad
So darkness is all you wish
To surround yourself with
Only to feel at home
Suffered from depression since I was 13. It suddenly lifted a few months ago, so I am learning to be a new me. It almost feels unsettling
L Seagull Nov 2016
I fantasize my memory
As a souvenir to feed undying hope
Thinning and fragile but
Ever present until darkness
Devours the last rays of
Sunlight and I become earth
There is no truth in the reality
Of a mind that lacks purpose
There is no logic in the reality
Of faith
L Seagull Apr 2017
Remember the sacrifice
With a warm humility in you heart
Embrace your neighbor
Painted eggs as a symbol
Of mystery hidden in the unknown
The potential of nothing
To become a universe
A mystery in the shell
That faith transforms
Into eternal hope
Three kisses on the freckled cheeks
And all households are
Open to a sense of unity
And the church choir is
Singing with such exuberance
And the sun never fails to shine
And the point is not in someone's power
But in your ability
To absorb the sun into the pores
Of your being
And shine
Baptized as a Christian orthodox I was never a big believer in church. Quite the opposite. But there is something sacred in the ancient tradition of Easter  I grew up with that gives me an empty feeling every time the egg hunt day comes
L Seagull Dec 2016
Forgive those who ask for forgiveness and let go of those who hold tight to their ego and fear. Let things flow in their natural direction
L Seagull Feb 2019
It’s coming at you
Like the dark cloud it proclaimed
It’s inappropriate intentions
With the lack of clarity
And a secret desire to burn
The witch that fell
For an apple
She never wanted
Anyways
Just looking at an adversitising in the distance
L Seagull Jul 2016
Such beauty in this simplicity
Of living through moments
Expiriencing life
Solitary instances of
Eye sinking into the depth of
Another
Never ending
Even in silence
Present, always present
So strikingly near
I could almost touch
A thought of you
Simply being in this word
Knowing that there is you in it
Makes darkness loosen her grip
Labels do not belong here
There are no instructions
To this game
It is in the here and now
Of every given second
In the acceptance of silence
And absence of thought
In the nakedness of the spirit
And knowing before hearing
Something beautiful
That words could not contain
To the people I love. Thank you!
L Seagull May 2016
XXXIII.
There was the Door to which I found no Key:
There was the Veil through which I could not see:
Some little talk awhile of Me and Thee
There was - and then no more of Thee and Me.
L Seagull May 2016
Well well well sailor
Tucked the gun back into your pants
Panting all overcome
With obsessive you don't know what
Here I am the future mermaid
Isn't it where the drowned go if heaven spits them out?
Don't know if they'd accept.
Cheers to you frightened
Never a complete silence in the open sea
Sing yourself a song of solitude
Next time you wish to put me back in place
Where you belong
With your fear of stupidity.
Or maybe... Maybe I won't leave
Yes, I probably won't
I tried once or twice before.
Alter ego is not for me to choose
My doppelgänger gangsta crazy beach.
So please, if you decide to have a snack
Out of my good intentions
May I suggest pickling?
So it may last you through lifetime
Of self imposed misery.
Add lemon so it's not too fishy
And salt generously with your f...ng tears
I guess you're right, angry is better than depressed
L Seagull May 2016
Chinese say cursed is that glowing up in times of change

Childhood: sunny, monotonous, always limited
But predictable and warm
With a face of our sacred syphilitic
Soon to be desposed.  
Gramps the ****** he was, enjpying the forms of his son's whife
Shame wasn't his thing, neither was it my dad's
So he blinked, joked and turned
The other way
Grandma the saintly creature always a leader always so moral
When she read her bible, gave me sour aftertaste
To last through the years. Gossiper lady could start a war
Raising me an enemy to my own father. Why? I still don't know.
Uncle: the beautiful and charming creature of the void
Pleading begging blinking with long eyelashes
For treatment with what he was supposed to be treated against
Those beautiful gator tears...
Later - school, idiotic teachers,
Peers proud of crawling, the lowest wins!
Disillusionment started to sink in.
Are you still thinking? Weird!
No hopes, no dreams, no identity
No culture, no history
All thrown out the window
Music, values, inspiration and the rest
Revolution mades like to clear out space for the new beginnings
Starting from the point zero. Could have been neanderthals.
Slaves couldn't fix themselves some freedom
They only saw in movies.
They went with the flow -
papa government will feed, treat and raise
cattle that we were.
Are you questioning still?  Get in the line!
Looked up to crime and punishment
To learn my true heritage
All made sense, especially the urge to flea.
Could not breathe the airless any longer
Felt frog growing in my chest
******* out aspirations and infusing fears
Learned helpless buddied up to crows
And abandoned buildings.
And a joint on the edge of the roof was one thing
To make me feel alive.
Almost married one day then awoke
With a startle packed bags
Five hundred bucks in my sock
And away I flew.
To learn you never gain without a loss
Anyone struggling to come up with new topics?Interested in playing a little poetry game? Send me a message
L Seagull Jun 2017
With swollen knuckles
That pain my eyes
You grip at the handle of a door
That melts into your hand like hope
Sinking beneath the layers of failed
Attempts to release the light kept
Deep inside you fail and fail and
Fail again to stand and wish
To look outside your prison mind
And trust one thing
That heaven sent mystery
And you fall and fail, fail and fall
You hope like a daydream
Like a tattoo of unfulfillable promise
Like your mother says she's staying
But you know she's only wishing you'd stop crying
Never a heart beating truth
Your hope is such
A cocktail of futility and fireworks
Explosions dangerous so back off your
Mortal vessels a monster's here
So please do be afraid
And if the spark of heaven told you
The reflection is an illusion
And you sense the truth
Of a shattered mirror mind
And sense the purpose
In the undying image
Burned inside your eyelids
I'll run away for good
I'm good at running
For better days when wounds would heal
And world would change
And people take the turns
Hopping on converters clearly defined
Perfection and garbage
Package themselves and seal their limits
With inspected labels of satisfaction guaranteed
Ambiguity doesn't threaten my
Scared limitations
I'll promise you the world and hell
Wrapped together with one ribbon
If you promise me the way I like it
Perversely so the wind carries me faster
In the direction away and gone
Samsara as cycle of aimless drifting, wandering or mundane existence
L Seagull Sep 2016
One of those days
When agitation drives productivity
Up the wall and out through
Dark chimney
As little eye contact
As possible to continue breathing
Non stop doing not enough
While hanging somewhere in the air
With feet not grounded on the soil
That holds my truth
Was there ever a piece of land that did?
Gulping for a sense of belonging
Just like i did since long before anything
Started happening
So far away from the start
Yet held by the same forces
My best frenemies
That uncover
The illusion of being
When it does not come
From within
Pushing away the
Aliveness to be properly
Placed in the net of sameness
Normality of boredom
Oh how I hate it
L Seagull Dec 2016
LS:   This place is desolate
Where darkness ***** at your pupils
And infuses your lungs with a cocktail
Of cold and despair
Amongst the mistletoe and bells ringing
You hear a quiet echo of
Isolation that has no shape
Unexplained, ever mysterious
Fearesome lack of a vital link
To hold your feet down on the plane
Familiar to countless faceless strangers
And familiar faces alike
Where willingly you could join
In a silly dance around the circle
Outlined many spiraling ages ago
And feel at ease and ONE

And to the sound of choral
I could fly up with crows
And see it all from
Unattainable
High
Up there in the milky clouds
But
Nature is so uniformally ordered and
Strange as it is no law contains
This spirit so eager to escape

WW: I hear the darkening silence echo
And drone in the northwood stillness.
The forest treetops lurching south
Into the memory of sunlight
Crowns bending unbroken,
Grasping unspoken,
To behold the waning daylight

While the spell of darkness cast deprives,
It opens up the craving soul

This is the naked truth,
This is the light
Oozing from graying monotone
Spilling from cracks between the pause,
Betwixt the shapeless lines of poetry’s refrain …

For life is not a work of art,
The colour a fleeting moment cannot last
And the paradise of going somewhere else
Still so far away

wildish
Second version of the poem, now not only my own. Thanks Wild is the wind, really enjoyed our collab! Love the way your imagery contributed to the original
L Seagull Mar 2017
How can I open the window shut by fear
Let in the air of humanity
Into the stifling chamber filled with rage
How can I speak my heart you
Precious human behind the lens painted domino
You who believes in survival
At the hand of this sorting machine
Where you hid yourself
You whose strength I admire
Your generosity and loyalty
Makes me feel at home
Your warmth and mine
Gives out he same heat
Embrace me,
Hide me from cold indifference
We paint the masks
With patterns of truth and real
Yet still you are hidden
Behind a the mirror glass
Standing next to you
I reflect the hate of my complexion
And your ever so hurt
History
Will never allow me
To belong
Yet another day of trying to get over immersing myself into the world that lacks the niche for my identity
L Seagull Feb 2017
Down the line
You stumble over
Stumble under
Uninspired
Always
Crawl along the border
Limitation borderline

Other side
You're undeserving
Of the better
Served yesterday on the
Sorrow platter
Bitterness grows
Negative space
Devouring and expanding
Pulsating void

From
Within
Emptiness devoid of
Meaning;
From
Without -
The world
Is waiting
To be included
So often we stop ourselves from growing. Fear of being undeserving to be better... our own worst enemies
L Seagull Aug 2017
Never confuse
Connection for luck of boundary
Or
Communication with speaking out loud
Sometimes we get stuck
Inside out bubble
Sometimes we dont get to learn
How to come out
Get lost in the depression and anxiety
Of alienated pride
Nothing but self-centered solitude
Can come out of a
Lack of empathy
If I let you into my life - I care. Your feelings, interests, everyday random impressions - all parts of your world become important. I wish to not only know you, but I wish you well

Here's from one of my favorite books Little Prince:
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."


So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
L Seagull May 2016
It wasn't voices of bodiless spirits
Whispering sonnets of cruel advice
But a strange power of knowing
Like all things she discovered before
Unexplainable feelings
That led her like the tool she was
To the source of light and pain
Where destiny resided
Intuition that never faltered
That dawned and never left
This time senseless
Defying nature
Miracle of a different kind
Without proof or purpose
Simply feeling to stay around
Burdensome hurtful possessive.
Mind insisted to follow logic
Pride begged to save time
Her dreams getting stuck in line
Yet every emotion screams
With voice of awesome realization.
She lifted her head up
Yelling at the stars through
The dark ceiling
"Please make sense!
Enough ******* already"
Yet it quietly smiled, stayed
And grew and endured
And who is she to know
But an ant in the chain
Of universal purpose.
Sometimes life makes no sense
L Seagull Nov 2017
As I look into your cold needy eyes
Last thing I’ll do is feed you with my suffering
Watch my body being inaccessible
To your lowly trembling
My body is a magnet
To your self-loving evil
So  keep that shaking urge
And remember how
Someone saw you all the way through
Oh how uncomfortable
How vulnerable it feels
To be exposed in all your
Disgrace
Remember how someone did not fall
For your petty game
Little man
We both know
I am simply better than you
And none of your manipulations
Will diminish my self-worth
Imagining how I would cut his ***** off and burn it in front of him . Cheers
P.S. happy thanksgiving y’all
L Seagull Apr 2017
On the night when
A thousand lions waived into the velvet
Of a cold winter sky
Seized their roar succumbing
To the call of ever hungry
Thanatos the ruler of all
I saw wolves pupils
That like solar eclipse
Imprinted onto the very fabric
Of my sleepless eyes
Hunted they looked
And void of meaning
Yet searching
And with a tug of some
Greater force
I fell into faith of a
Greater purpose
Something never ending I could not comprehend
And with a wordless howl it spoke
Of poisoned fields that saved him from starvation
Of mad coyotes that either bit or never saw him
Never part of the pack
Pretend nurtured in his fantasy
By barking scavengers
He turned into mythical wolf gods
At a whim simply to make the hell beautiful
So he fell under and crawled
Wormlike he condemned the self
To preserve the only world
The saddest tale that he only half believed
And a she crawled he ate only
The fallen berries and those worms
That felt all too familiar
And yet the wolf he was
And to prove he broke into a howl
Magnificent desperate powerful
Like anything he could have been
Inside the simple sound composed of
All that was left of the predators heart
And it glistened in the moonlight
Like the brightest star
He never learned to see
Within himself
And suddenly the word
Replaced the howl
As he coughed throwing up
The story he could not contain
Of darkness and death that filled his ribcage
And suddenly the howl subsided
The only anchor for the yet not lost
Piece of heart
That anchored his damaged spirit to reality
And what did my ever so loved
Sensitive self
Had to say to the true torment
How could I not feel guilty of
His loss
How could a cold embrace of my curiosity
Be worth the void of beauty
In this hopeless creature
Ever hurting
Ever eager to prove me wrong
For hope hurts more than sarcasm
That nothing of value was all there was
Of this shattered broken now voiceless heart
And what did I have to share of my own
But to expose petty sentiments
The raw sensations of self-proclaimed spectator
All my truth brought on nothing but
His contempt
What was there of value
In all this staring
Under the starless blanket
Of the cold night sky
Pointless was to continue
So I stepped away
To where it could not see
And while some things never change
Some things loose their meaning
I now listened to his howl
As it emerged
One day again into existence
Where I was not as much
L Seagull Nov 2016
T'is a speechless season
It's wind is blowing under your doubt
Catching off guard
T'is a season of I don't know whys
And marterdom fantasies
And panicky waves
And calm ice through my veins
And the fear is fought on the surface
Though underneath is still
And speechless or pressured, carriage is carrying you
Along of the road of acceptance
L Seagull May 2016
Shattered shattered the light
******* the gaze into an empty well
Producing sounds is all that's left
Expanding darkness absorbing
I stepped in its direction
Reminded of the void so familiar
Darkness so soothing
Like a dream of non existence
Like the sound of eternal silence
Then smile came
And it was
Alive
L Seagull Apr 2017
Brokenness is a pattern
Pull the **** trigger again
See you next week
L Seagull Jul 2017
Where gratitude resides there's no hate
Where mind is present there's no death
Next page