'All they who thoughtless are, nor heed,
What timeDeath's messengers appear,
Must long the pangs of suffering feel
In some base body habiting.
But all those good and holy men,
What time they see Death's messengers,
Behave not thoughtless, but give heed
To what the Noble Doctrine says;
And in attachment frighted see
Of birth and death the fertile source,
And from attachment free themselves,
Thus birth and death extinguishing.
Secure and happy ones are they,
Released from all this fleeting show;
Exempted from all sin and fear,
All misery have they overcome.'
Anguttara-Nkaya, iii.35

Don't take me wrong
But
Starbucks
Chile
Mocca
Frappuccino
***

Falling into
Abyss of
Spontaneity
Ultimate
Self-discovery

Is what I feel on my tongue
Every time I attempt
To utter a phrase
In a futile direction
My rationality
Cannot cope with pointlessness
But  like an unstoppable
Energizer bunny
I go ahead despite it all
Smileless

Spider caught
Inside his own
Spit net
Hungry and so afraid
To be alone
Aging narcissistic
Lost not quite accomplished
Feeling it's getting late
Fearing the dark
Fearing memories
Craving power
Tripping on malice  
And so so cold
Interacting and interrelating
Within the split atoms
Of her hopeless nature

Tis that beyond the clouds that
Never left the sky above my head
The drop of rain I felt in dream
Read in a book, sung in a song
Not knowing still I sing along
A dream of life to ever wilting
I swear I'd punch a hole
In ray of light inside my soul

I hope, though sooner I will quit
A shot of whiskey to the inner kid
Still looking for escape I pray
To bitter ending void of *******

Through all the poetry you spill
Like smoke that's meant to keep me chill
I didn't listen to your hissing
I know better I know better
I keep it bitter to keep me sane
Your eyes speak to my soul
I turn away to keep me whole
No one is allowed in this unity
Of me and my mutiny
I keep it bitter to keep me sane

You know it's beyond control
When I feel loved
The end comes to it all
I quit

Sometime I swallow a pause
A fishy tail invisibly sticking out
Of my open mouth trying to
Force syllables in some coherent order
Like beads on a string
That’s too thick I push the words
With all my lightweight might
And see them spread awkwardly
Reflected in some pair of eyes
There is a cold feeling inside my chest
I do not wish to see
Your silent question
I am hiding somewhere
While the other one takes hold
Arrogant *****
I just listen to her speak
With disdain
How did I get lost
So deep in the forest
Of myself
Why small talking
Became so confusing

Erase myself to experience
And though the leaf looks so
Divinely alive and at one with the sun
Without aching there is no poetry

Like air to suffocation water to a spark and mountain peak to the ocean's depths
Darkness would cease its grip not held by light to its meaning  
Like black and white polarities attract exchanged each other's eyes to bind into inseparable vision
Ancient circle the sign of creation
Unity of two without another only abundance of insufficient, lifeless
Fatally boring
The truth is in between where opposites attract, combust, produce, transcend
Fragile and imperfect HUMANITY
Oh so real, so full of feeling, so alive and vital
Covered with sweat, tears and blood
Smiling to the chirping of a bird
Hopeful until the last exhale
Evil and compassion, two tails spinning around each other
A road going uphill goes down all the same
Oh how terribly disorienting this existence without absolutes
This reality outside boundaries
So yin invites the yang for lifetime's waltz
And cocktail of blue skies' joy and broken sorrow
They drink on Bruderschaft
And scream ALIVE

True change flows from acceptance
The hardest of lessons it blinds you
With its brutal starkness
So you confuse the light of truth
With the pain in your eyes
Fear of reality shuts doors
So alone you sit in the darkness
In the grim fantasy of your immodest
Boastful but in reality desperately frightened
Illusion
Molding your memorial out of suffering
Pointlessly convinced that only destruction
Could prove that you are still alive
Although you'd be the first one to disbelieve
Because you are simply terrified
To live

Put your memory on the shelf
Let it air for a little while.
Sitting where you are erase your mind
Only for a second to feel the breath
The scent in the air
Can you sense the spring?
Rejuvenation of nature
The little spring flower
Budding, raising head from underneath the earth
Somewhere on the other side of a planet
A cat is licking her newborn baby's back
Elsewhere a waterfall creates a rainbow in the air
A child playing with stones in a desert
Smiling in awe of his imagination
Someone is giving a hand to the old age's weakness
Feeling fulfilled by the act of kindness
And connection
A comet passing by leaving a spectacular mark
Then fading away
A fish surviving teeth of a predator
The sweet scent of rain
Warmth of mother's breast touched by little fingers
That haven't learned the meaning of separation...
The air of life entering your being starting
At the tip of your nose
Embracing you from the inside
Filling you entirely
Your every cell nourished
With the same air breathed by millions,
Young and old, trees and beasts
Careless and dull
Brave and hopeful.
Your essence is not separate from
All of them
Living under the same sun
Fearing the same fate
Wishing to hold hands
With those who understand

To inhale and release
Or to excercise and be an adult
Maybe to write the list of chores
So I can pretend I am an adult
While rebelling against it
Maybe inhale and go to gym
Oh... but then I'll be tied in knots
From sweaty dudes looking at me
It makes me angry
Worse off when they start talking to me
Why do they get me so angry?
Why did that narcissistic *** gay colleague of mine
**** me off so much - I know that beach is competitive
But I thought our cause should make us a little
Bigger than weighing ourselves on the scale of
Who is the most popular
I used to think highly of him
Now I got a little war going on
And there is even something satisfying about it
My other colleague stupidly aligned with
The gay ***** so I showed her a little dramma
You know - a heartbroken kind of drama
Oh she felt so bad, following me all doggy eyed
**** her she deserved it
I was actually kind to her
Now she feels like ****
Because she's been bullied most of her youth
And it's hard to flip from victim into an *******
Many things make me angry
Thinking about getting angry makes me angry
I shall inhale
Goodbye

Old man soaked in his *****
Dripping down his pants
Down the flight of stairs
His stare blurry
Past the point of no return, past his dignity
Drowned humanity
Went down with his only little
baby girl now a mother
Not any more
Slain by the hand of her children's father...
I played with them
She was kind and pretty
He was a brute
Shallow and dangerous...

I never saw them again
Kids stayed with the dad
Old man needed his space to fall apart
Police didn't play the part
I am still sick only thinking about
What life some people have to face

You're asking why the comfort doesn't
Keep away the angst?
They're still with me
Memories of all the broken people
I had a chance to meet
They never fade
That memory composed my purpose
Without it I don't exist at all

I'm not sure
What I'm looking for anymore
I just know
That I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be
Instead of me
But the key
Is a question of control

Can you say
What you're trying to play anyway
I just pay
While you're breaking all the rules
All the signs that I find
Have been underlined
Devils thrive on the drive
That is fuelled

All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe
All the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve
Something that rings true

There's a hole in your soul
Like an animal
With no conscience
Repentance unknown
Close your eyes
Pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds
That are sown

Can't conceal what I feel
What I know is real
No mistaking the faking
I care
With a prayer in the air
I will leave it there
On a note full of hope
Not despair

All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe
All the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve
Something that rings true

Feed me a question darling milkmaid
Not the nourishing liquid but a perplexing
Openness of the vast curve with a dot
Dropped like an atomic bomb
What is left after all the ties are cut?
Is there a but or an and or maybe...
Multitude of dots to signify
My directionless struggle
To abandon the uncomfortable
Safety with it’s dangerous allure
And grotesque predictability
Promising to swallow me whole
As if the dark void inside I can’t let go
Has substance beyond any measure
What is left of the dairymaid
After the king is settled for what was
Expected
Of someone else
That he never was
And they never knew
And she never spoke up
Waiting patiently
For her women’s share of beating
Hated more than hell
So powerful she was in her
Dangerous powerlessness
Until the last breath
She held herself under his thumb
Proper girl, ******* held by the brackets
Of what others couldn’t comprehend
And the ear already heard
And the eye struggled to find
Spontaneity buried 6 feet under
The past of shameful
Helplessness
The burning bush
The king proclaimed
A shameful rhetoric
Which held none of his
Essence

Overstepping the limit
The line once drawn by
The enmeshment of all familiar faces
Conditionally loving their reflection
In my face
The pain of falling
Of being alone in the dark is so
Overwhelmingly tangible
But ones who dare
Ones who soar high
And fiercely live
Fall into themselves
Willingly
Off the cliff of familiar
And into the unknown
But deeply felt
Light
Of creative release

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard
And I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on
And I will never need umbrellas in the rain
I'll wake up in strawberry fields every day
And the atrocities of school I can forgive
The happy phantom has no right to *****
Oh who
The time is getting closer
Oh who
Time to be a ghost
Oh who
Every day we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will we pay for who we been?

So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel
They'll be my ticket to the universal opera
There's Judy Garland taking Buddha by the hand
And then these seven little men get up to dance
They say Confucius does his crossword with a pen
I'm still the angel to a girl who hates to sin

Oh who
The time is getting closer
Oh who
Time to be a ghost
Oh who
Every day we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will I pay for who I've been, yeah?

Or will I see you dear and wish I could come back
You found a girl that you could truly love again
Will you still call for me when she falls asleep
Or do we soon forget the things we cannot see

Oh who
The time is getting closer
Oh who
Time to be a ghost
Oh who
Every day we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will we pay for who we been?

Character sprouts and spreads
And penetrates the view the action
And response
Does this skin fits my inner world?
Does my inner world fit my outfit?
Blanket embroidered with a portrait of
Your heart's temple and a flag to your war
Is it a boldly stated truth undoubtful axiom?
Is this changing shape metamorphosis
Faithfully truth to her essence?
While stretching it's limbs  
Transforming it's tangible qualities...
The flexible substance is essence of the Constance
Do you find such substance in what's expected?
Do you follow instructions compulsively
Step by step towards a ready made final product?
Character defined and well understood
With a resounding hahaha and a polite distance
The character in keeping the face and the stiff upper lip
Giving lip service to the leaders and those to be followed on Twitter
Hiding the angst in the nights embrace
Facing the morning as must be done
Over and over and over
With much character for others to see

Memory drawn on a page
Scribbled like a Freudian slip
From the back of your mind
It oozed onto the paper
To be devoured by your
Surprised gaze
Only you can understand
And maybe to surface
Meaning will take its time
But you will feel its shadow
Hanging over your head
And you will fear the same
You did before the child
Gave up his will to fight
Heavy it will be
But to step forward
The chain of memory
Will have to be
Linked back together

Every moment there is a possibility
A slim chance of reality turning
Upside down and inside out
So all your expectations
Run down the sink hole
Living you dry and small
Taking a moment
One breath at a time
Expecting nothing
But living sharply in the moment
There is no control
Only complex mosaic
Of emotions and sensations
So when I look into your eyes
I don't seek perfection
But connection that
Only giving in to life
Can produce
And so I feel

Labels composed by us compose us
Disturbing to my fear of limitations
Diminishing the eternity inside my
Mind my endless potential to outgrow
The setting and expectations
They are soothing to another
Who wishes for their containment
To predict the chaos outside his grip
Not simply words they are
But identity itself outlined with sharp
Rigid self-disposing line
Mother Teresa stripping off layers of church
Walks around buck naked making love to strangers
Why shan't mother Mary embrace Magdalena in her?
Psychopath laughing at himself
Accidentally picking up the wave from
Judgmental stranger yet caring enough to be
Honest, was that calculated or the way it
Seemed - instinctive
Suggesting the mirror inside him was not entirely broken
Uncovering the bud of empathy?
****** strive for connection
Cutting through the edge of one-sidedness?

Feeling trembling reverberating
Inside my chest in my temples
Eyes sore from trying to see
The world behind a heavy cloud of
Smoke emitted from burning
Of the past hopes foliage
Angst frustration mess of it all
Cavelike all absorbing darkness
Sipping into the pores
Is anybody here?
Can't see outside my mind
All a blur unfocused disorganized mess
Of a meaning, structure fallen apart
Windswept keepsakes
Pages into ashes
Graphite could become a diamond
But this painful moment
Is more precious still
And so I write

Do not spit in the well - you might be thirsty by and by.

Leave no place for confusion
It is only the breath of air
Through a story long told
Never spilled from your mouth
I am here to hear it
Present with you
Here and now
Keep the space between us
Pure and distant just enough
And I will follow you
Into your deep

This one is silent
Like an unfelt unexpected apologie
Honestly cold and safe from
Treacherous feeling
This one is dull like
A conversation with too many
Words never to be spoken
Or the black hole in the chest
Ever expanding
This one is to be sipped
As it unfolds
Into our memory
As metamorphosis
That knew not her true face
This one is beyond limits
Beyond definitions fluctuating
Endless continuum between
The depths and hights
Fearful and admiring of them both
This one is about
One that will never be
Because it is
And tomorrow will be another day
This one is about
you

Тяжело и прискорбно мне видеть,
Как мой брат погибает родной.
И стараюсь я всех ненавидеть,
Кто враждует с его тишиной.

Посмотри, как он трудится в поле,
Пашет твердую землю сохой,
И послушай ты песни про горе,
Что поет он, идя бороздой.

Или нет в тебе жалости нежной
Ко страдальцу сохи с бороной?
Видишь гибель ты сам неизбежной,
А проходишь его стороной.

Помоги же бороться с неволей,
Залитою вином, и с нуждой!
Иль не слышишь, он плачется долей
В своей песне, идя бороздой?
1912

Thank you thorn
For reminding me
How beautiful
The color of my aliveness can be
Thank you human
For being an endless depth
I immerse myself into
When artificiality
Makes me want to
Dissociate into a cloud of smoke
Thank you music
For accompanying my mood swings
Thank you rain
For helping my melancholy
Feel at ease
Thank you betrayal
For reminding me
What true friendship should be
Thank you reality
For alerting my senses
With a slap in the face
Thank you bottomless hole
For accepting my efforts
Thank you randomness
For the pleasure of spontaneity
Thank you
For all that simply IS

Remember the sacrifice
With a warm humility in you heart
Embrace your neighbor
Painted eggs as a symbol
Of mystery hidden in the unknown
The potential of nothing
To become a universe
A mystery in the shell
That faith transforms
Into eternal hope
Three kisses on the freckled cheeks
And all households are
Open to a sense of unity
And the church choir is
Singing with such exuberance
And the sun never fails to shine
And the point is not in someone's power
But in your ability
To absorb the sun into the pores
Of your being
And shine

Green leafy sea and rocky layers of blue
Thunderstorm
Yellow sky floods the windshield
Atmospheric feels so deeply
Passionate
And unexpectedly
blessed by the full rainbow
in awe
The sky is colors and lights strangely
Intermixed into such glorious pattern
Of day and night and dawn
peering through and embracing each other
Gratitude is all I have
To breath another breath
To see this world alive

Hello again
Without sense or meaning
Or good intention
Just out of hope
For confusing enough
Entanglement of ideas
That lead right to where
We started unintentionally
And proceed out if desire
To waste precious time
On something
That chose to be
Unworthy

Let the peace of mind be your valentine

Wisdom has no race
Intellect has no limitation
Let curiosity reach for deeper
Insight
See adventure in expanding
Your universe
See through millions of eyes
And understand with
Myriads of minds
At the core of humanity
All is familiar
You are infinite when you
Belong

Endless fight
What comfortable tension
I know your buttons
You produce exciting reactions
A child of war
Peace is only a word
Sinonimous with non existence
White dove that ate the olive branch
Too hungry for heavenly symbols
Indifference is the only
Impalpable flavor

Did I hear the f word
Slip off your lips?
Oh no honey
Don't kid yourself
I stand firmly on this
Ground of mine
And see clearly who f is and is not
You got no gene or strength
To do all those boring
Silly things
Hold care be loyal be reliable
You grasp meaning in those...
Rattle in the wind
The f you are for no one  
When you aren't F for yourself
So here I am
Holding on to the truth
And an honest promise
Calling us partners in
Heavy knowledge
My shoulder is here
For you
For the sake of
Humanity
No sentiments
I will rely on you
When desperate to fall
Face down into a puddle of mud

Clouded delusion of
Axis grandiose
Round and round spinning
Eternity and all there is
Is what this speck of a body
Feels inside the endless universe
One perspective and the totality
Overwhelmingly insignificant
And dangerously vital
Looking from the inside out
To find reflection
Of its tiny authority
Seeing only the pieces that
Resemble all familiar
From the inside in
All else is ******* and boredom
From me to myself
Possessed by none but
Sensation of my existence
Divorced from divine tinkling
Of perfection that could never
Fit in my grip until I finally
Learn to let go
To look from the outside in
And accept the beauty of the
Sand grain's imperfections
And with all my being
Give warmth to feel connected
We are but grains of sand
So let's lay here under the light
Of exploding suns
Feel the life as it flows through our veins
And simply be a good company

With swollen knuckles
That pain my eyes
You grip at the handle of a door
That melts into your hand like hope
Sinking beneath the layers of failed
Attempts to release the light kept
Deep inside you fail and fail and
Fail again to stand and wish
To look outside your prison mind
And trust one thing
That heaven sent mystery
And you fall and fail, fail and fall
You hope like a daydream
Like a tattoo of unfulfillable promise
Like your mother says she's staying
But you know she's only wishing you'd stop crying
Never a heart beating truth
Your hope is such
A cocktail of futility and fireworks
Explosions dangerous so back off your
Mortal vessels a monster's here
So please do be afraid
And if the spark of heaven told you
The reflection is an illusion
And you sense the truth
Of a shattered mirror mind
And sense the purpose
In the undying image
Burned inside your eyelids
I'll run away for good
I'm good at running
For better days when wounds would heal
And world would change
And people take the turns
Hopping on converters clearly defined
Perfection and garbage
Package themselves and seal their limits
With inspected labels of satisfaction guaranteed
Ambiguity doesn't threaten my
Scared limitations
I'll promise you the world and hell
Wrapped together with one ribbon
If you promise me the way I like it
Perversely so the wind carries me faster
In the direction away and gone

This subtle scent
When I press my nose against
The top of your head
It fills me with such joy
And strength
And fearlessness
To sacrifice anything there is
To me or my life
For the sake of your smile
Nothing that touches you
Even the idea of you
With hate
Can ever be part of my life

It's been a long long time
Pride and Weakness
Closer that siamese sisters
Moving down the path into nowhere
Calling each other names
To keep the distance
Afraid to inhale each other's disease
One so humane it is melting
Into a sappy puddle so sticky
And vile and yet so touching
So understandibly sincere
Calling for strength to
Take away the void of eternal
Loneliness
Crawling along with its hand
Turned to the sky
Hoping the godly arm
Will prostrate through the clouds
And carry the weight of its
Sorrowful existence

The other proud it needs
No companion no hand and no
Conversation unless it has
Something to say to keep the world
Revolving silly pride
Its bones so stiff it could
Hardly bend down to smell
The flowers Senses so dead
It could feel no drops of rain
Nor warmth of light
Little did she know
She was only a speck
Waiting to fall to the core through
The cracks of an earthquake
She was in love with death
And the promise to prove
That eternal life wasn't a fantasy
She was the goddess itself
Or so she wished
Wished so hard she did believe
As it marched along in solitude
Yet weakness was all it could think

Split pieces of a puzzle
They walked into darkness
Away from the light.
Yet if only they held their hands
And realized they were but
Mirror reflections of each other
Their essence would merge
Into art most exquisite
Soaked in light
They would become
Strength and Kindness

Be cautious when delving into the bottomless abyss of the unknown
Of the ever unpredictable oceanic being
The dolphin you love dearly will not save you from a shark
And who are you to say the ocean must change
So you may immerse your life into its
Force of nature complexity
It's wisdom and destructive power are inseparable
And be you a marine biologist fascinated by the depths of the oceanic complexity
Or a child drawn by the colors of the coral reefs
Or a fisherman seeking sustenance to his spirit
Or a mermaid from Starbucks at Port Authority
Or a witch particularly evil when interlocking fingers with two main sources of her livelihood
All the same the ocean will not adopt
To your capacities to withhold it
So shall you dive?
Even if you hear its echo in the back of your mind
From the moment you open your eyes
To the last waking thought

The dwelling place
Simply dark and uncomfortable
Yet shamefully well fed
And thoroughly misunderstood
Exactly like the inside of your
Mind way back when
Little chatterboxes with pink ribbons
Like iridescent peageons
Scattered around pecking at some
Laughable nonsense and you too
Perched next to them
Holding your breath
Tight enough to resist the gravity
Lifting yourself up by the
Corners of your mouth
Chirping along whateversomething it is
Insignificance of it.                              
Sprinkling the glitter
Over the gaping hole
As a matter of I don’t know why.
Not much food for the thought
Just a feeling of suffocation.
Wash it down wih despair
Down into the innermost
Of that empty drain
Now THAT feels like home
Suffering for the lack of misery
Or some
Miserable luck
That was named a fortune
Without a smile

There is darkness and death in your eyes
What have you got buried inside
The shallow grave in your soul
The ghosts there have taken control
You really should have dug a little deeper there
Body parts are starting to appear and scare
The child inside away

Each tear that flows down your face
Trickles then picks up the pace
And turns to a river inside
A river that will not subside
I can hear that dreadful overflowing sound
And watching from afar I see a child is drowned
The child inside your heart

I can see you drifting away
Heading for the light
I can see you drifting away
Every night

Why were you always inside
On days when the weather was fine
And while we were running around
You were nowhere to be found
You know you should have taken all your dolls to bed
But you were made to play games with your soul instead
The child inside you died

You may spill your secrets
Like the beads of the amulet necklace
And I pick them up submitting to what I know
Is purpose since before the dawn of separateness
I am a gypsy, the healer,
I see beyond what you know
Beyond rational I feel with precision
The gift of insight from beyond
The power that spills over
I am yet to learn how to hold
It's reigns
Of my own eyes that strike and scare
As a judgement you would write above
Your own grave
You are a lost soul
Who seek answers in me
I get lost under this projected weight
But at the bottom of your eyes I find the answer
To my purpose and I know your essence
Better than I know mine - the tormenting question mark of it
And I can only find peace if I give you
What universe wants to give
So free the illusion I am not here to romance
But to serve my purpose
Which I doubt but cannot deny
And until it is fulfilled
I am filled to the brim
With unknown

Spectrum out your rainbow
Honey you aren't all bitter
Bittersweet is life they say,
I'd say sour too like a half-squeezed
Rotting lemon and yet
There is a flavor to it
And on a good day it all tastes
Like a crisp watermelon
Sweet and delightfully juicy
Mixed with some salty self-acceptance
And sheer spice of crossing the rules
Non of this fits into a word
Only those dreading are resentful
Fearful asked to simplify
Contain the world into
A plastic TV box - lets play
Pretend we saw everything there was
Like it isn't what they fed us
So we can sit in this miniscule puddle of an ocean
Disappointed that life is getting boring
Sending love notes someone else wrote
To petty universe
Dreadful changes, get away!

Agitation twisting thought pressing
Inside my temples swirling pain
Of uncertainty something to endure
Overcome without giving in to the doubt
I need a reliable honest shoulder
Lost my objectivity somewhere on the way
Reality feels boggy and the hearing dulled
To the call I heard some time ago
Doubt everything: you, me, truth, air, purpose
Simultaneous wish to fall apart into pieces
And to run in the direction felt as ultimate
Fluidity of perspective is the only truth
Mainstream thought is an enemy
My mind perceives as mystery, can't see it
Feel it, need it, respect it
Yet living in seclusion is my greatest fear
I see everyone around me
Yet so confused inside myself

In a momentary haze your mind spins
It droops and falls helpless into a vortex of
Smallness insignificant cold uncaring lonely
Smallness of the day when everything big
Either hurt, or used or didn't bother
It knocks the air out of your lungs that suddenly
Have no cause for breathing for why waste the
Precious oxygen? Yet you inhale in quick desperate gulps
And the ground slips from under your feet
It's all pointless - to save yourself, to seek help, to go on
Too small too emptied and filthy with their intentions
In tension with the needs needs needs...
The hopes that you found suitable for fire setting  
Pointless naive stupid hopes
So hatable you demolish them at once
Into waste under worthless sign
Forget the pain whatever it takes
It left you with blisters and hanging shoulders
With your chin tucked underneath your
Self-worth and you are not walking you are
Dragging yourself along the path
In the direction of pointless consumerism
And fame fame fame is all you wish, its all you hear
It's all you know of care because it's all that keeps them around
Them the faceless the soulless manikins that
Seem to have something you don't
Those hatable bodies that fill up the space
Around your black hole
And you fall and you fall and you fall
And all the things you have don't make you happy
And praise or kindness makes you paranoid
And you take all these little tablets of oblivion
Together in one gulp to forget
Just how far you still are from where you
Wish... if only you could wish to be

It will all make sense in the end
The turmoil the lack of control
The gifts bestowed and blindness to light
The need to dive into a deeper understanding
And lifetime drowning in questions
Desdain for perfection and possession by it
The words like a broken thread of beads
Now scattered out of my grip
And precision of what needs to be said
Kindness that brings tears and malice
Answered with a smile
It will all tie together in a tight knot
Into the last breath that will only be that
A breath and a memory

Forgiveness unfelt
Like a snake stuck in your throat
Forever to squirm where you feel it
Looking into the eyes of an iceberg
Desperate to humanize her but
Deep down I find no faith
I cannot feel that golden grain
In the pit of her stomach
I do not sense the gentle pull of
Fragile humanity solty sweat
Too cold
To get naked soled in front of this
Shell limited by self-protection
Yet I feel her deeply so I can't even hate

I dream of falling without fear
Off the cliff of safety
Into the clouds of possibilities
That cover the bottom of this
Mysterious darkness
And on the way
I learn to dare and at last hear
True sound of my voice
Certain as never before
I'm alive indeed
To scream of that which
Never left the prison
Of my mind
Embracing those who hear
With open power
Gift to those who stayed behind
Not calculate my steps
Not count my words
To be squarely in the middle
Of that which I cannot feel
Do not belive
I recognize
The voice of truth
When tears hurt my eyes
When urgency to run or grasp
Overwhelms me out of my frozen casket
Not like anyone else
I breathe and see and feel
Presence of those
Who make my soul vibrate
With deepest notes
Worth all the darkness
All sadness
I ever knew
To feel so deeply
No reason can comprehend
But unavoidably I recognize
My destiny on the way to the bottom
When my body
Will breathe no more
But in the last second of my flight
I knew I lived
And loved as hard as I had strength to give
Of myself, inside out

You say trust is paper thin
Rice paper fragility
Can not withstand the nature.
Perhaps, not a single soul knows better
How much wind yours can withhold
Not suited for a desperate grip
But would do well for a masterpiece.
I find faith at the bottom of vulnerability
Decision to live on with fears of failure
I expose vulnerability to the sun
I take off the mask and let the skinless
Breathe... freak out the type A manekens
Fallible oh so human so imperfect
Yet I take pride in being friends with truth
This road is desolate but it FEELS....
I am suspicious too, ready to catch
Another on mixing some BS into the storyline
I'd rather take on heartless than too weak to see
Immaculate pretence I find it hard not to spit on.
SO if you could share one truth
That in your mind raised no doubt
Be it the truth of a destined psychopath
Or fallen martyr
If today was the last day to live
Would you share your truth with me?

Intention underneath the did
Can you feel it's pattern?
It's push reminding of betrayal
It's pull begging for existence
It's yearning to trust and begging for
Solitude - quiet, unperturbed
Maddening
With bravery to fall into abyss of the unknown
To find a piece of you in hands
Whose next move will always be a question
Connection calling faith
To dance the tango
The passionate move of dangerous feeling
Trust is dangerous
Feeling is dangerous
Life is dangerous
Death is safe
It is permanent and predictable
Joylessly
Like its little sister routine
Yet we can find snapshots of joy
In the most predictable of our days
While sharing it embrace another soul