I've tried to tell you at least 1000 times
But the words were too scared to come out
Or the right words didn't exist
In the language I've spoken my whole life
And were I to try another language
They might make more sense
You need to know - it's vital
Both emotionally & physically
And you probably already do
But your mind struggles to process
The immensity of what should have been done
 so long ago
But now seems too late to reverse..

So there I've said it.. Do you understand?
Oh, there I go again. I've said so much &
Tried so hard, but the words won't come out
I'll try again soon, hopefully
Before it's too late....

one day
i hope to meet someone
who makes me write the way you did
-but better-
no one else has gotten the words out
and i can feel them stuck inside
i want them out

Look,
one day,
it’s all
going to happen
to you.

You’ll wake up one morning
and skin your knee
for the
very first time.

You’ll jump
into your best friend’s
pool
in the middle
of winter
just to feel the
cold.

You’ll fall asleep
drunk
in someone’s
backyard
on cheap *****
that sticks
to your fingers
like pancake syrup,
and burns
like the hell
you’ll feel
the first time
you realize
he doesn’t love you
back.

Your life
will be full
of
laughter
and
heartache
and
temper tantrums
from not getting your way
at 5
and age 25.

But baby girl,
if you’re lucky,
and since you’re
your mother’s daughter,
you will be,
your life will be bursting
at the seams
with all the stars
shores
and peanut butter cups
your little body
can hold.

Maybe you’ll
grow up
and save
the world.

Maybe
you’ll slam
your car door
when you leave
and break my
heart.

Or maybe you’ll be
like me,
awake at all hours
writing down words
for someone
who doesn’t yet
exist.

But no matter
which path
you choose,
know that
I’ll always
be at the end of it
waiting for you
with sweets
and bandaids
in hand.

Do I want love?
How can I chase  what I don't see?
How can I give what I've never received?
I want someone who will keep me warm at night, someone who won’t delete my picture when they need distance. I want someone who won't lie to their friends about me, saying I'm not their type when they were calling me last night. Addicted to attention was your intention, playing with my mind, wasting my time, I say I won't fall for you again, but I do. How can I chase what I don't see? How can I love someone who doesn't love me?

There lying amongst the sea of red
a single poppy detached, lone
it lies where others bled
fallen, never to return home.
We remember the brave
the fallen heroes, their strength
and courage which they gave
and they went to some length.
We shall never forget, we shall never forget
that single fallen flower bows to their grave
we shall always remember them
and the courage which they gave.

5 year old me
thought it was
sharing things with people
crying with them

12 year old me
thought it was
holding hands
the term "boyfriend"

15 year old me
thought it was
kissing
touching

18 year old me
now understands
love comes in many different forms
sometimes in words
sometimes in expressions
sometimes in staying
and sometimes in leaving.

Sleeping in your bed, next to you
For the first time
Is far more intimate than I'd like to admit
But the bobby pins on your window sill
Remind me that you are not mine
I am nothing more than a warm body
To slide into when you get bored
constantly reminding myself I am
Good enough, that your indifference
Is reason enough to walk away
But I don't walk away, I follow
The familiar path to your front door
And in a tangle of legs and sheets
I come undone