A slow fall,
A skydiver
Without a parachute.
A straight plunge,
A meteorite
Crashing to the ground
Engulfed in flames.
What will it be,
This time around?
Will it drag me down slowly,
And force me to watch
My own self destruction?
Will it grab on
And force me down
In a moment
That’s faster than a blink?
So abrupt,
That it takes me a moment
To understand
Exactly what happened
When I wake up
Surrounded by the wreckage?

I’ve been here before.
I know how this story ends.
I know you will destroy me
And I know
How pointless it is
To try and fight.
I am powerless
In the face
Of my own emotions.
They are a poison
That is slowing killing me
From within.
They leave me sprawled out,
Feeling paralyzed and numb.
The only hope I have
Is maybe you
Will **** me fast
Instead of drawing out
My inevitable demise.

I thought your heart
Still beat in time with mine
But the last rose
From the bouquet you gave me
Was wilted and dying.
I ignored the signs.
I ignored the sound
Of your heart
Finding a new rhythm —
It’s own rhythm.
Our story is over.
The song has elapsed,
The curtain has fallen,
The book has been closed
And you are gone.
Moved on.
Intrigued by something —
By someone —
New.
Now I’m alone
And I feel
...nothing.

I haven’t slept
Because I keep having dreams
Of people I’d rather not see.
So here I am
At 2AM,
Completely exhausted,
And scared
Of the one thing
That used to comfort me.

The room spins
And my head feels
Disconnected.
I’m falling to the ground,
Through the ground.
My world shatters around me
And I watch
As the pieces of me
Drift too close to the sun
And burn.
Like Icarus with his wings,
They melt away into nothing
And I’m left falling.
I have nothing to hold onto
And no ground to keep me steady.
All I can do is fall.
Fall into nothingness
And be swallowed whole
By the void.

Have kindness
And confidence.
Don’t forget to smile,
Laugh,
And have fun.
And remember
To always be happy
Even if
You’re not
Because everyone you love
Is depending
On you.

My past seems
Inescapable.
I promised myself
Once I was finished
I would get out.
I would run
And not stop
Running
Until I was so far away
All I could see
In my rear view
Was dust.
And mountains,
I have always wanted
Mountains.
Mountains that
I could climb
And have climbed.
Mountains that
I could escape to
And hide away in.
I promised myself
That I would leave behind
Everything that
I hated
And all those
People
Who mocked me
And laughed at me.
All those people
That made me want
To escape.
But here I am
Years later
And it all seems so
Trapping.
Because
Mixed within
All those things
That tore me apart
And left me bleeding
And all those people
Who sent me sprawling
To the ground
And desperately seeking
A place to hideaway
Are things I love
And people I care for.
The place I called home
And precious memories.
Those who are my friends
And the ones I chose as my family.
They’re all intertwined
With the place
That terrified me.
The place that still
Haunts my dreams
And keeps me awake at night.
The place
And the people
That traumatized me
And damaged me.
But all I want to do
Is start over.
As someone new
In a new place
Surrounded by new people
And new things.
People who haven’t
Taken a knife
To my back
And things that haven’t
Killed who I am.
All I want
Is to escape
From who
And where
I used to be
And still am -
Trapped.
So I’m ripped
In two
By what I what
And my heart
That still has roots
Planted so deep
In my inescapable
Past.