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8.8k · Feb 2019
Control
kmr Feb 2019
My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.
Yesterday, April 8th, was my birthday. I wrote this poem two years ago, when I was 19 almost 20, and on my 22nd birthday I find that the website selected it as a daily and I have all these wonderful people saying wonderful things about my poetry. Thank you Hello Poetry, and thank you everyone else. This was the best birthday present I could have even gotten. (04/09/2021)
873 · Feb 2019
Brother
kmr Feb 2019
— brother —

I am normally a logical person.
I find comfort in explanations
And reasons.
But my mind and my thoughts,
They are not logical.
They are all,
Emotional.
So when you attempt
To belittle them -
With your facts and opinions,
Acting as if I should just
Restructure my mind
In under a second -
You belittle me.
Because I am my thoughts,
And my thoughts are me.
841 · Apr 2019
My Daily Reminders
kmr Apr 2019
Have kindness
And confidence.
Don’t forget to smile,
Laugh,
And have fun.
And remember
To always be happy
Even if
You’re not
Because everyone you love
Is depending
On you.
721 · Dec 2018
Crush
kmr Dec 2018
What makes you smile,
What makes you laugh,
What makes you cry?
What keeps you awake
At 3 AM
When the world around you
Is asleep
But something is squeezing your heart
And eating at your nerves,
What is it?

I barely know you.
I don’t even know
Your favorite color
Or your middle name.
I know you always look
Lost in thought
And that you don’t smile a lot
When you’re alone.
I do know,
You love math
And you wear blue frequently.
I know where you’re from
But where do you want to go?
What are your dreams,
What are you plans,
What are your sisters’ names?

I opened my heart to you
Without meaning to.
Now you occupy my thoughts
Day and night
And I doubt
I ever cross your mind.
I doubt
You ever really saw me.
I was just some girl
Who needed help
And it was your job
To help.
I was just another person
Whom you tutored.
I am just another face
That got lost in the crowd.
Another name
That means nothing
To you.

I don’t know you
And you don’t know me
So why do I feel like
I have fallen
So deeply?
I have a habit
Of falling in love
A little too easily
But this was too hard,
Too much,
And too fast.
These feelings
That I have for you,
They frighten me
And I have no idea
What to do.
I might not see you again
But I still want to know
What makes you smile
And what makes you laugh
And what keeps you awake
At 3 AM.
679 · Jan 2019
The Day After That
kmr Jan 2019
I sit on the rooftop
Not two feet away from the edge.
Not two feet away from a release
So sweet
I can taste candy
On my tongue.
From the Siren’s song
Playing in my head
So clearly
That I hum along.
I feel temptation’s kiss
On my lips –
So soft
Softer than any man before.
But even as I look down
At the concrete and grass below
That beckons me closer
Into their warm embrace –
I turn away.
Because the unknown
After that leap
Terrifies me more
Than tomorrow
Or the day after that.
This may be a little triggering for some people, I appologize if it is.
562 · Dec 2020
Maps
kmr Dec 2020
I see maps
And roadways
In everything.
In the scars
And all the marks
Upon my skin.
In the veins on my arms,
In the lines on my palms,
And in my eyes
When I stare into a mirror.
But these paths,
Where do they all lead?
Where is it  
I am meant to go?
Where is it
I am meant to be?
516 · Oct 2020
Dust to Poisoned Dust
kmr Oct 2020
I woke
From a fitful sleep
Where I dreamt
You had died.
You took your final sip of poison
And with its glisten
Still on your lips
You told me that you’d be ok.
But your next breath,
It never came.
You disappeared
Right in front of me.
You sank into the ground,
Swallowed whole by the earth.
You returned to dust
That clouded my path
And I no longer knew
Which way to go.
419 · Feb 2019
Destroyer
kmr Feb 2019
The petals drift
And lay down
Gently
Beside my feet
And my tears -
That are crashing,
Violently,
To the ground.

The steps you take
Away from me
Are an echo
Of my heartbeat.
Your footsteps fade
And with you
Goes my heart.

Leaving me broken
And empty.
Leaving me as only a husk
Of the person
I used to be
Before I loved you.
And before my love
For you
Destroyed me.
396 · Aug 2019
Betrayal
kmr Aug 2019
I haven’t slept
Because I keep having dreams
Of people I’d rather not see.
So here I am
At 2AM,
Completely exhausted,
And scared
Of the one thing
That used to comfort me.
359 · Dec 2018
Chilled
kmr Dec 2018
The wind bites through my clothing
Regardless of the amount of layers
I wear.
I feel the chill on my skin
And on my bones.
I feel the chill
On my soul,
Numbing my core
But not enough.
My body might lay stiff
And frozen
But my mind-
My mind runs a marathon
Panting and heaving
Going for gold.
The tears freeze to my ducts
And my screams.
My screams are hollow
And empty.
348 · Dec 2018
Drowning
kmr Dec 2018
I don't know
How to swim.
But I do know
How to drown.
295 · Mar 2020
I’m Here
kmr Mar 2020
I’m standing here
Naked and bare
To you
And to the world.
I haven’t been ready.
I’ve been dancing in meadows
With my eyes shut tight
And covering myself
In hand-me-down clothes.
But I’m not dancing anymore.
I’ve shed the scraps
Of ripped up cloth
And my skin
Along with them.
My eyes are open.
I’m listening now.
I’m ready to see
What you have
To show me.
I’m ready to hear
What you have
To tell me.
255 · Mar 2019
The Linguistics Major
kmr Mar 2019
You're like watching the sun
Rise again,
Painting the sky in beautiful hues
Of red and gold,
Reminding me there's hope
For a beauty in a dark world.
You're a new blanket,
Soft and warm,
That wraps around me
Like a hug
From the a person I love.
You're the smell of cinnamon
During the holidays
That brings me home.
You're the taste of refreshing mint
That dulls my senses
And calms my nerves.
You're the sound of rain
That lulls me to sleep
Like a baby
And a mother's song.
You're a new smile
And a new laugh.
You're a new breath,
A new day,
A new dream,
And a new hope.
231 · Apr 2019
Falling
kmr Apr 2019
The room spins
And my head feels
Disconnected.
I’m falling to the ground,
Through the ground.
My world shatters around me
And I watch
As the pieces of me
Drift too close to the sun
And burn.
Like Icarus with his wings,
They melt away into nothing
And I’m left falling.
I have nothing to hold onto
And no ground to keep me steady.
All I can do is fall.
Fall into nothingness
And be swallowed whole
By the void.
190 · Jan 2020
— my depression —
kmr Jan 2020
A slow fall,
A skydiver
Without a parachute.
A straight plunge,
A meteorite
Crashing to the ground
Engulfed in flames.
What will it be,
This time around?
Will it drag me down slowly,
And force me to watch
My own self destruction?
Will it grab on
And force me down
In a moment
That’s faster than a blink?
So abrupt,
That it takes me a moment
To understand
Exactly what happened
When I wake up
Surrounded by the wreckage?
This is a re-upload of an old poem. I'm going back through and fixing my poems. Rewording them, fixing spelling and wording mistakes, etc. It's been maybe a year and a half since I stumbled upon this website and my writing has already changed so much.
183 · Aug 2019
The End
kmr Aug 2019
I thought your heart
Still beat in time with mine
But the last rose
From the bouquet you gave me
Was wilted and dying.
I ignored the signs.
I ignored the sound
Of your heart
Finding a new rhythm —
It’s own rhythm.
Our story is over.
The song has elapsed,
The curtain has fallen,
The book has been closed
And you are gone.
Moved on.
Intrigued by something —
By someone —
New.
Now I’m alone
And I feel
...nothing.
This was poem number two of a two-part poem thing but I decided only to put up one. Both would be an over ****.
179 · Dec 2018
Sad Kids Club
kmr Dec 2018
We're big city souls
Stranded in a small town.
We're surrounded
By those that
Don't understand
Or try to understand
Who we are.

We find solace
In music
And long drives
In the dead of night
Feeling like we could
Run away
If we wanted.

We're all waiting.
Waiting for the day
When freedom is
A possibility
So we can spread our wings
And find
A place to belong.
176 · Apr 2019
Inescapable
kmr Apr 2019
My past seems
Inescapable.
I promised myself
Once I was finished
I would get out.
I would run
And not stop
Running
Until I was so far away
All I could see
In my rear view
Was dust.
And mountains,
I have always wanted
Mountains.
Mountains that
I could climb
And have climbed.
Mountains that
I could escape to
And hide away in.
I promised myself
That I would leave behind
Everything that
I hated
And all those
People
Who mocked me
And laughed at me.
All those people
That made me want
To escape.
But here I am
Years later
And it all seems so
Trapping.
Because
Mixed within
All those things
That tore me apart
And left me bleeding
And all those people
Who sent me sprawling
To the ground
And desperately seeking
A place to hideaway
Are things I love
And people I care for.
The place I called home
And precious memories.
Those who are my friends
And the ones I chose as my family.
They’re all intertwined
With the place
That terrified me.
The place that still
Haunts my dreams
And keeps me awake at night.
The place
And the people
That traumatized me
And damaged me.
But all I want to do
Is start over.
As someone new
In a new place
Surrounded by new people
And new things.
People who haven’t
Taken a knife
To my back
And things that haven’t
Killed who I am.
All I want
Is to escape
From who
And where
I used to be
And still am -
Trapped.
So I’m ripped
In two
By what I what
And my heart
That still has roots
Planted so deep
In my inescapable
Past.
170 · Dec 2019
Falling in Love
kmr Dec 2019
I’ve been here before.
I know how this story ends.
I know you will destroy me
And I know
How pointless it is
To try and fight.
I am powerless
In the face
Of my own emotions.
They are a poison
That is slowing killing me
From within.
They leave me sprawled out,
Feeling paralyzed and numb.
The only hope I have
Is maybe you
Will **** me fast
Instead of drawing out
My inevitable demise.
158 · Apr 2020
Backspace
kmr Apr 2020
I don’t know how
To make my mistakes
Into something beautiful.
I only see them
As ugly scars
That mark my skin,
Like a roadmap
Of all my failures.
I’m all or nothing
And it’s dangerous.
If something’s wrong
I want to change it all
Not just the one thing.
I want to light a match
Burn the world to the ground
And start again.
A new canvas,
With freshly poured paint.
I destroy works of art
With a simple press of a key
Then I lose all hope
And abandon the idea all together.
Leaving it to shrivel
And die.
This is what I’m good at.
141 · Apr 9
Sleep
kmr Apr 9
My mind descends
Into the whirlwind of mania
Enslaving me to its whims.
No matter how drained
My spirit may be
I cannot seek rest
For it is a stranger to me.
I’ve been tired for hours,
Maybe even years.
But even if I lay like a corpse,
Still and silent,
Barely even breathing,
I remain awake.
No matter how heavy
My eyelids become
Or how sluggish
My thoughts are,
Sleep
Seems to always evade me.
141 · Dec 2018
My Drug
kmr Dec 2018
I put on a brave face
And smile.
I tell the world
We will never happen again.
I laugh
About the idea of us
Together again.
I say no,
No more.
But I know
If you said the right words
And gave me that smile -
The one you used to give me
Where your eyes
Sparkled like stars
And I could see your love for me
In the wrinkles beside your eyes -
I know
My heart would bend
Until it breaks
And all of my feelings for you
Would come gushing forth
Like water freed
From a broken dam.
I know
If you said to me,
I love you,
I would say it back.
I would close my eyes
To all the pain
You have caused me
And I would go off
Blissfully
Into the night
With my arm,
In your arm
And my heart
In your hands
Ready to be broke
Once again.
134 · Dec 2018
9/4/14
kmr Dec 2018
I'm sitting in front of my house
In my dad's car
Playing sad music
Through the stereo
And crying
Because of you.
Because I love you
And I know
You don't love me too.
This is reminiscent
Of the summer before our senior year.
When I was doing the same thing
For the same reasons
Except now
We're older
And you're not mine.
I thought that I'd be happy
If you moved on
And accepted life
Without me
But I am not happy.
My heart is breaking
Because you don't love me
But I still do
Love you.
131 · Apr 11
Hurt
kmr Apr 11
My head bobs above water
For just a moment
And I gasp for air.
Every lungful is a second
I don’t think of you.
But then a current
Pushes me back under
And you wrap me back up
Into your chilling hold
And draw me to the ocean floor.
You know I can’t swim.
You know I’m afraid
Of what’s under
These deep blue waves.
So why do you persist?
Why do you anchor me
To one of my greatest fears?
The only answer I can reason with
Is that you want to see me hurt
Like you said,
I hurt you.
114 · Jan 2019
Power
kmr Jan 2019
After all these years
Your words
Still mean so much to me.
I seek your approval
Above all others.
And when you laugh
At me,
And when you
Disregard me,
And when you
Mock me -
It kills me.
I hate that you
Still mean so much to me.
I hate that I
Still care for you.
I hate that you
Still don't see me.
I hate that you
Have such power
Over me.
But most of all,
I hate that I
Have given you
This power.


I wish I knew
How to take it back.
106 · Dec 2018
Outspoken
kmr Dec 2018
I have so many things to say.
So many things I want to say,
So many things I need to say.
But when I try to say them,
All the things come out at once
And it just doesn’t make sense.
Nothing makes sense.
Not even to me
And they’re my thoughts.
They’re my words –
My attempted words –
And they don’t even make sense to me.
So how do I say
What I need to say
When I don’t even know
What it is
That I need to say?

— The End —