I cradle your affection
In the palm of my hand
Like a seed so small
That if I am not careful
I might just lose it

Before I could release your air from my lungs
You suffocated me
And took my life support

3-25-2019

She whispers a truth
Into the silent air
Past the raging mountains
Through the badger's hole
Around the Redwood trees
To the not-yet-hatched birds
Under the bustling city
Until this truth has penetrated
Every crevice of this earth
And with one breath
She utters the words
"I am alive."

It was one breath
One step
One long free fall
Back to Earth
But I feel alive again

Words and gifts acknowledged
But never received

Broken words left at doorsteps
Of broken homes

Fathers absent for years
Showing up at Christmas dinner

A lump in the throat
In the middle of a fight

Adoption papers left unsigned
At an empty work desk

A broken plate
Hidden under a bed

The memories of a child
Deep within their head



8/11/2020

You almost got the promotion
Like you almost finished your education

You almost made it to the finish line
When you almost broke your leg

You almost got married
Like you almost got pregnant

You almost used the knife
Like you almost told your therapist

But ***** "almosts"
Because they never got anyone
Anywhere



8/11/2020

He knocks
                                                          ­                                        She is hesitant
He hums a melody
                                                          ­    She peers through the hole to look
He smiles
                                                          ­                                               She smiles
He tilts his head like a puppy
                                                           ­                                             She laughs
He stands calmly
                                                          ­                     She creeks open the door
He holds out his palms
                                                           ­                          She sees they are bare
He looks at her
                                                             ­                                 She looks at him
He allows her the time she needs
                                                           ­                              She is grateful for it
He waits patiently
                                                       ­                                           She is nervous
He says nothing
                                                         ­                                         She is shaking
He sheds a tear
                                                            ­                                         She is crying
He knows exactly why
                                                             ­                              She shuts the door
He waits outside like the loyal puppy he is
                                                              ­     She leaves a rose while he sleeps

For even though her chamber had been violated before
By hands tainted with lust
This new loyal companion never forces
Never asks
Only respects
And waits patiently
Outside the doors to her sacred chamber

Even if she never opened the door
He would wait outside for an eternity
Because he loves her
With an undying loyalty

I wonder what really makes a man?
Is it the blueprint or his plan?
Will he be judged by his deed?
Or by the child he ministered to in need?
Irregardless of the wealth or the fame
A man shall always be known by his family name
Like a stalwart tree against the gale
He stands strong, never to fail



09/25/2020

O' Costa Vida
That the heavens might ring
For glorious is thine corporate name
The sauce which you so delicately craft
Flows through my veins
And the sweet pork
Oh, the sweet pork
With one bite I am enslaved
As the taste bursts within my mouth
With the strength
Of Zeus' great lightning bolt
The inhabitants of the land Utah
Praise thee all the day
And may thy glory reign
Forever and ever
Amen

1-10-2019

At the threshold
   Between calamity
      And perfect harmony
         You and I walk
      On ropes too tight
   And heights too great
To make a mistake

Beauty carved
Like a marble statue
A silhouette
Formed by the sun

7-28-2019

A lump in the throat
And a winter night without a coat

Language of the heart
And a raging storm about to start

Words begin to form
And a storm that leaves me without warmth

So I freeze instead
Caught on the articulation of a word
And a tempest blazing inside me
And I do not speak



8/13/2020

(Read from top to bottom and vice versa ~ a reverse poem)

It's the End
I don't know what to think
The unknown fears that lie
Beyond that chasm
I jump
To something more hopeful
Something worth living for
The Middle
The great bridge
I enter
Upon a grove of trees
With light glittering through the leaves
It's serene
Beautiful
Here in these strange woods
I have found
The Beginning

When did I start worrying about
What to be
Instead of
Just being?

The train passed by me
Like a leaf in the wind
And pretending to keep to myself
I put in headphones
But they played no music
And just when I couldn't feel
Any more empty than I already did
I catch your eyes
Blue eyes
Too blue
With a hint of gold
And my gaze lingers there
One second too long
But a second worth it
Because he smiles
And there are a hundred and one
Hidden messages in that smile
And I look away
With heat pulsing against my face
Because some boy
With too-blue eyes
And a hint of gold
Made me feel a little less empty
And a little more something

I thought I was
   A calm breeze
      By the seashore
         Instead I became
      A burning flame
   That burned all
In it's way

Hands clasped over your eyes
Wet rivers of red seep down your face
You are covered in the stains of your tears
But I do not care
Not one bit
So I remove your hands from your face
Grab a clean rag
And wipe away the pain
I clean your clothes
And put you in something
Not marred by the stains of your hurt
So when I say that I want to care for you
Hold you
Help you
Know that I mean it

He catches the eye
Only for a linger
And not a stare

But he catches the heart
Like a falling star
You only see once
But it is enough to make you lock the door
And throw away the key

Change the world
Then do it again
Smooth out the curves of the jagged river
Grow trees amongst barren land
Make mountains upon mountains
Then climb it all
And jump to the deepest depths of the ocean
To the very bottom of a lightless land
Then in a moment of hyper speed
Go straight to the sun
Say "Hi"
Then come back to Earth
Back to your bed
And back to your dreams
Wake up
Change the world

3-25-2019

This was always a chess game
This Game
That you and I play
Again
And again
And again
And again
I have the checkmate
Locked in the deepest
Confide of my heart
While you play your queen
From all directions of the board
And with my hands up
I surrender my winning piece

9/18/2019

To the person I will one day love
I know they will say you are my other half
But know that I was complete
Long before you came along
Because I had to ensure
That if you wrecked me
I would be whole enough
To fix myself without you
But although my heart is complete
I would still like you to have a piece of it

There are millions of stars
But we limit ourselves
To only a handful of constellations
To tell the stories
Of the sky

10/30/2019

He was a cosmic catastrophe
In my heavens
An earthquake
On my foundations
I
Opened the door for
Him
Into my universe
And he could see the worlds I carved
And the galaxies I molded
And how every star I created
Lined up perfectly to make a constellation
A story
My stories
It was all
Magnificent
Glorious
Celestial
Sacred
He saw it all
And wrecked it
I let him in
And he violated me,
My universe,
And all of the precious worlds
I held in the palm of my hand
And with every
Fight late at night
Every word left unsaid
Every bruise somewhere new
I could feel the law of gravity
Unwinding itself
The worlds falling out of orbit
Galaxies fading
Stars dying
My universe was in cosmic chaos
Because I didn't realize
I was the brightest star
And he was a black hole

He said he wasn't into crazy girls
Like it was a sorority
But I hate to break it to you darling
I am club president





08/25/2020

When my skin no longer
Prickles at the blow of cool air
Or the butterflies that ignite
Every time I see you
Die
Or when the moon
Has traded places with the stars
Or when my body becomes a casket
For all of your grievances
I hope you know that as all things die
So has our love

They asked me to describe
This feeling
That dominates my very soul
But you see
It's kind of-
Sort of-
It's like the heat waves of-
Some eternal flame
A dove-
That flies just in front of the sun
It's like a slipping rope
That makes you take hold of-
Everything and nothing
It seems to be void of-
Deprived of-
Bereft of-
Logic
Reality
Sensibility
But like the stars above-
It can chart your course
Into unknown terrains
And even as I speak
I fall short of-
This abstruse feeling
Called love

<3
10/30/2019

When I had my first swimming lesson
My instructor told me
I was a feather
Afloat the shallow end of the pool

But this is not a swimming lesson
Nor is there an instructor
I am a heavy weight
Ready to dive into a treacherous sea

You are the sea
The water
And everything in it

I am ready to dive into you
Soul first
I just hope I don't drown

Aboard a raft
   I am tipping
      And turning
         Readjusting
            And then falling once more

It is a delicate game to play
Going down the river
But I enjoy the ride nonetheless

She desires the artist
And the dreamer
But is unwilling to pay the price
Of the dream

10/21/2019

A stolen shirt returned to your bed
Or a text message still left on read

Yelling goodbye from an arched doorway
Or sending gifts although far away

A hushed "I love you" gone all too soon
Or taking hate outside the bedroom

Little efforts
Often broken
Whispered
And a little bit messy
But efforts nonetheless


8/11/2020

My words are broken droplets
That never quite
Penetrate the surface
Matter without substance
Feeling without emotion
I may write my words
But you will never read them
I will speak aloud
But you will never listen

9/25/2019