Was I expendable to you?
You molded me
overused me
and now you've thrown me away.
You think your actions
are merely a ripple
in a pond.
But in reality
you are a storm
in the sea.
You left chaos in your path
and now I'm stuck
cleaning up the mess.

I gave them fickle fables
Far from forging truths
Fair young women
With facades cast over
Their fear-filled eyes
As they realize
There is no fairy tail
For fabricated dreams
No Prince Charming
Will fall for them
It is the princess fallout
That happens to
All folly young women

9/21/2019

My family asks why I keep them at a distance
And I tell them
That every time I open my heart
They shroud it in black dust
From the cruelty of their words
Words from good intentions gone wrong
Wrongful actions
Disguised as "I did this for you."
"And I am your mother."
A mother's love
I know is there
Somewhere
But it just breaks my heart
To know
I have found more safety
In the harbor of a stranger's home
Than in my own family's docks

The tick of the clock
And the thump of the heart
And the chirp of the bird
And the clap of the hand
And the breath of the lungs
And all the things that make me feel
Wrapped up in five senses

You are
Fraud
Phony
False
Fake
Fraudulent
Forged
Feigned
And above all
A folly in my vocabulary

11/1/2019

Like a tragic car crash
On the side of the road
I leave flowers
At the scene of my tragedy
Where shattered remains
Of a broken heart still reside



8/13/2020

Once long ago
You and I were two flowers
Rooted in the same soil
Bonded by a life
Grown from love
And we were inseparable
But one day you
Lead me by my hand
And took me to where
The leaves were the greenest
The trees the tallest
And life most vibrant
And there in the forest of dreams
With a love too ambitious to contain
We planted our own seed
And waited for a new life
That would soon grow from our love
But as fall shed its skin
There was no bud to be found
And praying to Mother Nature
We begged for the seed to take root
But with all life She grants
She can also take
And there in the forest of dreams
Our precious seed did not grow
To be the flower we wanted
But instead laid way
To a soil more fertile and precious soil
And now in the forest of dreams
Where the trees are tallest
And the leaves greenest
There lie upon the soil
Three flowers
Rooted in the same soil
Bonded by a life
Grown from love

After twenty-one years
I have finally learned
That my heart
Does not have to be left as a gift
On the doorstep of another
And I can leave that special gift
At my own front door



8/13/2020

A delicately wrapped package
Was left on the steps of my abode
Waiting for him to come by
As I peeked out my window
But no one came
And the package lay unopened
And untouched




12/23/2020

You started out
As gold
Too beautiful to own
And too golden to stay
That's why
I wanted you anyway

"Good morning,"
He whispers to me
And every morning after that

No one was meant to know
My secret.

Every night with the lights dim,
I indulge in my secret.
Again
And again.

I was an endless void,
Always consuming.

No one was meant to know.
My obsession.
My guilty pleasure.
My obsession with Goldfish(insert copyright symbol)

Happiness they say is
Temporary
Short lived
Awarded
Only for the privileged
Only achieved through impossible means
Well they are lying.

Happiness is my heartbeat
Blood pulsing through my body
Through my soul
And back again--
An endless song
I sing
In the dark
And in the light

Happiness is like fuel
And I am a wildfire
Spreading as far as the sun can reach
And then a little farther
I blaze an unquenchable fire in my path
So the world knows that I was here

I choose to be happy.
And so should you.

Hate
It's such an all encompassing word
And instead of hating the person
Why don't we hate the thing instead
Because hate dehumanizes a person

He does not mend
My fractured heart
But is the life force
Behind every heartbeat

10/23/2019

He is
Collected
He is
Funny
He is
A natural wit
He is
Quirky
He is
Respectful
He is
A gentleman
He is
Engaging
He is
Acknowledging
He is
Spiritual
He is
Smart
He is
Proactive
He is
Responsible
He is
Entertaining
He is
Someone you can stay up until 3 am with
He is
Someone you can have endless laughs with
He is
A boy who has seamlessly walked into my life
And I am incredibly grateful for it

I could never understand
What could force someone
To harm their sacred vessel
To take a knife to their canvas
Painting it the deepest red

But then again
My skies are blue
And theirs is gray
So maybe I don't understand
But I want to try

7/23/2021

Your tears are like rain
In my skies,
But I do not shield myself from the downpour
Because I want to feel every tear shed.
To feel the depths of your sorrow
And with one breath
Relinquish it all into oblivion
Because you wear
Old scars and crooked smiles
But you are magnificent,
An ethereal creature
Worth enough to have my heart.
So take my hand-
And my heart too.
Then maybe your demons
Will learn to fear love

How could I leave someone behind
Who left me empty-handed and blind?

Why would I crawl back to that space
Where hell had its place?

Who would I even call
With the phone hanging on the wall?

What sins did I commit this time
Was it my chastity or speaking out of line?

When do I have that sweet release
As I usher in the age of peace?

Where do I find my relief
When it is with my abuser I sleep?



12/14/2020

Words intended for paper
Are instead ink on her skin
She is decorated in cursive writing
Of painful poems now recorded
Because no matter how much
She tries to forget
The ink serves as a daily reminder
Of a broken heart
With broken words

1-5-2019

I never knew such intimacy
Could be felt in a shared laugh
Or stories shared
Act as glue
Binding our souls
Ever so closer together

For every cent I spent on you
Was not investment
I did not expect to get anything in return
But now I want my money back

You and I
Had everything except
Practicality
Sensibility
Money
And all the things that
Seek to make order
But it only drove us mad

You're standing there
In a fitted navy polo
With a slight smile on your face
And dulled humor
My eyes take a snapshot
And add this photo
To the polaroids lining the wall
Of my mind

It is the last photo I have of you
Before you leave

She dreams in bright places
But lives in the dark
Her life is a blanket of shadow
But at night she always turns on the light

In an age of strong female heroines
Be the small little hobbit
For there is greatness
In simplicity

07/23/2021

There are
Scars
On her
Heart
But she longs for the
Stars
That seem too
Far

It didn't matter if it was with him
Or with another stranger on the street
Love followed her
Everywhere she went
Like an old scent lurking in the air

You and I on a summer's night
With our hands interlaced
It seems like Lover's Fever
But behind loud laughs
And complete adoration
There is a falling of something
So hard and so deep
Could it be love?
And shaking the thought from my head
Because love does not come so easy
I try to tune out the pounding heartbeat
And turn my gaze away
Straight into your eyes
And although the music
Is too loud for words
The look in your eyes says everything

Loving you is more than a penny in a pocket
It is nights intertwined like vines
And the most precious of flowers bloomed
From such a costly love

Loving you is patience prolonged
Past the point of poignancy
And arriving where the sun finally begins to rise
In our storm-tinted horizons

Loving you is thoughts jumbled together
I cannot think thoroughly
This throbbing pain triggers
The most love-obsessed migraine

Loving you is sacrificing
All the things in the world you deemed yours
And becoming familiar with the word ours
Our love
Is worth it

I would fight a thousand wars
Break a hundred walls
And sew together one heart
If it meant loving you

I lie awake in my bed
With eyes blood shot
From a night of tears
And it's in moments like these
Where I wish you were here

They ask me why I ran a marathon
And it's because
I am either running from the darkness
Or towards the light
I do not know

5/11/2020

You once asked me to dance
And it sent me
Spiraling
Whirling
Twisting
Wreathing
And eventually falling

In the darkening light
As the sun makes its descent
You can see two lovers
Setting with the sun
And rising with the moon
Where their love shines brightest
Because while their love
May have been a fiery
And bright passion like the sun
The moonlight captures the royalty
Of their moon-touched love
With all the stars around to bow

Sunlight through the trees
Cherry blossoms in full bloom
He is my meadow





12/16/2020

When you read my poetry
I hope that you can see
How my soul
Slipped through the cracks
As I etched words onto my heart
With my mind formulating the words

My poetry is an embodiment
Of my whole being
So if you would like
To understand me
Then start reading

9/18/2019

I am a diamond
My mother the earth
My father the heat which gave me life
So when I say my worth is more than
Than a one liner
And a shot of beer
Know that I am out of your price range