Never tall enough.
Weight too low.
Brown eyes brown hair.
No blue or green.
No blonde or red.
Face of a child.
Pixie hair as thin as air.
Of legal age mistaken for a sweet sixteen.
Of female gender thought to be a young boy.
Cup size sorry didn't make the C.
Jeans don't go past 0.
"You don't know what it's like to be overweight, you don't what it's like to be judged for not looking perfect."
But I do.
"My God you are so small."
"Cute like a child."
"Excuse the interruption would you like a children's menu?"
"Don't lie how old are you really?"
"Look at your tiny arms!"
"I can wrap my arms around you twice!"
"Men like curvy women"
A daily struggle due to image.
Never looking perfect in people's eyes. Always the little one the ugly one of the group.
Never to be seen as anything more.
Eating too much provocking sickness upon myself simply to gain a pound or two.
Never succeeding.
Simply to make myself a perfect image accepted by society.

Kathia Mariana Landeros

You will be the first and last,
There will never be another.
You will be my Superman,
I will continue to wait.
You will smile at her,
I really shouldn't complain.
A simple text brought the pieces back together,
Took 24 hours before the damage was done again with the pain multiplied.
"I miss you" left such incredible feeling knowing my name had been thought of,
24 hours later my name had to be erased from your thoughts.
True love doesn't keep from desires,
True love enforces them.
If it's someone you miss,
A hug is what you seek.
Never say "I miss you",
If 24 hours will turn to "I'm leaving you."
"Dont worry about it even if I have to go i'll still watch over you, you won't be alone."
Yet walk away in times of agony.
Anger isn't true to me,
I am not angry,
I never will be.
I am merely a fountain,
Tears will flow upon my wishes slowly transforming me from fountain to well.
From fountain to well,
Drowning in my own self pitty.
Never begging for sympathy but always longing your company.
Goodbyes don't sufice,
Hellos won't come by.
The daily trip to an empty mailbox will haunt my existence till death parts me from it.
Letters expected,
None collected.
Smiles anticipated,
None reflected.
Lyrics turned to memories,
Songs become a life story.
In those songs I feel you closer,
In those songs you're here with me.
I must say you are the playlist and the soundtrack to the greatest memories and worst pain to feel.
I am merely a fountain becoming a well,
My tears are for you.
I bid you farewell.

-Kathia Mariana Landeros

Sometimes I sit and wonder,
Does he think of my name?
Does he ever think to send me a message?
A letter perhaps?
Has my existence become of no importance?
Drew a timeline,
Wondering,
Will there ever be a change?
Have my mistakes really brought me this far down?
I'm longing for a time turner.

-Kathia Mariana Landeros

Failed to save us,
Failed to save you twice,
Failed to see you needed me,
Now I need you.

Failed to save him,
Failed to understand him,
Failed to keep him alive,
Now I miss him.

I seem to fail more than win,
I let things happen and now I see,
Feeling guilty for so much,
Failed to save a life.

-Kathia Mariana Landeros

Has been nearly a month
Yet I still can't wrap my head around your absence.
When my mind ran off the tracks you helped me put my thoughts back on the line.
When hope had been lost typed you a question, an honest answer as always you gave me.
"Why the black ribbon?" People will ask.
"He became a close friend I cared for a lot, borderlines crossed a mind took him down, now I sit around not making a sound. From this day on a guilt I cannot control, he's gone up in the sky and I don't know why."
As they will say "What made him go?"
My only reply "he said he'd show him the door..."
There was one more thing, a last thing he spoke and as I shall quote, so you all will know.
He said "May you have yourself a wonderful life, and may that ***** rot in hell."

-Kathia Mariana Landeros

Have a lump in my throat,
Clenching a fist,
Nails on my arm till it's ready to bleed,
Can't stand this dark room,
Lay by myself,
Feeling all eyes on me,
They are watching me bawl,
Horryfied my thoughts attempt to take over,
To my missfortune of course they succeed,
Perched in a corner my nails dig deep,
Scratching my arms with anxiety's face,
Screaming one name with no ears to hear,
Stuck in emotion cover my ears,
Screaming and crying a night spent in fear,
So this my friends is what my nights look like,
Lost in myself no one hears me cry,
Their fingers point at me a laugh and a scream,
Till a day comes by crawling at me,
"I am the murderer here to watch you scream."

-Kathia Mariana Landeros

By the time you make your return,
It will be no surprise if I am gone.
When you finally feel okay with being around,
I won't be around.
If my thoughts pull me deep into the ocean, keep in mind I cannot swim for I will drown in myself.
Forget all the things that were ever said, I am not that girl anymore.
I have been lost you are gone with others to comfort you and I am accompanied yet still a lonesome soul.
I would sing you a lullaby,
But they do it for me.
I would run and hug you, but my presence bring you tears.
How can love bring such inmense pain between two beings.
Your words say there is love in your heart with my name written all over,
But why is this scene still about she who sits alone thinking and hoping he is okay.
This isn't love this is torture.
As stated before,
Don't be surprised if it happens to be too late.
If your thoughts come to order after a last breath has been taken.
A promise to follow you anywhere was made.
A weak point has been reached and I believe it might be best,
To wait for you by the gate with which is ment for us to meet again.

-Kathia Mariana Landeros