I wish you would get deported .
I curse the east European country that produced such a fine specimen of god like features
Coupled with a Zeus complex .
And all the series of unfortunate events that lead you too my small town eyes .
My guts haven't unraveled for days and I have forgotten what eating for enjoyment is as it all turns to ashes in my mouth .
Grief is a my white knuckled steering wheel , uncontrolled sobbing in traffic .
It is "our" dog barking at me to remember to breathe .
It is my mothers kisses on my hands because I cannot turn my head to meet her blue eyes cause they are the same color of yours .
For every cigarette I light I hope you light two
Because I'm drinking this poison but trying to **** you.

I can hear the floor boards whispering my name
It's a soft lament of every sad thought my brains ever created
I give in
I can hear you screaming in the other room
Asking me why I always do this
You're yelling
Telling me we have 90$ to our name so you're gunna go out and buy me something strong that'll make me forget
But with every line I only feel more inclined
To go back to the bathroom
And rest my ear against that linoleum floor
And hear everything sweet they ever said to me right before they left
Because I know it doesn't lie
And I know it'll swallow me whole
And maybe if I do it enough I won't feel so awful
For I'll get used to them loving me then slamming on the breaks and unhinging my seat beat just to watch me fly through the glass and lose sight of myself in the floating ash

it’s 3 am and i’m still awake
i’m watching the video again
can’t believe how long it’s been
and how far away you are
i still dream about you and wishing
that I was there with you tonight
my heart is aching and my eyes
are tearing up once again
i look back on all the memories
with a smile
but tonight all i can do is cry

*(s.m)

some people just do not get it
do they?

they think they can see you clearly
when in reality, you are not a window

you're more of a piece of one-way glass
people think they can see through you
but from the other side
its completely opaque

they say
"Your smile makes others smile!"
when really you're thinking
"My smile is so forced."

its hard
seeing everyone all happy
when you're all sad
they just dont get it

so you laugh it out
you laugh when they do
you smile with them
you put on the best **** act you can

they dont know that youre breaking
they cant see it
its the one-way glass
they dont understand

you might open up to people
but they mainly just leave
some will stay
but its likely theyll leave

so you go to school
or work
or out in public
and you force it

you force your happiness
and your smiles
and everything
and you just laugh it out

laughing makes it seem like
youre perfectly fine
youre okay
but you arent

they just cant see through
the piece of one-way glass
they dont know
they wont know

as long as you laugh it out