Hushed noise,
flowing river.
Hushed lust,
flowing love.

Frozen thoughts,
watered emotions.
Frozen truths,
watered lies.

Dusted iron,
sinking vessel.
Dusted keys,
sinking heart.

I never had a heart, but you exist, so I don't have a choice but to have one.

My mind wanders,
Still, he is in it.
My heart race faster,
His name is shouted
Beat by beat

And just like any other nights
I am missing him, still.
When morning comes,
He is the kind of hope
I wanna steal.

He once kissed me on my forehead,
A kiss that I know won't last.
He once held my waist when he tightly hugged me,
The best feeling yet he loosened me so fast.

Unmutual feelings filled the empty room,
He was staring right into my brown eyes.
T'was a birth of chance yet also a doom,
My heart is in agony and it cries.

I should have never hope for more,
But it was everything I asked before.
Yet, I hold on and I am sorry if I did,
Even though I know it was the kind of love
That the moon will never forbid.

The long wait is over. The big fish is finally in my hands. It is not really something worth for a cry but it isn't also something worth for laughter. It is something that brings peace in my mind, a moment of solitude. That big fish is an acceptance - a reality. The only reality that makes my heart heavy but at the same time, halfhearted.

How can be something brought you silently in pathos and in equal time, brutally in felicity?

I dared to dream about hoping for more. I dared to dream for a bigger picture of us. I dared to dream of having you beside me. I dared to dream for everything for us. But I did not dare to dream for a reality, all I dream was an exaggeration of my own fantasy.

Now, I don't want to know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming that way, cause this reality and pain is enough. Or maybe for now it isn't, but I hope it is.

So then I asked, "why does one's heart beat faster for one but behave normally for the rest?"

I still care too much for a shadow that had once loved me.