Oh, how I **** the minutes before sleeping
These soul-destroying soldiers marching on
Their rhythmic steps - the seconds - leave me weeping
Hopeless for dreams within the echelon

The consequence - their pride, their triumph
Brings me to thoughts abandoned through the day
I close my eyes and try to stop the crying
But memories - their weapons - keep me (a)wake

"My dear, I'm begging you, forgive me
For I am tired of the bitter truth
Please let me rest, defend me from the thinking
Please take the love I've ever given you"

And when the dawn at last has started breaking
The troops have finally retreated then
This newborn day - I know - won't leave me aching
Today
I whisper carefully - "Amen"

It's in the moments
Before I fall asleep
When my body
Isn't real anymore
And my life
Never really happened
It's in those moments
I find you again
But you never stay

You are small
But you will grow
The grass will not always
Look like a forest to you
You will forget to relish the feeling
Of dirt between your toes
Your alarm will go off one morning
And you will make your way to work
And you will crush grass beneath your feet
Absent mindedly
Instead of eyeing it with wonder
And wondering what magic
Placed it there for you to play in
You will mow your lawn, and I'm sure
That you will ***** about it too
You are small, but you will grow
And the grass and I will miss you

I search for the love
I search for the healing
I hurt myself trying to regain feeling
Was I born this way
With the illness and the voices
Or did I ruin myself
With my own thoughtless choices