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John Paul Dec 2014
Shiny Glazed Sadness

Smooth, structured, "put together"
some would say
in order

Under a soft clean exterior and the shimmer of serene plains
Lies
Lies
Lies a lightless Jagged reality.

Hope



Stunted.
Description of a cube shape in mind.
John Paul Dec 2014
Now
The day it began

Aware, of the beginning and of the now
A time that showed potential and of new

A celebration. A celebration. A celebration

Slowly pieces fall, fade, disappear.

Time.

Now is leaving, now is drifting away.
Birthday
  Nov 2014 John Paul
axr
'I am happy.'
'It's her bipolar.'
'I am sad.'
'It's her bipolar.'
'I am scared and confused.'
'It's her bipolar.'
Why..just why
John Paul Nov 2014
White walls and dark light, in corners. Listen closely, listen closely.

Jumping jumping jumping jumping jumping in remembered things.

Listen closely, listen closely.

When feeling low under sky with breezes of sadness

falling from the chin. Listen closely, listen closely.


                                            When Listening is Loud.
  Nov 2014 John Paul
Erenn
The mind has its boundaries
Taking every life to its pasture
You often deny your existence is valid
Drained to flout all the people-
That tried to alleviate your worst outcome
You can’t foresee what’s imminent
Yet your past hinders you to move forward

Motions of the night sky
Appeases you within
The stars glinting like they know you exist
Taking every setback that you had
Full of misery & regret
You fathom what if you didn't live
It doesn't make any difference
To be conceived into eminence or filth

The fear of disappointment escalates
Disappointing your loved ones resents you
You concealed every skin of-
Impetus that espoused
Knowing you could be
Abundantly stronger than this
Yet fluctuation compels you
To cower in distress  

'Why can't I be normal?'
You questioned this in your head everyday
Fragments that made you elated dissipates-
Every time you tried to defeat yourself
Falling again & again

You’re afraid of losing your conscience-
Into the abyss that kept drawing you in
You conjure up notions of ingenuity
Just to rupture it repetitively

*Is this who you really are?
Is this what you really wanted?
To infinitely hate yourself?
You are better than this
I know it's not easy.
But, go out! It's not easy overcoming the enemy.
When the enemy is you. I get it. But this life, the life you're breathing has so much more to give. You have so much love to give. Let the hate out.
Be free. Don't let it end you,
knowing you're better than this.
(I repost this cause I think it deserves the recognition to spread the message that i wanna bring out)
John Paul Nov 2014
Option quitting, done, tired.
No hopelessness only acceptance.
What is, continues and will not be stopped.
This thing is not of myself, and all of myself.
This is why it is accepted.

Fighting is futile    and    been exhausted.

One cannot expect that a person would be able
to tolerate such constant change of
disposition as an ebb and flow
of the most extreme
waters and of
energy.
These, are forever and they fight
against the self and become the self.
They only put forth little effort, that is all that's needed.
It is strong.
I love and hate myself all the time.

— The End —