Breathe a little in,
Oh, little boy, let it all out,
Put the pen to the paper, man,
And maybe you'll have someone to listen.
The letters can be your imaginary friends,
Close your eyes, they'll even smile,
They'll adore you.
But I won't, and when you go outside,
All you'll find is rain.
There will be no parade today,
No, not for you, nothing but pain,
Numbness, right before the drum,
bang bang bang, oh you have so much to beat,
but still, no one cares. Not even a peep.
The walls stop answering, little one,
They took away your bed so where will you sleep?
Your dreams scare you awake, the things inside you,
Tormenting your future, kills who you could be,
Don't worry, smoke this tree,
It's herbal, medicine, a natural remedy,
Just what you need.
The twigs will listen,
breathe in so deeply,
Maybe they'll stay,
Maybe you won't be lonely.
You just have to pay,
Breathe out, money, money,
get that green, green,
But what is the price of your own,
Worthless freedom,
Getting high with the clouds,
Till the anchors weigh you down.
Your ship no one scrubs,
Your boat no one floats,
Your mast no one will touch,
Your rudder is covered in rust,
You are going nowhere,
You are good for nothing,
And no one cares,
The truth laid out to bare,
Is you are without love
And even the bud is gone.

Catharsis is my blood on these lines
I exhale and beat myself dry
I ****** and die all over this mouse
A little less of what I was
And a little more less human.

Catharsis is when I tell a girl
A two page response on why I want her
And I never hear back from her again
And I sit there alone and close my eyes
My heart not even beating the whole time

Catharsis is working all day for minimum
Wage working all night for my own delight
Knowing tomorrow is sleep in daylight
And my body is dying a little faster
So my mind won't have to think these thoughts much Longer.

A metamorphosis she wrote
a little death he hoped
a matter exchange
a frown in the window pane
among a weeping black sky
in the middle of the day time
alone

oh the box is your home
little one you know
ive tried to get you to move out
but my words feel on sour notes
comfort comfort
as you choke

its digusting its morose
its beautiful its enthralling
its the truth its a hoax
its ugly its withdrawing
into your shell your cocoon

though no butterfly promotes
only carcass as your womb
just a shy regret
entombs.

There is a place down below,
Where the mockingbird used to crow,
Under the earth in sweet melody,
Of times gone past, and times gone needily.
In this magical place, I wander,
Speaking of times yonder,
And I speak to my friend,
About this mystical trend,
We work together underneath Charon’s Moon.
In this hell we call, soon.
We wait patiently and talk about revenge.
Ironically that it is the lies we spin, careenage,
Quicker and quickless, fast and fastness,
Speeding our demise and yours,
Upon fates sick web.

I SAW IT THEN,
What I SEE EVEN NOW
The future of MAN and the WOMAN he held dear!
And oh, the woe that lied WITHIN
The laughter so MALICIOUS
And the daughter NEVERAFTER
They all combined for some SICK DISEASE
Something I could not help but SNARL at!
I prayed then for the first time in my LIFE,
Let me take their HEARTS, their BRAINS,
Look at them MOTHER, look at their FAILURES,
What have the done, if not KILLED EACH OTHER.

And then I cried, alone once again.
My friend never there, left me again.
And my tears pooled almost high enough today,
To **** me forever.
Maybe tomorrow when I wake up forgetting again.

So, I remember,
I remember, nothing,
But oh, lord, non existant,
do I dream of everything,
And I have to come to grips,
That she still haunts me,
That's she keeps my **** soft,
Late at night,
When all I want to do is,
Cry and *******,
And she's watching Dexter with another man,
And her life is yet great,
And My life is yet still a sham,
Oh, love, cursed though you be,
I crave you desperately,
It's funny because all you've done is ruin me,
Put me on my own,
Solo, and wrecked,
The crash and the burn the *** and the low,
Without any chance of rising,
Oh, yes, that is how I feel,
And if she saw this,
Would she be sad,
No, she'd just laugh,
For all I've ever been is a joke,
and the comedian is me,
Listen further I'll tell you sweetly as I puke,
Oh, not so discreetly,
But the tears won't come and so I won't hide em,
My love, my dear,
My sweet manda moo bear,
I was once found, now lost again,
Coming to grips with my innate fears,
Though nothing helps,
No gloves are enough,
To understand I am alone in this world.
The fault, the failures my own,
Broken, like the song that just won't play right,
Like the ***** that just wont feel tight,
Pulling out because it is too much for you,
And you call yourself a man?
NO!
No! Failuremore, evermore,
This reality a perspective,
You dream on your own,
While you lose your own mind,
And no one much cares,
Hell, why do I even write,
Write to further my alone,
Loneliness, yes it becomes a state of mind,
A loss of self, A conciousness of lost,
And you cant be, what you were meant to be,
Can you see,
I am coming to grips,
With sadness and insanity,
Forgive me.
But length is not long for me,
In this poor world.

My friends complain to me
They tell me their sorrows
And tear filled litanies.
I nod along and offer advice
Scowling inside.
Oh so now finally the guy you like doesn’t like you?
So no you finally get hurt?
You dare complain to me who would ****
To feel that pain to feel that love burst?
You finally feel rejected huh,
Left on the street?
Welcome to the real world *******.
Welcome to the meat.
Rotting and corroding,
sick filled heart,
That we call rejection.
Beating furiously
As a thousand bulls on the range
Feel our pain.
Now you’re alive.
How does it feel when you’re lucks ran out?
But still you have fond memories.
Kisses to look back on nostalgically
What do I have…
Well I have you.
What a friend you turned out to be.

Oh this is a confession,
From my empty heart,
I don't love you,
Anymore,
You aren't even my *****,
No, You are nothing,
A friend, worthless, without meaning,
A couple hundred miles away,
Never to be nearer,
But what is this,
I don't want to be alone even still,
You cheated on me, broke me,
And even then, I didn't feel anything,
It will never be the same again,
I tell you this, and you know,
But still you stick around,
I tell you I'll never feel anything romantic for you,
Probably ever, and still... you won't leave,
And I can't keep myself away...
Why?
Because even still,
With all you did, and all I said,
All I've felt, and not felt,
through all our dysfunction,
And our respective insanities,
Still... I don't want to be in the dark,
By myself, with no tent, no light,
No one to tell my scary stories to,
My mind is too daunting, too deep,
Too dank and decrepit, No where to hide,
Just my own monsters to follow my own,
***** little hide,
I'm so angry at myself, for my weakness,
And yet all I wanna do is give in,
I look at your face and say,
To my worrisome self,
Oh that is the kind of girl I wish,
I could  have introduced to my mom,
The dead broad that haunts subtly,
Someone that, I'd be lucky to call mine,
A body so lovely,
Hiding a mind just as crazy,
That I find myself contemplatin'
How,
Even if it was a lie, another lie,
Even if it was a cycle of pain.
But I didn't feel anything the first time,
Why should it change,
No only my pride, lies in wait,
Between you,
And my next mistake.

Half the poems I like
I do so simply because
I think you are hot
To be fair now, I mean
Inside and out.

All these people,
These friends of mine,
They know everything you see.
They can tell the future, its easy to belive.
They tell me,
"Oh, it will get better soon,
Just wait you will be set free"
Funny how, every time,
I'm almost away,
I just get pulled farther,
Deeper under...
The happier I am,
Its like the giant falling,
From that tall beanstalk,
My smiles setting me for,
The sequential falls,
A rollercoaster ride...
A cosmic joke, I suppose.
How many ways can my life be tarnished?
How many times can I fall,
Before I just stay down?
In how many ways can I be imperfect?
And just not care?
Heck I don't know,
Ask my friends,
They can see everything.
Dontcha know?

I just can not do it,
oh not any more.

I'm a rusty wheel still turning,
but the spinning and running,
ended a long time ago.

I'm an empty husk,
the snake skin left over,
from a serpent long slivered.

The passion has come and gone,
as the wind blows from the east,
setting with the cool sun in the west,
and the day turns to black starless night,
so too do I fall into the the pitch,
a quiet hell resounding.

But no devils speak to me,
oh the joys if they would deign to torture me,
no, no, no dear, no.
I am left alone.
The only words of recoil that I do hear,
Are the sharp respites my own mind come come upon,
Jumping up on and and every one of my shallow young boy fears.
The inadequacies of life and the man not leading.

So I'll sit back in this chair, and let life come to me.
I'm tired of ******* and having it feel so empty.
I can fill no wombs, so I'll sleep singularly.
Maybe it will fit me. Maybe my spark will come back.
Or maybe we are all just dreaming.
A dream of future glories, never to be.
And the walls of our reality.
Are always just crumbling.

The lights are all dark,
Bright as the night sky.
The weight is so light,
Dank as a summer ray.

Fly, if you can fly, FLY!
But still you must sink,
Sink, sink, sink,
Drip drip drop.
All into one.
All into nothingness.
There where the dark lights lie.

Darkness is encompassing my entire being,
As I’m talking to ladies(?) on the internet,
So ***** so ******, and its delicious,
I want, I crave, I’m already past addicted.
I’m past hard, and past, rock, diamond to the core.
No self-serving hands can release the beast,
Only their words their promises feed my meat.
But inside I’m still a little scared,
A little apprehensive that I don’t have a candle,
Or even a ladder to get back up.
Instead I’m stuck down here,
Deaf and blind, senseless in all but the lust and the mind.
Listening to some Justin Timberlake,
And reading ***** stories,
Oh how this is such infernal bliss.
It’s a good thing God doesn’t exist,
For my muse, for my with.
But I must complain, I must protest,
That the best part in all this,
Is doing what I’m not supposed to be doing,
With people who I can’t even miss.
****** affairs and fantasies,
The beauty of the naked body.
For some it’s a bright white light,
Showing them what they’ve never seen before,
The hidden, the trapped inner conscious.
But me is what it’s always been.
****** and not even hidden.
So there is no light here,
No positives to take,
Except perhaps some gratification,
And these stupid lies to bear.

I know you have kids to feed,
But I must say what I need,
I am no thief,
I did not steal from you,
And our boss already finished the deal,
I owned what I worked for,
You don't get to carry the sins of the father,
unto the son. Because it suits you.

You curse the dealership for approving deals,
That make you lose money in peels,
But you want my losers,
You have to ask everyone for yours,
I earn mine, and never have to ask anyone.

Please stop accosting me.
Do not tell me, that my father thinks I am Greedy,
Do not tell me that I don't know anything,
That what comes around goes around,
Do not call me, The kinkiest ******* you know,
And say you wont do buisness with me,
Any more,
And then keep coming to me,
And lecturing me,
And riling me up,
And stressing me,
And making my heart burst up,

Leave me alone.
Fight someone else,
To get what you think is yours,
While I'll sleep soundly,
Maybe tomorrow,
Knowing I did what was right.

My car broke down today.
I am depressed.

I tried to get it up the hill, but it could not make it.
I am depressed.

I could not sell anything at work today.
I am depressed.

I am on the pursuit of happiness.
And I am depressed.

I am torn between two paths.
And I am depressed.

I'm listening to those same sad songs.
And I am so depressed.

I feel like vomiting and ******* and crying.
Oh yes, I am depressed.

I couldn't find what it was to be happy.
I have been so depressed.

I'm writing this with my eyes closed now.
It makes me a little less depressed.

I could only find a void.
I stayed quite depressed.

When I laughed it even reached my eyes for a while,
but underneath, unbeknownst even to me I remained
very depressed.

I thought I could determine my own emotions,
What a fool I've been, depressed.

Tryed to find my self worth hidden somewhere,
There are no values when you are depressed.

I'm remembering different me's,
but I don't know anything, depressed.

Where will I go from here,
I don't care, just let me be, depressed.

Oh I may never change,
I may always be,
depressed.

Depression darkening.
I see our sin and it is sickening.
Every story is the same.
There is only one.
And it is true.

We all have a choice.
And we all choose the samest.
Thou mayest indeed.
Making mistakes over and over again.
Nothings changing.
Just new scenery.

We eat that apple every day.
And like God I’m feeling the urge for a flood.
But I want to live in a world without Him.
Without an excuse for our actions.
Humanity is illness
For every good a thousand evils.
Even with hope peeking out in
Timshel.
We choose evil.

I choose evil too.
I’m no better.
I feel rage, bubbling inside.
The glint in my eyes as I grasp at my sister.
If only I could **** her.
But instead it’s hits I give.
She’s begging for it.

Then there is the man.
Whose face and likeness I openly mock.
And I feel my place in society.
As those above mock me.
I don’t feel much pleasure,
Though I smile and laugh.
Only empty.
With a glint in my eyes shinning.

And as I take a bite of the apple.
And knowledge comes into me,
East of Eden.
Guilt comes into me.
And I see myself in them.
Now I’m just left in the sadness of life.
And I wonder if anyone thinks like I think.
If anyone else knows what I know.
If those people are still living.
Or if we are all continually dying.

For there are people cosumed in their own darkness.
And people hiding flaws in laughs,
And  people staring in the stars seeing tears,
But can anyone see the universal.
Can anyone see the hoplessness
Of it all?

That if it was just you, you alone who was with blackness,
Then it would be better soon.
But no it’s us all,
We all are hurt.
We all hurt.

Who knows. Maybe I just do not see the saints.
Or I see them and do not understand.
To me the balance is broken.
No yin only yang.
Hell, maybe I’m broken.
No happy ending.
Only continuing.

All that wander inside me,
Are lost, lost.

All the gone souls,
All the dead people,
Hearing their bells toll.

Ring, ring.
Something we used to be.
But I won't pick up the phone.

Sing, sing.
Oh how I listened intently,
To lies of my own demise.
Demure.

****, ****.
These little fragments.
Of my whole.
Failure.

Away, Away,
future is gone,
Today.
The past circles around and,
I have nothing else left to,
Say.

**** yourself he said.
You are a burden. You are a failure.

Why am I a burden? Why do I fail?
I am the smartest man in the room.
Why do I assault my own inteligence?

YOU WANTED THIS. EVEN NOW THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU CLAWS,
He screamed.
And then he whispered,
Even now your heart beats and beats,
Feeling fear as if you were a normal human,
And twisting this fear into more disgust

Answer me! I said
Why do I do this?

You are so smart, you tell me
Tell me all the explanatons you can think.
How they all fit so perfectly.
It makes it worse doesn't it?
Just more excuses. But what differs between an excuse and a valid reason? He said softly.

I opened the door with the skeleton inside.
The monster clawed and clawed, and so,
I opened the door with my demons inside.
And I simply asked why.

I can feel the demons. The darkness inside of me.
Its very subtle. It is slow, and patient.
But then, after a lot of stress or damage, it explodes.
The black becomes red,
And the hunger that has been festering,
Unflinchingly screams out for more
For blood and gore.
And lust.
I feel as if on the edge of a very perilous cliff,
And at the very bottom the lord of evils himself awaits,
With. Very soft, very kind smile.
I want to trust those eyes.
I want to grab her ***,
I want to take her where she stands.
And when the try and stop me I want to ****,
I want to be unstoppable,
I want to rule and never be questioned,
I want to be right, and always right.
I want to be known as great and terrible and fearsome and I want to destroy.
I want to destroy, so that this emptyness I reside in,
Is not mine alone.

Along the shadows mirrored road,
I whispered to my ghost,
I said oh dear, oh my john oh my.
What are you doing here,
This failure you have paid for,
This debt You’ve made sure you will Collect.
How far does the rabbit hole go?
Deeper and deeper, I fear.
Laugh and laugh as the children frolic to and fro,
But to those days you will never go.
When I say you are forever alone,
Do not think im cliché, or a bore.
Instead noticed the holes you dig,
Shielding yourself,
In this dark fiery pit.

BUT I REPLIED,
OH GLORIOUS DEMON,
YOUR NAME I ANNOUNCE AND DEPLORE,
BEELZEBUB, FOREVER MORE.
GET AWAY FROM ME, KING OF THE KNATS,
TO YOUR SCOURGE I DANCE ALONG,
BUT NOW LAY YOUR FLUTES,
AS I REST ALONG THE BAY.
MY FUTURE, THE ONE I’VE CURSED,
LIKE MACBETH’S WIFE, VILE PROPHECYIES DISBERESED.
ALAS, NO MORE!
I AM NOW MY OWN.
I WILL NOW BEGIN TO FAIL!
FOR NOW I SHALL BEGIN TO TRY.

Oh little boy, little boy,
He said.
In a sad, sad, man’s shell.
What is this emotion you feel?
If nostalgia met unchangeable fate,
Still not would we find one, as engorged
As you.
Listen to me now, I am not demon, not even a man, I am you,
Or am I just the wind rolling through.
You are your own worst enemy.
You opened the door knowing,
The Knowledge that abounds,
Was the Devil’s lure around,
The once slim waist,
Of your cordoned off face.

NO! No… I cried.
But to my tears,
I heard not even pitiful sighs.
The voice left me.
And in its absence came my own.
But no matter how it echoes,
No, no matter, how it sounds.
It is dull and lifeless now.
It is my future known and found.

Always wait 'till it's gone
Always blind even when taught
Always deaf even when sought

Only looking back at what was
Only pilling bricks on my walls
Only gulping bile in my rue

Coulda had, coulda got
Coulda grabbed, coulda talked
Coulda laughed, coulda loved

Emptied comforts, emptied joys
Emptied rooms, emptied possibilities
Emptied mind, numb false serenity

Only broke up by
Intense flashes of
Sanity.
Disgust.

Every time I see her,
Smiling so innocently,
She never is looking, unless its already past me.
I feel like telling her to stop,
Stop faking, stop being nice.
Because every time she shines, My light gets a little darker.
Selfishly I almost cry at night, listenin’ to Kid Cudi,
Hopenin’ maybe if I’m sad enough,
She’ll get in a time machine and just come clean.
Well chaos theory says its gonna happen eventually,
But until then, I think I’ll just give a word of advice for all you wayward women.
Take it from me, take it from personal heartbreak.
It is a thousand times better to say no,
Than to say yes and not really mean it.

Don’t you wish you were a kid again?
To go back and be happy and carefree,
Feeling the wind, each time feeling newborn.
Time moved so much slower then.

I wish I could go back,
And be different than I was,
Live life to the fullest,
And bring no one woe.

But those days are gone now,
Those summer days where I would stay up way too late,
Playing in the street.
They are gone for me.

Those cool winter afternoons,
Where playing basketball at noon,
Meant a cold sweat,
And the feel of life.

Back then it didn’t matter,
It all was a game,
Winners and Losers all,
Just for one day.

No one really felt pain,
Desensitized though we were,
And life felt so long and hopeful,
Love was so far away.

Send me back to my childhood,
If just for one more day.
I just want to smile,
I want to say.
I’m happy.

I hate dreams.
I hate them for what they make me see,
Worse still is that even as you know their not real,
You believe and it seems,
If only for a second, that what could be or should be,
Or what simply isn't,
Is.

I hate seeing her face,
So sad under those shades;
Take me home,
She seems to say,
But nobody really talks in dreams.
But nobody really talks.

I died in a dream once.
And I kept on sleeping.
What does it mean, what does it mean?
To me death is one long dreamless sleep,
But I fear the opposite, that it is one sleepless dream.

I see his face now and then.
The face in real life I barely remember.
Under the water.
Calling up.
Save me.
But dreams can't change your world.
Tragically they can only make you believe.

My moms there waiting for me.
Though her alone I am too scared to see.
Even my subconcious knows not to tease me,
Knows the scars and the pain,
And how it would bleed me and end me
And I curse them from keeping me,
I hate dreams.

Beware all ye who enter here,
This is my heart.
And it is just as bad,
Nay worse,
Than any of hell's trespass,
It beats slow like the mockingbird doth crow,
Once in a blue moon,
And only at midnight,
The chill's it release would make the Morningstar,
Shiver in pain,
My gates are protected by demons greater,
Than the darkest Horror novel,
My own.
The Pits are more black than the darkest tar,
It is the color of my love and of my hate.
For dontcha know,
Its all one thing down here,
Bleeding freely,
Come on in and take a dive,
Just beware,
Not a one,
No God, Demon, Man wo or not,
Has of yet made it out of here,
Is there a treasure inside,
Maybe, perhaps... probably,
Its just the the pride of the thing,
Like climbing Mount Everest,
Or making it to dinner on time.
But I don't care.
Live or die,
The gates remain so very high
Climb them if you will.

One time I fell,
And I awoke in hell,
At first they fought,
For such a soul as me,
Until one such as Beelzebub,
Lord of the hosts he came along,
And he among the first he bowed,
Whispering in a yell loud enough to hear,
'We WILL be waiting for your return,
Lord of lords, king of kings,
Lion among  lambs, hero among man,"

Awakening from such a dream,
In a sweat that made me hot,
I smiled for the first time in a long time,
As the blackness in my heart boiled,
And the gates grew,
I had a home in hell,
And Earth would be my THRONE.

Life isn’t really something you could call good.
For just about every one, it *****.
But sometimes, even when I can’t hear her.
I just zone out and look at her eyes,
Watch her talk, watching her smile.
Looking at those beautiful lights.
And I can’t smell it,
But I’m imagining the smell of her hair.
She’s talking so softly,
He words cushioning me from pain loftly,
And I want…
No, I don’t want anything else.
This is enough.

Why do we value love?
Why are we incomplete?
If there is a God I hate him.
I feel cheap.
One half of a puzzle,
With no ******* piece.
Waiting for the fit of key to lock,
In a day never to be.

When I was young I could smile and mean it.
Now I’m old and its all fake.
Now I’m deaf and I can’t take it.
Now I’ve lost brothers, friends, mothers,
Now I’m mature.
And its not fair.
Its life, simply put,
A mistake.

It would be different if I wasn’t so self aware.
My greatest critic myself.
My cursed brilliance always looking, always finding,
Something new to hate, something else not perfect,
Never right, never good enough,
But never intent enough to change.

Self Destruction in the most cruel of ways,
I don’t even believe in belief,
Or in vision or faith.
It only goes lower,
Setting up myself higher,
For even greater pains.

I know your thinking,
Be happy it could be worse.
You could be a kid in Africa,
Starving or hurt.
Your naïve shutup.
You know it all freak.
What is worse say I,
To be starved in the body,
Or in heart and soul.

For the whip of the universe,
To caress your body,
Or break what it can’t take.
I belong to no one,
I am only mine.
But this is not a gift,
It’s a curse,
Of a unique unremedy,
Wherein I shall lie for eternity.

Et tu Brutus?
Betrayal of the greatest.
Just like our friend Judas.
Sat and watched you lose us.

It was a sunny day,
And the pool was all Sparklin.
We had some pizza.
Our favorite was cheese.

I was young but older than you,
Brothers we were, surrounded in a world of new.
We went outside, our first mistake,
Played around, like pirates, we would fake.

Then if just for fun…
You threw it all in, your diaper into the din,
Being your elder, I brought it back on,
So the game went, over and over.

So the die was cast, together,
As I brought your diaper out,
Of the aqua blue pool.
Who would ever know, that I was the fool.

Out of reach this time.
Out of care.
How could I protect you now,
I barely had hair…
I should have been there,
Shoulda been me,
Why did you feel,
You should be,
The one who jumped after what was lost,
The die was cast, and alone you lost.

I still remember,
Even now,
The look on your face,
Under the water’s curtain.

A look of pain,
Maybe of peace,
But mostly questioning,
In your blank debeing.
Long I sat there,
Long, I misunderstood.
Long, I called for you,
Spencer return with your hood.

Sank you did,
As did my heart.
I got my mother,
Shock tore her apart.

Still now I ponder,
Still now I wonder,
What could have been,
If you never wandered.

But the failure was mine.
I’m the big brother.
It should have been me, instead,
You fell to the Ocean’s daughter.

Now I must add myself, to this short list.
And if you find yourself asking this,
Et tu Justin, be not remiss.
For I have sinned, my brother’s last kiss.

You ever tell a lie?

Don’t lie to me.
I already know you.
You’re the same as me.

It’s funny to look in the mirror.
And see a false reflection.
Smiling back at you.

Devil’s duty or God’s grace.
Both are doomed in fate.
As the tears come down his face.

Sin beautifully.
Lie great.
Die happily.
Alone.

Then.
Wake up.

Man had come far,
And had worked hard.
Space was no longer a frontier,
But a home.

It began long ago,
When science in its heavenly power, bestowed,
Among the beasts of man,
Black Hole Harvestation.

Changing the very shape of worlds,
The speed of light and beyond,
All became possible,
When and where nothing exists.

It was an age of warfare and destruction,
The likes of which are untold,
The number will never be found,
Trillions were lost in those Black Wars.

But a few did survive,
An extinct Earth,
As they fled to make their new home,
On the colony of Mars.

Ironic though it was,
Seeking Peace,
On the God of war,
They made their new land happy.

If anywhere in any time,
Was truly the land of “milk and honey”,
Then It was them and then,
Back in the very first days…

Of a galactic empire.

Hundreds of years pass now,
In the blink of an eye,
Earth had been reclaimed, reformed,
Along with a galaxy to go a by.

Humanity is now at the apex of its power,
Ruled together by the ultimate congregation,
The Delegation of Stars,
But Pride doth come before the fall.

Everyone had their say,
And for all the wonders and riches then,
It was hard to say nay,
They shall go to the core.

To the Universe’s lore,
They went flying in their fleets,
100 Juggernaughts from Syntrax, on the fringes of the Great Nebulae Sea,
734 cruisers from Ralon in the Hose-Head system.

A thousand ships minus one from Earth,
And a mere six from the Gemini Apollo colony,
And countless others from all over,
Led by the Fleet of Mars, who’s glory and majesty, was beyond mere men.

They left in moments and arrived in light years,
Waking in seconds refreshed and surprised,
What they found , what they’re greatest of technologies could not see,
Inside the densest of Super Black Holes.

Was the remnants from three Big Bangs hence,
Harvesting ever since,
You think millions of years is a lot for man?
Try trillions for one.

It was a battle not a slaughter,
As communication broke down,
This was the last thing we expected,
We who entered there.

From that day on,
The Battle was named,
The Loss at the Core.

A retreat was ordered,
As black holes sprung up from within their machines,
Their weapons surpassed each and every defense,
Some older ships were hacked and turned against each other.

One ship stayed behind,
Defiant even in defeat.
The Flagship of The Empire,
Named “Justly Sweet”,
It’s last report was,
2 years ago today,
It showed the bridge going to hell and gone,
As the devil was unleashed.

But all throughout, the captain stood there,
Commanding, leading, fighting,
All the way to the end.
A warrior’s death.

The race then named,
The Paraplex,
Found a new reason to be,
To destroy us, we who shed their and out blood.

It was a year since that battle,
Our whole northern sector had fallen,
The plan was simple, taken from history,
A choke point at Thermopylae, with the greatest defensive systems this side of mars.

A million guns had been constructed,
Ever since the war and before.
Particle dissimulators from moons, orbits and the planet.
One, bigger than some suns.

The plan was simple,
The Western Sector,
Well, it was in charge of defense,
It’s formidable shield and anti-quark technologies, would save us all.

Meanwhile the Eastern, Southern, And C.C. (Central-Capital) Sections,
The offensive flank,
They would of course bring.
Once a battle has begun, then they would be flung.

It was of course, perfect.
But so much was already lost.
Planets, Systems, whole Galaxies,
All but gone.

This was worse than the Black War,
There would be no recovery,
You can always change what is there,
But what’s gone is gone.

The military was ready,
The Civilians were evacuated,
Now comes the calm before the storm.
And then the lightening across the sky, it erupted.

In the opening seconds,
Their fleet was almost demolished,
Ambushed beyond belief,
Plasma ripped tears in space and time.

The black turned green and red and cosmic blue,
The space itself was warped by the colors of war,
The guns blazing their sub-atomic blasts,
Invisible to the naked eye.

The gamma ray bombs,
How they exploded in such wonderful forays,
We were blinded, of course,
We could stills see through their computers and technologies.

Losses were few, it seemed true,
That the adamant technologies,
Of the Western Section,
Held up beyond belief.

It was a beautiful carnage they unleashed,
And to complete their victory,
The Northern, Eastern, And C.C.,
Upon black hell’s they ran.

But OH! The Greatest blunder in Human history,
The enemy snatched victory from the hands of defeat,
For this was but a suicide mission,
One for just a minor army.

It was inconceivable to us then,
How useless a life is to them,
After trillions of years,
We would have won the battle, yes that’s clear.

But then it became something,
Something darker and crazy,
A Super Nova they unleashed,
A technology we had yet to discover.

The Entire System was destroyed,
In a matter of milliseconds,
The greatest of shields, the biggest of guns,
Fell instantly, to the miniature big-bang.

So many soldiers…
So many ships…
So many generals…
So many friends.

In mere seconds they died,
For how far we had come,
How much we had lost,
As innumerable as the stars.

No one talks about that battle,
The Slaughter at Thermopylae.
No one can,
We can’t afford to cry.

The battles still continue,
Here and there.
But ever since then,
They’ve basically divided and conquered.

The Paraplax, ****** into our wings,
And took away our flight,
The West and East both became silent,
Faded into the night.

A galactic siege of an empire spanning
Millions of light years,
Soon began,
But first came the worst.

In the Capital of the Southern Section,
They betrayed us and were betrayed.
For they had no use for slaves,
Mercy was an unfamiliar word to they.

The surrounding was complete,
The end result quite clear.
We wouldn’t be able to make it past the new year.
And slowly, methodically, they came.

What did they have to fear?
And planets fell,
My wife did on escape,
Systems were crushed without notice, without faith.

Now there is just us.
A Battalion and Mars.
There is not much point to it all I guess,
We’ve basically been eradicated.

But they keep playing that video,
All on every screen.
The captain, as explosions and black holes erupt around him,
Yelling quite furiously at his subordinates, seeking victory in defeat.

He didn’t give up,
If we’re going to die,
Then we’ll be men about it,
For there is not much time left.

To any race in the future or the past,
Who ever encounters out Swan Song,
This includes our entire history, in more detailed account,
And our greatest treasures.

We send it to you now,
The Universe,
Echoing forever,
Among the waves of sound.

So ends the last report,
Nay the last words,
This is John Ashton Upston, the 354th,
President of The Empire Fallen Among The Stars

I feel like my eyes, my skin,
Are like ties that bind me.
Lies that tithe my being.
Holding in my soul,
And that I'm numb,
I can't even feel,
Only the tears I cannot cry,
Are real.
Just a shell,
Oh living, living not a live,
living a lie an imposter,
peroposteroulsy going through the emotions,
thinking I'll be understood,
when no one dares to look under the hood,
Much less the mirage in the mirror,
Just echoes of fears and faded glories,
Scars of my own making.
And yet somehow it comforts me,
Darling dearest run far away,
Even as it with every step,
I become more empty.
I'm selfish, lovely,
And your beautiful facade,
masks my emptiness.
Into the void I wish to go,
But I have no bravery.
Just a shell,
A puppet,
Of some joke unseen.

Something about the cold.
Always makes me feel alive.
Even when otherwise,
I am dead inside.

Oh somewhere in the chill,
Is a will that hits the air,
A subtle sweetness, a fair
dream resounding here.

In my mind...
Blank spaces fill the gaps,
oh the universe is infinite, and nothing,
withing my synapses.
Hiding here, the greater fears,
of many people, many cultures,
many wordless wonders,
the newborns eyes look up,
blankly, oh yes, the void,
waiting, patiently,
calmly, emotionlessly,
just destiny. Hungry.
Ever fed, ever full,
every growing, ever receding,
cycling, spasming, living, dying.
All truth, all lie. All residing in here,
The darkest corners of my mind...

And then the cool breeze comes in,
Softly, sweetly, laying on,
those silly electrical currents upon,
nothing really exists anon.

Neither here nor there,
now nor later, just ok.
Just fine.
I feel less like Legion and more like one.
And it feels good.
I feel, alive.

I feel like I’ve said all I’ve been made to be said.
I’ve expressed my limited array of emotions,
In a variety of ways.
And yet…
It doesn’t feel over,
Not quite yet.
I don’t believe in anything, not even men.
But maybe I can make something,
Something.
Something that someday when I’m dead,
You’ll still care about.
That when you feel something terrible or wonderful,
You can come back to one of my poems and see it in a new light.
You can understand and love, and cry, and die with me.

I want you to care.
Because I can’t.
Now there, I’m done I’ve said it.
Now on to years of psychological questioning’

I ain't ever gonna be the man
I was supposed to be.
Oh no, that shining soul,
was washed out to sea.

But maybe, just maybe,
I'll become who I am,
Turn in, quite magically,
To the best version of myself.

One day, on a wish,
I'll stop dreading my being,
I'll look into the mirror,
And accept the fact I am seeing.

I will no longer mourn the skin I have shed,
The layers of self,
The visages of what could have,
Should have been.

I am that I am,
My brother and mother are long dead,
My father now, distantly,
I will climb.

This pit will no longer hold,
My essence, no longer keep,
Me imprisoned, I'll decide my limits,
I'll reach my heavens.

And I might even take you,
I might very well build a home,
A place for us, and our living,
I might just become who I am,
Before I turn into dust.
I only have this one chance, to turn around
Before my life crumbles in rust...
I must, I don't know, but I'll struggle,
Until I can handle,
oh or till the day I can trust,
The way you look at me.

I’m trying to escape this fate.
That these people laid out for me.
They attack and the make,
What I do not want to fake.
Its their fault I say,
That the sad people are forced to smile,
That the dead people are forced to hell,
That my sins are forever and awhile.

I want to make you laugh,
And yet I only make you sappy.
You pity me and secrete my very being,
You look down from your perch on high,
And you tell me what is what,
And who I’m supposed to be.

But it is not written in stone.
And I’ve never been very friendly.
If I come across a fork in the road,
Heck, I’ll make my own.
Don’t follow me either,
I want anyone to beleaguer.

But isn’t it sad you think,
That deep inside,
I realize in my self conflicatory mise,
That I have only my shadow to reside beside,
Only my mind to hide behind.

The scars they run deep,
And with every shallow heart beat,
I realize I’ve lost my life already,
Just standing still waiting.

You try to create,
You try to leave something behind,
But you fail in every image you make,
With every mistake a little bit more irate.
You’re a failure, its meaningless, to no try to fake.

Just give up, desist, do not resist.
Be like me say one thing and do another.
Forget.

She thinks she’s soo ugly,
When I keep telling her you’re just pretty.

And she wants to hide from the world,
But I just want to see a little more.

Her smile is sad and proud,
And it stands so defiant at me.

Though, I wouldn’t trade a moment,
If I could just make her grief fade complete.

I wanna hold her now, and tell her it will be alright,
Cuz’ im here now, and I ain’t leavin.

And she’s already promised me a kiss,
Oh how those lips tempt me already.

And I gonna stop giving,
Till I’ve given more than plenty.

Maybe, just maybe one day she’ll understand,
That my feelings my desires make me her man.

Of course she’s sad right now, and oh so lonely.
The world’s crumbling against her, and her breath is coming heavy.

But come these next five days I’ll heal her pain and in stead,
I’ll replace my joyous love, encased in each breath.

OH you were honest, huh?
I should respect you,
Oh dear,
For being real?

I tell you okay, cool,
thank you!
That I bear you no ill will,
no, no,
Not enough for you,
Elder one,
I must admit,
how amazing you are,
For dropping me,
For something easy.
Immediate.

I get the decision,
Hell, I share most of your reasoning!
But, *****,
please,
Get the **** out,
of my life,
If you are going to drop me,
And ask me to respect you,
for honesty.
Like I wouldn't have noticed anyways.
Like you owed me an explanation.
Like you cheated on me.
Like you felt guilty,
or,
decided I deserved it.
When really, you just played the game,
A little better,
and when a fairer breeze came along,
You jumped on,
and flew away,
Dandily.

Well ******* ****,
I'll find someone better,
Immediately.
And it's okay.
I'm just being honest.
You have to respect me for,
being real.
Smile.

This is not a metahpor,
oh no this is so so real,
this is the deliciousness,
oh for my meal,
to consist of the sweet delicacy
Oh I know you know it is true,
Let us fry a koala,
Not make it into stew.

It will be chewy and crunchy,
Oh leave the bones in,
They make the meat more tender,
And toothpicks more fun,
Let your girl make it for you,
And **** you clean while eating.
That is when you've reached heaven,
And the lust and gluttony therein.

If they try to stop you,
From stealing another koala,
Tell them it is your dinner,
And they are making you quite irate.

Beat them in the face,
And shoot their families down,
Nothing must stop you from eating,
Yet another fried koala,
One might even think its fate.

When you **** it out,
Don't fret or moan,
Take it like a man,
And bless the remains,
of the once fried koala,
As you flush it down down down.
Because another lies down under,
To quench your hunger,
Forever.

For Lexi.

There once was a girl from Georgia,
And I liked her,
And she liked me,
But I broke her heart,
And it was simply…
Because I was afraid.

We were on a bus that day,
And sitting so closely,
Beautiful as can be…
Playing and laughing, showing magic and tricks,
Teenagers without a worry to say
Except for me,
Because I was afraid.

What do you do?
When your stuck in fear?
For me I lied,
To the one I held dear.
I told her this,
And the mood suddenly changed,
“I have a girlfriend back home,
For your magic she’ll be grinning ear to ear”
Because I was afraid.

I could see the pain,
Covered so slyly under that smile,
While underneath,
Her hear wrecked in facsimile,
Of the storm outside.
Because I was afraid.

It was new,
And it was happy,
And it was everything I wanted,
But I tore it down,
It was change,
It was something I wasn’t ready for,
It was something I didn’t understand…
And it could have been love.

But,
Because I was afraid…
No it wasn’t
And now…
It’s ironic I guess,
That I’m the one,
Who’s really heartbroken.

I say goodbye.
And all you said was okay.
I said sayonara,
And you have nothing to say.

I turned around,
Half-expecting your hands around my waist,
But when I looked back,
You had already gone away.

I guess that’s how it’s always been,
Guess you have a right to give as good as you got.
But dearest love, the day is much colder now,
And I only have myself to blame.

Everywhere I go I’m lookin’ for something.
And everywhere I go no one is lookin’ for me.

I’m tired of searching for words,
This **** stupid puzzle.

You connect the dots,
In the middle find me.

***, quite respectfully,
Don’t call me honey.

You don’t know me,
You don’t hold me softly.

I can’t hear your light whispers,
As I drift to sleep peacefully.

You never gave a ****,
Never did.

Everywhere might as well be nowhere.
Because there is no light in this life.

I’m trapped in the dark,
And for years countless I’ve been searching for the end of the tunnel.

But no one’s calling my name,
No one’s put on a search for me.

I guess its all just part of the game,
Only recently have I figured why it was called that.

Everyone is trippin’ and trickin’ and hurtin’ each other,
Cuz’ we all wanna be in love with one another.

Oh well, I think I’ll just sit for a bit,
Lie here and rest a minute.

When did it get so dark, cold and late?
Before I’d been young I was already old.

Goodnight.

I seek greatness,
Not perfection but
Something more.
I want jagged edges,
And symmetry long broken.
I want rhythm and beat,
rhyming galore, but flowing,
so fleet, off the tongue of my keyboard,
into your minds, drilled bore
never to be filled but left void,
never to be lit up or explored
save by my depravity, the
wanton insanity that is my quest
for eternality, for remembrance
for the suddenness by which
a heart attack do prance
tip toeing around your soul,
twisting it in, and lithely
make you beg for the encore,
even still won't be satisfied,
I'll become who I am,
The best version of myself,
Ravenous, more, than any lion,
Tiger, or engorged man,
Nay, even if I look down upon highest perch,
like The Raven itself,
Even if Poe himself, were to raise up again,
Weeping, claiming oh, John, your poetry,
Nay, your beating, has me breathing,
Still will I deny that drum,
Even then will I be empty,
and so this emotion that I am releasing,
Will self servedly do nothing,
You can not destroy that which is not living,
Only close your eyes, and forget quickly,
For if you let my greatness roam,
Oh upon your shoulders I will loan,
my delicious insanity upon the world,
And the toll my greatness,
shall collect,
will be worth more than all the gold.
And I'll simply just,
waste it away,
In search of some greatness,
greater still!
Some vision, some sign,
that is meaningless except,
like happiness,
In the pursuit, never to be found.

Half Empty.

The beautiful girl she Sat alone
Her hair of fire and her eyes of stone
Prettily covered a void now grown

It had always been there but even still
Now at last it felt unreal.
As if she was not herself. But a caricature a void of ladies past.

I could see her sitting there in her half emptiness.
I felt my other side waiting and I looked her
In her eyes.
With soft shown bliss she smiled. And I said to her simply
You will be mine for a long while.
While before you've never felt whole
Upon one look the truth shall be told
You were made to be mine.  And I shall
Have you body mind heart and soul.
Though it may be scary because of false prophets long since past
If you take a fall into my rabbit hole
You'll find yourself awoken as you really are.
Alice in Wonderland
At last

All hallows ever,
And I am sitting on the bed,
The bed that is a couch,
With narerly an account,
but surely still,
That Frankenstein will listen,
No morely not,
I am my own with standing,
Yet who we are is who we have repeatedly been,
Muderer's killers, who are we truly, but conglomerates of our free willing,
and lies withunderstood.

I’m looking at the old couple, driving next door,
And I already know that’s us, we’re going to last.

Still, I’m trying not to fall too hard, too fast.
But I’ve already bungee jumped off the skyscraper,
I’m hopin’ this cord ain’t too long,
That you’ll stop me before rock bottom.

Even though I’m fightin it, trying to take it slow,
Like the beautiful moon, every night I seem to fall for you.
You’re even more radiant and gorgeous you know,
I tell you every day so,
Even more in love with me you’ll be.

I love you, mi amo, never leave me,
I’m never going to hurt you, never desert you,
I’ll be there, in hunger and thirst, you,
Are the best thing in my life, now and forever,
Be mine ain’t no valentine,
Its my wish upon a star for you.

Every day is the very start, of
A whole new day of lovin’ you.
Forget me tonight, remember me tomorrow.
I’ll always and forever love you.

These words are inadequate,
For how you make me feel,
My heart bumps and thumps whenever it wants to,
For you I have no control.

I’m trying so **** hard not to scare you,
To push you away or force you.
Because I need and breathe you’re essence, you’re life.
You’re my oxygen filling my lungs,
Every word I speak, its you on my tongue.

This poem ain’t good enough for you.
You’re better than the best.
It can never match you’re smile or you’re embrace.
But if it can make you laugh, or cry for joy,
Then it’ll be worth it, cuz all I want
If for you to be happy with me.

K

Close my eyes as I write.
This emotionless screen my only light.
Straight from the heart I speak
When I tell you my heart has gone bleak.
Her eyes cast elsewhere
To a man most beneath her.
Cycle of rejection goes on.
Even when I know for a fact.
Liking someone doesn’t guarantee they like you back.
It’s hard to be friends.
It’s hard to be friends.
When she smiles.

Haunted,
To this very day,
When I saw night,
Under the blue moons blue.
A demon, young as me,
Beginning to spread its wings,
And take off to flight.
And as he majestically spread,
His evil bearers,
I understood the regality,
He must once have carried,
Demons were once Angels…
And that’s what makes them scary.
That something so good,
Could turn so evil…
He attacked viciously,
Everything in sight.
His anger and wrath and lust,
Had no respite.
Until he awoke,
For he was awake but sleeping.
And saw his hands,
Looked quite like mine.
And those eyes which even still,
Were burning…
Looked similar to mine.
And those wings on which he flew on,
Which were never actually there,
Disappeared.
And suddenly I realized.
Where there used to be an Angel,
Now was me,
A Demon.

Do you think I've changed,
If so do you think I've changed for the better?
Am I better man now?
Am I a man at all?
Are these questions even meaningful,
Or does death's irreverent embrace,
Make it all irrelevant.
Tell me for as smart as I am,
I am unknowing,
Just gently stroke my cheek,
tell me I've grown.
That the fairy tales were all true.
And that my moms really not dead.

I heard it said once,
"All love is tragic,
it dies so very young."

I look at her and
I close my eyes,
And oh where my imagination,
Send my eager mind,
The wiles versus my wills,
oh those hills they bind,
Men like me, like demons versus the Lion,
Exorcized, exorcized,
Yeah, but I am Legion,
if they beat me one time,
Oh, next time, time,
They'll be mine.

And those mountains of lust,
That once seemed unclaimable,
Unclimbable like Everest before
Edmund Hillary, like the Sistine Chapel,
Before Michelangelo, oh I will persist,
I will pursue, with the littlest smile,
And the darkest hue,
Where after many days fight,
Suddenly. Then, in the night,
when alas my victory is won!
My prize I will take,
And her pleasure I will reign.

Every time I se her name
On someone else's face
I want to cry and die