hey kitten
come here,
you know i love you, right?
i really do very very very much,
im not going anywhere,
the way you look at me makes my heart skip a beat,
i love the feeling,
the way you look at me is like when a little kid has eyes on something they want, get and end up loving so much that they never wanna lose it or let go,
i love the feeling,
the way you hug me....

so warm,
i love it and so gentle <3

the way you kiss me...
***.. you take my breath away each time and my heart always starts racing, it doesnt stop racing for a long while.
i love it,
i love you our lips dance so smoothly,
i never wanna stop,
its addicting <3
the way you make me feel is the feeling iv been looking for
you make my path brighter,
when we slowed kissed that night and i started crying, its cuz i was feeling like:
“***, i finally got what i wanted, i never wanna let her go. iv been through hell and i got what i deserve....her”
like that...
i love you,
nobody made me feel like that.
the guys were like FRIENDS,
the 3exgfs  were the ones that ruined me,
#1 did the most damage,
while the other 2 just played me around,
and all 3 of them told me they dont deserve me and to find better. the first 2 i didnt listen til the 3rd one i was like ok
and then....
there comes you,
the girl i will not stop choosing,
the girl ill love with all my heart,
the girl i can imagine living with and everything even tho we known each other for a short time.... time means nothing to me sometimes... all i know is ,
ILL NEVER STOP LOVING OR CHOOSING YOU

If only i had a guitar and knew how to actually play it,
id sing u a song….
even tho im not the best singer.
Id play u a lullaby at night.
Id sing u a song to make u smile.
Id sing you a song just for fun.
A world without music is just EHH.
If only i had a guitar and knew how to actually play it, id write you a song&sin;; it just to show how much u mean to me…

Dear Babygirl,
I here try to right a poem
I may not do so well,
but imma try anyways because youre my girl.
The first time i met you in person,
My heart whispered to me,

“I know shes the one, just wait and youll see"❤

The moment you first kissed me,
i did not see that coming

"I told you i told you, Shes the one,…youll see.."❤

Your hand fit perfectly with my hand,
I held your hand with pride,
cuz i knew you were mine.
When i first looked into your eyes for the very first time….
id let you see yourself through my eyes, and youll see the beauty i saw within.

"Oh wow, i told you heart skips a beat Shes beautiful"❤

When i first danced with you,
i love how smooth u manage to move when i pulled u close and placed ur arms on my shoulders and neck,
its like you knew those few dance steps.
When we were in eachothers arms…
It felt as if i was home sick for so long….
that i finally got home…

"Im telling you again, shes the one, youll fall deeply in love with her, just wait and see” ❤

As midnight passed,
Oh how things began to happen

I did it alone…
When I got my first heart break last November of 2014, I went through it alone….
At home.
I fell to my knees in the shower crying my eyes out going through a break up & at the same time I felt as if I was shot in the heart by a gun, my heart didnt shatter, it just bled out empty as if there was a bullet hole.
I tried to fix it with a bandage, hoping it can cover up that bullet hole.
It did but it just made my heart feel so heavy that I needed to get blood out.
But I decided to bleed a different way out…
Razors slided across my skin,
Not my wrist, but on my thighs.
I didnt want anyone worrying at home because I didnt want to keep them alert that I was depressed and was really hurting having them see my cuts and think I was suicidal.
Im not suicidal, I just wanted to different way to get rid of the pain without taking off the bandage off my heart that was keeping my heart alive.
I walked during the day feeling dead inside and feeling the burning on my thighs.
Walking around with a fake smile to show I was “fine”
I sure fooled everyone
Late nights are the worst though
when everyone is asleep & im in the dark getting my emotions built up and my heart feeling heavy again….
Tears down my cheeks, trying to catch my breath.
So many memories flashing through my head.
They won’t stop, they never will.
I lose a lot of sleep at night but get sleep during the day if I can.
Sometimes I just wanted to sleep FOREVER because I was going through it alone….
At Home…
Sure iv had friends text me & some took me out when I asked them to help me get out of the house, but I still went through it Alone….
At Home.
1 YEAR LATER
Im still going through it alone…
At home..
BUT doing better.
Im still depressed but less than before.
Razor blades are no longer slicing my skin,
my scars & cuts have faded.
Some still visible while others are gone.
I still cover myself because I don’t wanna get questioned about them.
I usually distract myself with music, drawing & texting my friends.
The sleeping routine has become a habit…

A MONTH LATER on the night of my 20th birthday I hung with my friends making me happy and forgetting about the past. When I went home my small family planned a birthday party with just us 5, before the party started they let me sleep a few hours. Those were my last ZZZs I caught during the day because the day after my birthday I woke up early on my own & was awake all day feeling good :) and since my 20th birthday… NO more overthinking or being unable to sleep and staying awake during the day feeling good :) I DID IT ALONE im not 100% out of my depression BUT im almost out :) I GOT THIS!  -J.Pantoja

heyyy
dont i know you?
long time no see
where were you?
iv been looking all over for you
i missed you
kiss on lips
…I love you <3

we are totally soulmates

our love story was written in the stars <3