Jeremy Landon

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

2:53am

another night without you
the pain inside burns
it burns almost more then the alcohol i consume
drinking to try and forget everything
everything i cant be because the feeling of reject
the feeling of regret
the feeling of the love i wont ever get
i had plans
plans for the future
future with you, a house, kids

now when you run through my mind i feel sick
i get nervous
my stomach flips
i cant sit straight because i get an awkward feeling
because i know you don't want me back
my eyes glaze
tears run down my face
but i have no emotion
i feel no pain

sometime i think if i tried a little harder you would have left
but i know if all you wanted was more effort that's what you would have said
you would have told me that you need a little more love
a longer message before bed
i gave you all that
i gave you everything i had

i didn't have a job
neither did you
but when i got money it would go straight to us
dates, dinner, snacks for the nights that we spent alone
just me and you

now i have a job
i have money
but no you
i go to the movies
i go for dinner
i buy snacks
by myself, without you
i see movies i know you'd like
even if i know i wouldn't

I'm pathetic for being so ******* upset
i realize everyday that its life
that one day ill have love again
but late at night as soon as i lay down to rest
as soon as my body hits my bed
its like my blanket is full of memories we once had
no matter who i love in the future
or who loves me
you'll always be my first
you'll always have the biggest part of me

#love #poem #sad #hate #future #past #me #breakup

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

somebody else

as i was laying in bed watching a movie tonight
i got lost in the thoughts of a girl in my mind
we used to hangout at school about a year ago
we had lunches and after school hangouts
watched movies and drank with our friends

then one day she stopped replying to my texts
i wasn't sure why
it made me upset
then she avoided me at school
all i wanted to know is why she just left
so one day i walked up and said
"what did i do? just tell me that"
she said "there is no reason, im sorry goodbye"
and she fled

now sometimes late at nights i think about that
i think that people leave and they feel no regret
but my only regret is that i didn't act on my feelings when i had the chance
i liked this girl because of everything she said
everything we did
everywhere we went
sometimes id go over just to go for a walk with her and her pets
and since she left there hasn't been a day that went by that she hasn't run through my head

I haven't texted her in a long time
but I'm worried if i do she wont answer
she'll just laugh
i miss her a lot and im not sure how to act

im scared of the feeling of wanting someone around
when my ex left it crushed me
but now that i stopped thinking of her for a second it opened my eyes
made me realize that i can be happy by myself
and one day i will be happy with somebody else

#love #sad #regret #pain #happiness #her #breakup #missing

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

day after day

dear future wife
right now as I'm writing this I'm heart broken
three years we dated only to find out she was bored of me
we have broken up more then once in our relationship
but we always found a way back
this time there is no going back

from this point on my heart will be guarded
everyone that steps foot into my life we be tested
no one will be trusted without good reason
it will be guarded better then the white house
no one will get in unless invited

if you want to be around
you need to realize i may be standing but my souls on the ground
realize I'm broken
it will be hard to trust you're not leaving

but once i do trust you
once i do let you in
you will get all my attention
i will love you forever
i will expect our marriage
i will expect us to have our own apartment and kids
i'll do anything for you
from the day that we meet
until the day that we fade

I'll give you all of my love, day after day

#love #heartbreak #future #hope #relationship #breakup #girlfriend #wife

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

falling

rain drips down my window with a calmness i wish i could feel
I've fallen before but never that slow
when i fall its like rain straight out the sky
falling as one drop
until i hit something
until something hits me
bursting at first impact
spreading out over the surface
connecting with every drop that has hit before
that i was aware of but wasn't thinking about
still falling
falling until i get to a puddle
a puddle of everything that has ever fell before
making me realize that this is it
this is as far as i go until i get ****** back into the sky
until i get high enough
high enough to wait until the next time I'll fall again

#poem #sad #depression #thoughts #ugh

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

[pain]

it was never about what we did
where we went
how much time we talked
how much money we spent

it was about the way you looked at me
how you looked when you were asleep
how you made me stay when i wanted to leave

you think that all i want is *** and you body
but in reality all i want is to have somebody
i want to talk all night and vent about my ****** day
ask how you are twice because the first time you said "im okay"

but now that you've slept with someone else i cant look at you the same
because the thing that i once had
someone else felt that way
someone else had your body someone else made you scream
i know we broke up but to me that's not okay
we cant get back together now because every time i see your face
ill be picturing you with him
in his car
screaming his name

I'm sorry it has to be this way
i cant be here today or tomorrow or the next
i cant feel this pain
i have to end what we have before i end what i have
i need my life to go on
without you in my arms
it'll hurt me for months but it something that has to be done

#love #sad #heart #pain #hurt #relationship #thoughts #you #breakup

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

sometimes

sometimes i think that the blood in my veins is better off left on the floor
sometimes i think that if i wasn't alive everything would be okay to the people around me.
sometimes I'll be sitting on the bus looking out the dark window of all these houses passing and thinking that in every single one of these houses someone else has their own family and their own totally different lives. think about how amazing that is.
but think about how bad that could be. someone else out there feels exactly the way you do when you're sad, depressed or even suicidal. my official instinct when i hear that is "i wish i could help" but you cant.
sometimes you can do nothing.
sometimes thing are out of your hands.
sometimes its okay to be sad, its okay to cry. but you need to have the strength to pick yourself back up again afterwards.

#okay #people #rant

Jeremy Landon Oct 2014

unsaid words

sometimes its the things that weren't said that hurt the most
the times id tell you i love you while we fought and you didn't say it back
when i needed your help and you had nothing to say
when we would fight for hours on end and i would get so angry because you wouldn't say anything. you would sit there speechless and not even paying attention to the fact that maybe i would like to make things better.
when i would call you, you'd pick up but wouldn't say anything.

but sometimes
the times you decided to say nothing we're the best times
like when i would go to your house and need to really cry because how ******* my life is and you wouldn't say anything. you would hold me and kiss my forehead.
the times were i would be so frustrated ranting and rushing around and you would stop me. hold my face and just kiss me.
when i would wake up, say good morning and you'd just smile

sometimes the words you don't say have the biggest meaning

#poem #words #sad #anger #relationship #breakup