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Today I put on that perfume
And it hit me
With a memory forgotten;
Sunken at the bottom of the almost empty bottle.
“Mhm, wow you smell so good. What perfume is that?” You had asked.
I’d been over the moon waxing outside. You had tickled my insides.
So when I’d spritzed that on my neck and inhaled that scent and that memory…
I was glad.
Glad that the bottle was finished.
Glad that there was nothing left to remind me of that moment,
Glad that as I tossed the bottle into the trash, I had, in turn, trashed the memory.
The memory sunken at the bottom of that perfume bottle.
A scent's arousal.
here it comes
the goodbyes drowning my eyes
word by word.
still 3 more weeks,
yet the pain has already been here for weeks.

i try to enjoy every moment,
but my nostalgic soul can't help but think about
the pain, loss, and memories.

it'll never be the same,
maybe that's okay,
but it's so so good,
and i don't want it to change.

i'm avoiding the pain inside
filling my days with plans and words
it worked for a while,
until the pain hit me like a ton of bricks
right in the face.
goodbye.
soon to come
but the sorrow has already begun
My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.
NM
look up
they're limitless
so small i am
meaningless
but they give me
significance

close my eyes. breathe.
they're a part of me
i can almost feel them now

rattle them down
i will
somehow
 Jul 2019 Jasmin Jackson
LN
Sometimes I wish I was born as a boy
my late-night strolls wouldn't be seen as coy.
Sometimes I wish I was born as a boy
at least I wouldn't be reduced to a mere toy.

Sometimes I wish wasn't born as a female
my life story would have been a tellable tale.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't born as a female
my journey wouldn't have been filled with storms and hail.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't born at all
coz there nothing I hate more than being a life-size doll.
 Jul 2019 Jasmin Jackson
zz
You reached for the stars
and put them in my eyes

I keep them locked
behind my eyelids


fearful

that you´ll change
your mind
 Jul 2019 Jasmin Jackson
Theo
"Would you just stop pretending please!
Cause you have a little too much money to be so young and that sad"
No one should be told that (that's kinda my whole point.)
I don't get to read
I don't get to write
I just get to fuss
I just get to fight

I watch as he wastes
I watch as he dies
I don't wanna hear excuses
I don't wanna hear lies.

He tells me one story this time
He has a second for someone else
The story changes everytime
I don't know what to buy.

A little lie here,
A big one over there,
Sprinkle with some truth
And you have got a date.

He does not care
For underwear
He does not care
That it's not fair.

Not fair for Roy
Don't be so coy
You went and stole
His brother's toy.

Had no permission
You didn't ask,
Instead you left
Undone the task.

U won't do laundry,
Won't do dishes.
All you do is
Wish for wishes.

We must do his bidding
We must cater to his
Every whim, must be nice!
Wish I were him!

© From A Poet's Heart
12/5/14
At this point, I never got to sit down and have a moment for myself. My oldest was wasting his life doing nothing.
 Jul 2019 Jasmin Jackson
Shyamu
A loving mother
A rich father
A cute sister and
'caring' friends;

A good life
you would say;

But I know
I am insecured
feeling heavily insecured

Do you know its all
because of
loving mother
rich father
cute sister and
so called 'caring' friends.
you won't feel insecure...it is the people surrounded you will make you feel insecure....
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