when i met you
i didn't think
i was going to like you as much as i do

and i really wish i didn't

j.f

you always say the opposite
But I suppose you only like girls
who are shattered and want to get hurt

you love having your claws gripped deep onto their hips
digging into their skin
making sure that the cuts and the bruises you are creating are in a shape of a heart and that
your claws are so deep in
so that when the blood is dripping onto the ground,
you are facing the ground
smiling
looking at how beautiful it is seeing your name in blood

j.f

it's so terrifying for me to hear you say you love me and see that you do not do a single thing about it I know you are what my heart wants but doesn't need but know that I am so enchanted by you but that now I can't say a single word about this to you ever again because I learned from your words that you and I are not meant to be

j.f

I don't know why I love u so much
you don't even show me
the love I need
the affection I would like
to have from you
I can't feel your touch
I can't feel anything
just the words you say and write
and your voice, oh my sweet girl, that I love so dearly
which keeps me awake
through the cold lonely nights
the voice that I loose sleep too
and the words that I cry too
and it's not that I want to feel
a little weak from another
human being
I just cry
like my body is begging me to cry
like my eyes just turn teary and
water runs down my face
the way it runs down the windows that night
I guess the rain reminds me of you
and how sensitive you are like the rain drops touching the windows so softly
making beautiful kinds of droplets
but oh my sweet angel, all I ask is please don't
ever leave me and be by my side
come to me and
hold me like you did with her
stop filling my rib cage with
false butterflies
just love me like you loved her
and show me the love
you wish you showed her earlier
just please let me be her or
at least pretend so I can feel happy
because you're my happiness
and I know.. oh  I know that
that's the worse thing someone
can do to themselves

j.f

You're still the last thing on my mind
before I go turn off the lights
to go crawl under my warm blankets
and I know
that I really don't love you
but I just enjoy saying I do
because you were different than other girls
made me feel wanted
made me feel special
but
what I didn't know is that I'm already wanted and special
just like you
and the sad part is that
I didn't need you
I just simply wanted you
and I accidentally confused that with love

j.f

I wanted it to be you
I wanted it to be you so badly
but I am not Alice
and this is not my wonderland

j.f

I know that you always wanted
to see a girl that
her eyes shined like diamonds
her attitude's like summer
and the way
she walks is like rain
but you never asked me what I wanted
because if you did
my answer would just be one word



        


                                              ­                       "you"

j.f

I dream of your
                           hugs,
                                    kisses,
and I'm loyal to you in dreams
I dream of your smile
            and again I begin to
                                     fall for you
I also dream that you realize that
I want to be apart of your world
I live in my dreams
and I want to wake up
and give you my real love ...
                               I'm tired of imagining
I want to wake up
    to make it come true
I always dream of you
I have no other option
because only like this my heart lives
I dream that by your side
I can believe again
that I won't lose
But I just can't wake up

I promise you that you deserve better. You deserve someone who will call you late at night just to hear your voice and not let you fall asleep when you're mad, crying wishing I'd call you to tell you what you've been waiting for. I've poured all my poison into you that I can't pour the water to let the flowers grow again and Im sorry I'm really sorry I promise you that once you let go of me you'll be able to find the love that you wanted with me but with someone who deserves all of you

1:08 a.m. - I wish you'd say this to m

i'm jealous of all the people that
can see your eyes glow when the sun stares
can feel your heartbeat when you're out of breath
can see each and every little freckle on your face

i'm terrified that the love you say you have for me
will be gone in a matter of seconds
just when that other girl that can feel your heartbeat
see your eyes glow
that can count each and every freckle you have
will touch your skin
the way i wish i can and you'll love her like you claim you love me
                                                 maybe even more

but it wont be my fault this time
it will be yours and your cowardly way of loving someone

and how in your mind i live 5 thousand miles away from you
when in reality you only live 2 miles away from me

the scars you've had in the past that you can't let go of
you're afraid to feel what you felt for her again
you're afraid to be hurt like she hurt you
but if anything you're not the one getting hurt anymore
i am
and its my pleasure to be breaking from a girl like you ..

j.f

You were
the only
person
to
make
me
smile
in my
darkest time



Now you are the reason for my dark times

j.f

I believe we still exist somewhere in the universe
maybe in a different galaxy or
possibly just behind the moon
fading into the stars  
where all soulmates go when the love disappears
I can see us near the moon
smiling
laughing
and sharing thoughts
the way we were 2 light years ago

When I look up at the sky  
I can feel your blue eyes burning my skin
to the point that I have to squint and wipe a tear
with the hands you wanted to hold

I believe our promises are kept there
running around with their hands held like children filled with happiness not knowing that the promise will let go and crash hard onto the ground, shattering every light that you might have inside

I believe what we had is
somewhere out of reach
where neither of us can ever touch again
and it is as dim as a little star you can barely see in the sky

and although, in this existence  
we became nothing but chaos and shadows in between the woods
we are there, we are alive, we are happy

but we are not in love

j.f//j.v

Don't ever fall in love with a poet
because they will indeed admire and watch your every move
they will write about how the pen marks on the side of your palm when you write
don't ever because they will trace
every single freckle you have on your face and
write about the color of each and every one of them and
describe how they smile so brightly under the sunlight
they will want you to want to know every little thing about them
even if it's just what hand they write with and want you
to be wondering why they write with that specific hand when in
reality it doesn't even matter

the poet will watch the way you dig
your eyes onto that book and your small quick remarks onto the 26 letters all crumpled together and will know that everyday at 5:28 p.m. you smile

they will look deeply into your eyes
to see if they can at least take a little
peak of your soul and they will write
about you like if you were the only
thing they see good in this world

they will want to know what you think
about when you look at them and
see if you also count each and
every freckle and hope and write  
that you do but they will
love you endlessly and they will
show you that they love you and only you

but don't date a poet if you aren't
capable to watch them and
admire their imperfections
when they sleep late at night
beside you.

j.f

I wish you would lie to me
once more  
and say I love you
(please) do as I say and lie to me
I know you can read this
and when you do
(if you ever do)
this is your sign of please don't (come) back
don't put me under your skin again
don't put me in the (back) of your thoughts again
don't  hurt me

(to) infuse poison into my veins was one thing  
but to let (me) die for you instead of falling
knowing we weren't for one another was another thing

j.f

WHEN I TALKED TO YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME I DIDN'T THINK OF MYSELF AS SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO ENGRAVE A PART OF THEM SELF IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER BUT I DO, I DO, I DO AND TOMORROW I'LL SEE YOUR HANDS STITCHED WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU LET ENGRAVE A PART OF THEM SELF AND I'M SCARED, REALLY ******* SCARED THAT I'LL LOOK AT MY PALMS AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT MAYBE IF YOU LET ME LAY ON YOUR CHEST AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO GIVE ME A SUNBURN BY HOW LONG YOUR EYES STARE AND FALL ASLEEP QUIETLY WE WOULD REALIZE HOW EASY IT IS FOR US TO LOVE AND HOW US BEING TOGETHER IS WHERE WE BELONG

There was this girl
who wanted to be a boy
she lied to the one person
whom she claim(ed)
she truly cared for
her words were like galaxies
and she spilled black velvet
poisoning my mind with black holes and when I would ask her about herself her mind was empty
with no answers like the
unanswered questions
about the
universe

j.f

I know that you believe you can't love somebody
I know that the people that mean the most
to you, love you but don't show the affection
like you want them too

So you believe that you can never love somebody

but the way you loved me was unbelievable
you cared for me like you care for that cup of tea

you showed me how it was to care for somebody
I showed you that the way your collarbones sticked out was perfect
You showed me that my imperfections were perfect  
I  showed you how it feels to be yourself around somebody and feel okay

We both showed each other how it feels to have somebody with you every orbit of the earth
                              but
One thing I didn't show you was that it's okay to admit that you love somebody

j.f

I hate
a million times hate
when people say
"people should fall in love
with their eyes closed"

Because when I did
she didn't let me open my eyes

j.f

I'm trying to picture the days we spent in your house hidden from friends so they won't bother our only time together
I dont remember it so clearly anymore
your face is erasing off of my mind so soon

                                     I fear that
                                when I wake up
                          tomorrow you won't be
                       the first thing on my mind

I fear that
tomorrow I will
   forget somebody who
       meant so much to me

                                                          You dont fear that
                                                     tomorrow you will
                                           forget somebody who
                                     meant so much to you

                because it already happened
                                yesterday  

j.f

I still remember
when you first kissed me
and said "I'm scared, why did I do that" with blushing cheeks
but few seconds later you did it again
smiled slowly
put your head down
then finally said
"promise me that even if we kiss 5 billion times it won't ruin our friendship"
I said
        "I promise"
but after 5 billion kisses passed I wish you said infinite kisses
so you        and         I
can still be friends

j.f

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******

j.f

we both knew we were meant for one another
but
we were just two lost souls
grasping for air
searching for a place to fit in
that we never realized
how one day one of us
would just
give up
and
stop trying

then it hit you
you finally realized
that the one you were searching for was standing in front of you all along
but now ..
now it's too late
she is falling for another
while you watch
as she watched you simply not try and give up

j.f

You never loved me
You did not love me
You only loved the attention I gave you
You loved how mad I will get when you ignored me the way you would
You loved the fact that I would drop anything just to be with you and be able to touch you
You did not love me, but oh God, I really loved you

j.f

the day i fell in love with you
the sky was grey
the water looked grey
everything seemed grey... but me

i should have known that the color
was a warning
telling me to not fall in love with you

now everything
is full of color
     but me

j.f

I hate myself
more than a lobster hates boiling water
which is impossible
the boiling water kills the lobster
but just like the boiling water going into the lobsters skin boiling everything inside
is how slowly im taking my own life
with every scar I leave on my skin


    that is how much I hate myself  

j.f

it's been a while since i've heard you say
                                    i love you
so i think about it and if you still love me
                                        like you claim you do
but i dont even know if i love you
like i claim to love you or
                  just the idea of you
and
sadly, that is the worse way to love someone

j.f

I wish I knew who you were
so I can let myself fall,
                                        fall into your invisible arms
get buried into your chest
where your blood flowing non-existent heart is at
fall asleep with the sound
of your soft voice tickling my ear

but I'm afraid of falling,
                                           falling into something
that isn't there
and what isn't there


                                  is you

j.f

I hate how empty I am
because I thought
I had the universe inside of me

but I cried all the black holes out of my veins

the volcanoes inside of my rib cage erupted when you told me you loved me but didn't want me and
the lava flooded out, burning my skin alive and hardened me until I
couldn't close my eyes to sleep

I had stars in my brain
shining bright
but I've burned them all
with all the drugs I've been taking
just to burn you out of my mind

the garden growing at the bottom of my stomach is dead because it seems to be that I can't water them with alcohol  

I had the sun above my head always following me but it's been covered by the gray clouds with no rain making my thoughts turn into darkness

I had the planets at the tip of my tongue but you took them all away with you

leaving me with just myself

I was everything
and then I met you
and you were everything

but now you're gone with all of me
and now I can't find myself in this universe that I thought once was all mine

j.f

I ripped these poems out just as roughly
as you ripped me from your heart
I hate how
you're the blood to my veins
the good to my bye and
I really hate how you grew poisonous flowers in my rib cage
how you entered me like nicotine and
how my lungs are now filled with a grey dark cloud

don't you ever dare say that you never felt anything and
that I once wasn't the light of your life and
that I didn't know anything about you
because we were strangers who
knew each other very well

I loved you more than the sea loves the shore
and you drowned me in a beautiful deep blue sea

j.f

I really do hate
how I see you as this
perfect human being
with a perfect beautiful mind
and you really don't deserve that because you're the worse
you grew poisonous flowers in my rib cage and poisoned me with your mind
drowned me in a deep blue sea and
left me there when you found the shore

j.f

One day I will forget
the sound of your voice  
but not the touch that
your skin allowed
because you never even
allowed me to remember it

j.f

I always hurt the ones I love
with every inch of my aching heart
the ones I shouldn't hurt at all

I walk the streets and
pick the prettiest flower on the ground
and crush every beautiful petal

I always break the
warmest of all hearts
with my terrible careless words
so, if I broke your heart last night
it's because I love you the most

j.f