Don't ever fall in love with a poet
because they will indeed admire and watch your every move
they will write about how the pen marks on the side of your palm when you write
don't ever because they will trace
every single freckle you have on your face and
write about the color of each and every one of them and
describe how they smile so brightly under the sunlight
they will want you to want to know every little thing about them
even if it's just what hand they write with and want you
to be wondering why they write with that specific hand when in
reality it doesn't even matter

the poet will watch the way you dig
your eyes onto that book and your small quick remarks onto the 26 letters all crumpled together and will know that everyday at 5:28 p.m. you smile

they will look deeply into your eyes
to see if they can at least take a little
peak of your soul and they will write
about you like if you were the only
thing they see good in this world

they will want to know what you think
about when you look at them and
see if you also count each and
every freckle and hope and write  
that you do but they will
love you endlessly and they will
show you that they love you and only you

but don't date a poet if you aren't
capable to watch them and
admire their imperfections
when they sleep late at night
beside you.

j.f

If I don't make you laugh on your worse days if I'm not the one that
you go to when you don't want to speak to another human being
if I don't put a smile on your face
just by you listening to my voice
If I don't make your heart skip a beat
when I say I love you
leave me
If I'm not on your mind 24/7
maybe even less
(so it can be an exception)
and if my name is not on your school notebooks with hearts on it
(maybe my name in a light grey)
leave me
run away from me
far, far away
if the thought of you not wanting to speak to me again crosses your path
on days you hate me
leave me
if I don't make you squirm in happiness
even if it's just by the simple word
of hello
and make you the saddest when i say
the simple words of just good bye
leave me
just please leave me
just please do so
because you deserve better and
there is someone out there
who will make you feel
the way I wish I could make you feel

so leave me

j.f

I was gonna write to you again
but then I remembered that you actually dont care a slight bit anymore

so I decided to grab my old pencil instead of my phone and write about you

even though I might have seemed
like I dealt with it perfectly fine like
I wasn't going to miss you
.. truthfully, I miss you deeply
and I've been drowning with the thoughts of missing you since then

but I want you to know
that I still think
you're as lovely as the sunsets
yet as deadly as the dark night

and I don't know if you remember anymore because after everything
we were or at least what I wanted us to be you always said the way I would describe things were beautiful...
that my mind was beautiful...
even that i was beautiful...

and I remember thinking I wish I can tell you how much I truly love you with you by my side because I know you wanted me to

i know i kept my feelings hidden
but when i write..
all hidden is out

what a shame though..
you wont ever read this

anyways, I want you to know
that I am happy that youve moved on
but ****** that you're not happy with me

but know that I'll still
give you my heart, even the moon since it's much bigger than I can ever be, h e l l, ill give you the whole universe even if you don't want to share it with me anymore.
j.f

I wanted it to be you
I wanted it to be you so badly
but I am not Alice
and this is not my wonderland

j.f

I should have known that
when you said I was the moon and
you were the stars

that the moon is soon replaced by the sun

j.f

You're still the last thing on my mind
before I go turn off the lights
to go crawl under my warm blankets
and I know
that I really don't love you
but I just enjoy saying I do
because you were different than other girls
made me feel wanted
made me feel special
but
what I didn't know is that I'm already wanted and special
just like you
and the sad part is that
I didn't need you
I just simply wanted you
and I accidentally confused that with love

j.f

There was this girl
who wanted to be a boy
she lied to the one person
whom she claim(ed)
she truly cared for
her words were like galaxies
and she spilled black velvet
poisoning my mind with black holes and when I would ask her about herself her mind was empty
with no answers like the
unanswered questions
about the
universe

j.f

I hate myself
more than a lobster hates boiling water
which is impossible
the boiling water kills the lobster
but just like the boiling water going into the lobsters skin boiling everything inside
is how slowly im taking my own life
with every scar I leave on my skin


    that is how much I hate myself  

j.f

I hate how empty I am
because I thought
I had the universe inside of me

but I cried all the black holes out of my veins

the volcanoes inside of my rib cage erupted when you told me you loved me but didn't want me and
the lava flooded out, burning my skin alive and hardened me until I
couldn't close my eyes to sleep

I had stars in my brain
shining bright
but I've burned them all
with all the drugs I've been taking
just to burn you out of my mind

the garden growing at the bottom of my stomach is dead because it seems to be that I can't water them with alcohol  

I had the sun above my head always following me but it's been covered by the gray clouds with no rain making my thoughts turn into darkness

I had the planets at the tip of my tongue but you took them all away with you

leaving me with just myself

I was everything
and then I met you
and you were everything

but now you're gone with all of me
and now I can't find myself in this universe that I thought once was all mine

j.f

its so hopeless and i'm so frustrated because i know you wanted me.. on those days i drove 30 minutes just to see you, to kiss you, and to be held so close to you to the point that if you squeezed a bit tighter id lose my breath. i could feel your eyes giving me a sunburn as i watched the television screen and id smile just to hear the words "youre so cute" come out of your mouth. Being together and pretending what we had will last for a long time, that the moment would stand still but at the same time i feel that all of it was just something for you to do on your free time, even though you deny it. i remember a tear crawling down my cheek as i watched your delicate hands making me the same sandwich you made the first day we met all because i knew this was all just going to be a memory engraved in my brain. That in a matter of time it will all just end.

i cant imagine you actually missing me when days of us not seeing each other pass by even though when that happens you send me texts saying how much you miss me, wishing you were with me, and how you hate that you cant have me. (even though its all your fault.) you tell me how you have a feeling that i have no interest in you or that i couldn't care less if we just stop speaking but really.. that's how i feel about you and honestly, i like you way too much; i'm afraid it will scare you

it hurts knowing that in life people come and go all the time. That at any moment you will just be a memory. it hurts knowing that one day you'll just think that i was fun while i lasted but that you never wanted to make me officially yours. you'd only ask me if i was yours when we were on your bed. i want to matter more to you, more than just a text at 3 am telling me how you wish i was in bed with you and how you're thinking of me. i want texts at 7 pm saying you want me to get all dolled up to show me off at dinner. But its selfish and unfair of me to want you to see me as something more when you actually don't, but its okay, even if you would have extended your hand to hold mine i don't think we could have gone as far as i hoped for. i loved us together, i loved our connection, i loved our chemistry just as much as you did.

but i'm excited to hold a girls hand who wouldn't want to let go until its time to let go. i'm glad i haven't been careless with my heart even though i allowed your fingernails dig deep into my heart but i've finally pushed you away and now the holes are bleeding out but ill be okay. they will soon turn into scars.

next time i know not to give all of me to someone who never asked for all of me in the first place..

j.f //j.v

I ripped these poems out just as roughly
as you ripped me from your heart
I hate how
you're the blood to my veins
the good to my bye and
I really hate how you grew poisonous flowers in my rib cage
how you entered me like nicotine and
how my lungs are now filled with a grey dark cloud

don't you ever dare say that you never felt anything and
that I once wasn't the light of your life and
that I didn't know anything about you
because we were strangers who
knew each other very well

I loved you more than the sea loves the shore
and you drowned me in a beautiful deep blue sea

j.f

I believe we still exist somewhere in the universe
maybe in a different galaxy or
possibly just behind the moon
fading into the stars  
where all soulmates go when the love disappears
I can see us near the moon
smiling
laughing
and sharing thoughts
the way we were 2 light years ago

When I look up at the sky  
I can feel your blue eyes burning my skin
to the point that I have to squint and wipe a tear
with the hands you wanted to hold

I believe our promises are kept there
running around with their hands held like children filled with happiness not knowing that the promise will let go and crash hard onto the ground, shattering every light that you might have inside

I believe what we had is
somewhere out of reach
where neither of us can ever touch again
and it is as dim as a little star you can barely see in the sky

and although, in this existence  
we became nothing but chaos and shadows in between the woods
we are there, we are alive, we are happy

but we are not in love

j.f//j.v

I can't sleep at night
there's an emptiness in the dark
that Im trying to get a hold of
and its when you'd keep me
up till 3 am because you cared

It's been 2 months since
you found her and
since we actually spoke
but you're still in my heart and
still keeping me up late at night.
You actually expect me to forget the words, the lies you told me,
our nights, us, you.
You expect me to just pretend none of this ever happened
only because you found her and she now owns your nights

but you know why it's so ******* impossible for me to just let go of you? Because every song, every book and every movie,  reminds me of you
you ruined my favorite things and now I can't even listen to a song because I know you liked it and I would tell you i liked it because it reminded me of your words
now my favorite song is the song I hate the most

you brought me back from hell just to bring me right back in it and oh god I felt heaven for a while and it was all you, it was you, I hate you.
You ****** me up with the phrase "I like you as a friend" after everything you ever said to me I hate you I hate you I can't wait for the day I fall asleep without you in my head, without the tears in my eyes and fall asleep with a smile in my face because I know I deserve better

j.f

I have secrets written down on scraps of paper thrown underneath my bed but you're my biggest I took advantage of you and how you felt when I would make you smile I made you feel like a grain of dirt in my garden and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I thought I was innocent and perfect that I could do no wrong especially to you but it was all a lie I made myself believe and you believe for so long I hate that I hurt you and I hate how I can't take any of it back I cannot stand the thought of you wandering around today or years from now thinking of me as a storm who did not do anything good but destroy it's precious surrounding I really pray that the thought of me does not pass your mind when you are sad and that I'm not pinned in the back of your mind but out of your mind I cannot stand to think that you will remember me as someone who broke you instead of someone who loved you

-something I wish she would say to me.

j.f

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******

j.f

I finally saw you again after 34 days
and
in between those 34 days
I strongly believed I was over you
but then I saw you
                 I remembered
how all your imperfect flaws made me fall for you                        
                 I remembered
how you made my stomach fill with
little
      colorful
           meaningful
                    butterflies
                  I remembered
how your words made my heart melt like wax
and then
                  I remembered
that I'm not actually over you

j.f

I will be on your doorstep
waiting for a door that
I know won't open in a matter
of seconds, even years
you did love me
sometimes you still do
like in songs that you say
remind you of me
in poems you write in your
faded journal with initials
at the end that I don't know of

Now you've hidden goodbyes
at the tip of my tongue
and have printed white ink
"move on move on move on"
on a paper i won't ever dare to pick up

Each time I try to get you closer to me
you push me just a centimeter away
but centimeters soon turn into miles
but even miles away you're
still holding on to me
hurting me
maybe hurting yourself
by stretching your arms so far
soon your arm will numb and
let go from my delicate palm
and when you do
maybe I will be able to finally
let  
      go of you too

j.f

You never loved me
You did not love me
You only loved the attention I gave you
You loved how mad I will get when you ignored me the way you would
You loved the fact that I would drop anything just to be with you and be able to touch you
You did not love me, but oh God, I really loved you

j.f

1) you know you left your favorite pair of underwear at my house, do you want to come and get them?
2) i miss you more than I miss my home
3) you're like a part of me that left and I really want that part of me back
4) you use to call me beautiful, I looked at myself in the mirror, said those words, cried softly because it wasn't your voice
5) i miss your voice running through my skin
6) remember all those times you would call me and tell me you miss me? How come you don't do that anymore?
7) i hugged this tall boy and it reminded me of how you would slouch to hug me, I smiled so widely I was as happy as I was when I was with you
8) the boy next to me smells like you
9) my brother came home and your name slipped out of his mouth or it sure seemed like
10) i miss you.
11) i saw you staring at me and when I went to smile you turned away
12) it got me sad like how when you told me you didn't like me
13) remember that time you kissed me? And you said you hope it doesn't change anything? You lied
14) it's been almost 4 months and my lips still ache your touch
15) i wish you were here
16) we were never in love but oh boy, how we could have been

j.f

Satan is not this red guy
with pointy horns coming out of it's head
holding a pitchfork with it's left hand
he's just a beautiful soul
misunderstood
and
mistaken as an evil creature

j.f

I promise you that you deserve better. You deserve someone who will call you late at night just to hear your voice and not let you fall asleep when you're mad, crying wishing I'd call you to tell you what you've been waiting for. I've poured all my poison into you that I can't pour the water to let the flowers grow again and Im sorry I'm really sorry I promise you that once you let go of me you'll be able to find the love that you wanted with me but with someone who deserves all of you

1:08 a.m. - I wish you'd say this to m

I just want somebody who wants
to ******* mind at 3 am
who doesn't get annoyed by my jealousy and by me texting them
in all caps when I'm happy and
texting them 6 times in a row
someone I can walk with at the park
and stay 5 hours on the swings
just laughing and talking about anything that pops up onto our minds
somebody who isnt afraid to catch me when I fall for them
I want someone who
kisses my forehead
holds my hands and
never wants to let go
I want someone who knows me
inside and out and
knows what I'm thinking just
by glancing at me
someone I can sing along
to the radio with
someone who chooses me over anyone else and doesn't think twice about it

I just really want that to be you

j.f

I always hurt the ones I love
with every inch of my aching heart
the ones I shouldn't hurt at all

I walk the streets and
pick the prettiest flower on the ground
and crush every beautiful petal

I always break the
warmest of all hearts
with my terrible careless words
so, if I broke your heart last night
it's because I love you the most

j.f

you always say the opposite
But I suppose you only like girls
who are shattered and want to get hurt

you love having your claws gripped deep onto their hips
digging into their skin
making sure that the cuts and the bruises you are creating are in a shape of a heart and that
your claws are so deep in
so that when the blood is dripping onto the ground,
you are facing the ground
smiling
looking at how beautiful it is seeing your name in blood

j.f

I dream of your
                           hugs,
                                    kisses,
and I'm loyal to you in dreams
I dream of your smile
            and again I begin to
                                     fall for you
I also dream that you realize that
I want to be apart of your world
I live in my dreams
and I want to wake up
and give you my real love ...
                               I'm tired of imagining
I want to wake up
    to make it come true
I always dream of you
I have no other option
because only like this my heart lives
I dream that by your side
I can believe again
that I won't lose
But I just can't wake up

You're so beautiful with the red full lips
         big curly dark hair  
                 pale white skin
how you say things
that you read from your favorite book
how you stare
                and admire
the moon when it shines in the dark

But why is it that
I can't just concentrate
at those perfect details anymore
But concentrate deeply
at those rigid wrists of yours
notice perfectly
how every horizontal cut is slowly
stopped at the end
because you were too scared to mark
another secret  

I always wonder what happened
to such a beautiful girl?
what is your story?
why is it that you grab a blade
to make gaps on your wrists
to print scars on your skin for a life time?

and I always wonder
that if you knew about
how much I thought of you

if you would stop

j.f

Love of mine
one day you will die
but I'll be right behind
only hoping this time
you'll finally be mine

j.f

it's so terrifying for me to hear you say you love me and see that you do not do a single thing about it I know you are what my heart wants but doesn't need but know that I am so enchanted by you but that now I can't say a single word about this to you ever again because I learned from your words that you and I are not meant to be

j.f

I really do hate
how I see you as this
perfect human being
with a perfect beautiful mind
and you really don't deserve that because you're the worse
you grew poisonous flowers in my rib cage and poisoned me with your mind
drowned me in a deep blue sea and
left me there when you found the shore

j.f

You seem like you
would taste like a
thousand different girls
like you would
feel like the sunlight when
it's 20 degrees outside

you ate hearts like
the wave eats the shore
which now makes me
under the waves
feeling the coldness of the water
not being able feel the warmest of your heart and now I'm washed away like every other wave you have swallowed

j.f

i'm jealous of all the people that
can see your eyes glow when the sun stares
can feel your heartbeat when you're out of breath
can see each and every little freckle on your face

i'm terrified that the love you say you have for me
will be gone in a matter of seconds
just when that other girl that can feel your heartbeat
see your eyes glow
that can count each and every freckle you have
will touch your skin
the way i wish i can and you'll love her like you claim you love me
                                                 maybe even more

but it wont be my fault this time
it will be yours and your cowardly way of loving someone

and how in your mind i live 5 thousand miles away from you
when in reality you only live 2 miles away from me

the scars you've had in the past that you can't let go of
you're afraid to feel what you felt for her again
you're afraid to be hurt like she hurt you
but if anything you're not the one getting hurt anymore
i am
and its my pleasure to be breaking from a girl like you ..

j.f

I still remember
when you first kissed me
and said "I'm scared, why did I do that" with blushing cheeks
but few seconds later you did it again
smiled slowly
put your head down
then finally said
"promise me that even if we kiss 5 billion times it won't ruin our friendship"
I said
        "I promise"
but after 5 billion kisses passed I wish you said infinite kisses
so you        and         I
can still be friends

j.f

I don't know why I love u so much
you don't even show me
the love I need
the affection I would like
to have from you
I can't feel your touch
I can't feel anything
just the words you say and write
and your voice, oh my sweet girl, that I love so dearly
which keeps me awake
through the cold lonely nights
the voice that I loose sleep too
and the words that I cry too
and it's not that I want to feel
a little weak from another
human being
I just cry
like my body is begging me to cry
like my eyes just turn teary and
water runs down my face
the way it runs down the windows that night
I guess the rain reminds me of you
and how sensitive you are like the rain drops touching the windows so softly
making beautiful kinds of droplets
but oh my sweet angel, all I ask is please don't
ever leave me and be by my side
come to me and
hold me like you did with her
stop filling my rib cage with
false butterflies
just love me like you loved her
and show me the love
you wish you showed her earlier
just please let me be her or
at least pretend so I can feel happy
because you're my happiness
and I know.. oh  I know that
that's the worse thing someone
can do to themselves

j.f

i am not in love with you
i'm in love with the way you talk
the way your mind quite works
the way you get things the way you want
the way you say you love me

and i know it sure does seem like i am
with the way i just wrote about yourself
       and the words i wrote with this blue pen
            is actually who you are

but sadly, those are things you're making me believe you are
i'm just in love with the image you made of yourself
and whom you want to believe you are

and frankly, that is the worse way to make someone love you

j.f

It's been 3 months since we last spoke, really spoke.. not just guilty hellos and scattered goodbyes when the clock hits 11
and just like that, you decided to say that we were just friends when you knew we weren't
we couldn't be after what we used to be and my heart shattered like the vase I had on my delicate hand when you said you don't know if you love me anymore

i told you I still had feelings that haven't quite gone away yet and you kept quiet

you had always told me how one day you pictured walking up to me telling me about your day with a sweet smile saying that you will forever love me

you were the only thing that ever kept me as a whole and just so quickly you became the only thing that kept me empty

j.f

the day i fell in love with you
the sky was grey
the water looked grey
everything seemed grey... but me

i should have known that the color
was a warning
telling me to not fall in love with you

now everything
is full of color
     but me

j.f

WHEN I TALKED TO YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME I DIDN'T THINK OF MYSELF AS SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO ENGRAVE A PART OF THEM SELF IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER BUT I DO, I DO, I DO AND TOMORROW I'LL SEE YOUR HANDS STITCHED WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU LET ENGRAVE A PART OF THEM SELF AND I'M SCARED, REALLY ******* SCARED THAT I'LL LOOK AT MY PALMS AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT MAYBE IF YOU LET ME LAY ON YOUR CHEST AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO GIVE ME A SUNBURN BY HOW LONG YOUR EYES STARE AND FALL ASLEEP QUIETLY WE WOULD REALIZE HOW EASY IT IS FOR US TO LOVE AND HOW US BEING TOGETHER IS WHERE WE BELONG

You're right she won't be beautiful forever
you'll destroy her with your acid

when you kiss every inch of her beautiful naked body
you won't be looking into her soul but the flowers growing outside

The acid of your lips will touch her flowers where each and every one of them will die and what will be left of her will be her naked soul and that's when you will begin to run away and someone else would come and start pouring water onto her garden and make her believe she is beautiful once again and when she kisses her, the acid of her lips will **** again but this time she will stay

j.f

Ive never thought this human being can hurt an individual like myself as much as she has
i never thought she can grab my heart and crush it as if i was just the girl next door instead of her allegedly forever..
i never thought she can hurt me and make me shed tears that can fill up an empty ocean
i never thought she can give up on something that was so beautiful, full of butterflies and sweet soft smiles so easily.

I miss your smile, your heart, your gentle touch and the special pet names that would always make me blush even just 2 days before you shattered my heart

i just want you back in my arms so i can make you- you again

Oh please come back ive never been one to pray to God but oh for you? Ill pray for you in this universe and in any other universe over and over again

I hope you find happiness within yourself again
but
i just pray its with me by your side..