like candles we are born in perfect form, some would say, soon to be lit at the wick by passions and hurtful words and then we melt away into the shape we are not destined to take but begin to take and its our aroma that attracts attention, sometimes it's our color but mostly it's that in which we cannot see.

you can't define
you can't testify
you can't feel what's on the inside
you objectify but you cannot
dissect my mind like you can dissect my intestines
i am not a frog in your eighth grade biology class for you to classify
or magnify
i need my thoughts to nullify
so that i
can mollify the things in my mind that escape through the lips that i want to be made into prisons for the criminals that are my words

how can you say that i can resist the problem using my brain
when the problem itself is just that

it is more than fighting fire with fire
it is desire fighting desire
the desire to be admired
to acquire
what is dire for this shell that holds my brain to not expire


the words that escape my lips are not to be abided by
i am biding time
i will falsify what i feel inside to protect the heart that beats in
your chest
not mine because mine is not as dignified
as glorified as your is in my eyes


but it's not a big deal.
it's not worth your worries
it's not worth your troubles or your cares or your calls or your hurries to ask me if i'm fine because i am
i'm fine
i'm fine
i'm dying inside
i'm fine.


but i'm sorry
please don't take it personal
i was having a rough day

Chaotic systems*
Disabled stems
Controlled streams
Dash in seams

Work ain't progress
It's a misused regress
Full of regrets
The greatest dissolution
No vision, just revisions
The mission of bureaucracy
Hypocrisy and autocratic casts
Top cats bumper weighty bonuses
Outclassed in beer bellies
Slashed in pompous waistcoats
What a waste on the coast?

I am not afraid to tell you, "I ain't a ******* robot"
I am not a machine of production and rotations
I am not afraid to tell you, "Go **** your *****"
Give me time to be creative, innovative and autonomous

Chaotic systems*
Disabled stems
Controlled streams
Dash in seams

Be an example, model the sample
Let the leader lead the leaders
Let the leader be the servant
An active weaver of the basket
To hold with the strongest straws
In rows and crows, clinging to all
A negotiator of the common people
A facilitator in times of conflict
Let the worker be dedicated
Passionate, triumphant and trial-led
But the case is, all are in it for the money

I am not afraid to tell capitalists, "Give workers their rights"
I am not a ******* charity mate! Share the faked matte!
I am not afraid to tell you, "Stick it up on your ***!"
**Give me time to be creative, innovative and autonomous

An arch
captain now
golden that  
hale decisively
his boomerang
in Meriweather  
with yet
another season
of fast
that field
his accomplishment
with bent
and pleasure
his penultimate
as his
oracle pray
with peace.

to ask a girl like me,
a deranged sad girl
of what rainbow is to her
is being pretty
being rich
being curvy skinny.
to ask a girl like me,
an insecure indigent girl
of what sunshine is to her
is being loved
being pretty
being pretty.
they said she's the ugly girl with a brain.

Home.
A comforting place to be.
For me?
A place where I can't control what I eat.
Where anxiety grows and encompasses all.
Where my mind tries to determine if I can eat anything at all.
Perfect.
This meal isn't perfect, that meal isn't perfect, can I eat any of it?
This is wrong, so horribly wrong.  Too many carbs, unsaturated fats.
No junk food, no pizza, no desserts, none of that.
But why?
Why does my mind insist all of it's bad.
As though avoiding cake should make me ecstatically glad.
As though proving my control makes me a better person?
Better person?
All it makes me is mad.
Yet these thoughts don't stop.
Even though they're not true.
If I can't succeed at this,
then at least I have food.
But wait!
An accomplishment, that it is not
Because when you get good at it your brain starts to rot
If that isn't the answer, then tell me what is?
See, that's the problem.
There isn't.
Life has no right or wrong, each decision is one decision.
Extremes are not good.
Restriction is not an accomplishment.
Control is not necessary.
Then why do I crave it?
I crave rules, regulations, please tell me what to do.
I want to be perfect.
And as long as I desire this,
the real me,
whoever that is
wherever she is,
to her prison she is doomed.

This isn't a poem and it's not meant to be. I just want to make one thing clear. This is more of a rant so ignore this if you'd rather not read. My girlfriend broke up with me tonight. She keeps telling me I'm an amazing guy that I'm a great guy. But yet she's leaving me. For another person nonetheless. The things that does to a person... To be told that they're so amazing that their girlfriend is about to leave them behind for somebody else. I really don't know how to deal with this. I'm trying not to just stay here in my brand bawl my eyes out.