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Yana Kim Oct 2020
I don’t want to move
All I want to drink is *****
All I want to do is snooze
I think the screws in my head are loose

My room reeks
I haven’t cleaned for weeks
My body’s turning weak
But my family didn’t hear a squeak

I don’t know when it started
Suddenly my life went upended
Am I becoming a sloth?
Or living is just a bore?
I don’t know what to feel. I am freaking tired.
Yana Kim Oct 2020
My heart beats fast
There’s another email blast
Did not even break my fast
Until when this will last?
I want to sleep so badly
But even in my dreams it’s deadline I see
Until when I’m gonna be
As busy as a bee
Working overtime today
Yana Kim Apr 2021
Lust,
Indulge in
Vices,
Enjoy.

Love,
Idealize,
Valorize,
Embrace.

Lust but don’t forget to love yourself.
Indulge in idealizing yourself.
Vices can also be valorized.
Enjoy and embrace who you are

Live your own life.
Yana Kim Apr 2021
I feel like I’m being swallowed
By the world who is a glutton
It devours those who are weak
Someone like me
It squeezes me tight
So that I can’t fight
My bones are broken
So is my soul
No chance for me
To become whole
Yana Kim Oct 2020
Hahahahahahaha
I laughed out loud
They laughed with me
They felt so happy
But I felt empty
Normal me
Yana Kim Oct 2020
She faced the mirror
It said “pretty”
She faced the man
He said “beauty”
I faced the mirror
It said “empty”
I faced the man
He said “sorry”
When his opinion matters most.
Yana Kim Oct 2020
When people say depression
What they imagine is someone forlorn
But you will never see me frown
They could never tell I am down

Am I good in acting?
Or is it on lying?
My smiles and responses are automatic
You can never tell I am a lunatic

Will someone discover
The truth down under
No time to discover
Till I am six feet under
When will they know?
Yana Kim Oct 2020
So they all say
It is such a beauty to welcome the day
What a beautiful sight
If you experience the sunrise
Oh, what a beautiful lie!
As sunlight streams through my room
Instead of happiness it is gloom
I close the curtain, open the bottle
Another tablet, a failed battle
Insomnia *****
Yana Kim Nov 2020
Everyone around me is deaf
They can’t hear me scream for help
I guess everyone is also blind
They can’t see that I’m in a bind
They go in their own merry way
They all left me, no one stayed
I guess I’m invisible
No one could see me nor hear me
I guess I’m invisible
It’s time for me to turn to rubble
You’re struggling but  no one can see nor hear.
Yana Kim Nov 2022
I am seldom alone
Always with a lot of people
But when I am in a group
I feel like I’m not in the loop
Introvert living in the outside world.
Yana Kim Oct 2020
I wish, I’ve never read
Stories that always end
In happily ever after
Coz reality is my forever nightmare
I don’t want to wake up
Coz my reality is so ****** up
Sleep is my escape but most of the time, sleep escapes from me.
Yana Kim Dec 2020
Never again will I love
If it’s not reciprocated
Never again will I give
If it’s not accepted
Never again will I contend
If it’s not worth the end
Never again will I swear
To never love him again
Because it is all in vain
Yana Kim Oct 2020
“Bang!” one word in the novel
It killed the man
“Sorry.” one word uttered
The man killed me
Mindless thoughts
Yana Kim Oct 2020
You smile but it still doesn't hide
The hurt you are feeling inside
Hiding your tears, hiding your fears
But it’s your sobs at night I hear

You've cut your hair
Just to show you've gotten over her
Oh, you love to pretend
That you have gotten over her

You've gotten a new girl
Do you pretend it's her?
You tell us its over
That you have gotten over her

You have drown yourself in cheers
But you can't hide the tears
Coz its all pretend
Your love for her didn't end

You see brown instead of blue
Need I remind you?
Oh, you love to pretend
That you have gotten over her

You tell the world you have moved on
But you still keep singing her song
It’s her face you see when the lights are off
I heard you whisper her name when you drank your *** off

No need to tell the world
I can see it on my own
You've never let her go
So just pretend, don't let them know

Don’t let them know, but here I go
Pretend that I don’t know
There was never me and you
Pretend is all I know
A toxic relationship.
Yana Kim Dec 2022
I am already the protagonist of my own life.
Why do I want to be an antagonist in another’s life?
Some call me selfish and yes I am.
I already have too much problem on my plate,
So I couldn’t stomach others’ too.
Don’t force me on your delusions.
I don’t care about you and so should you.
Yana Kim Feb 2021
Life is a journey
Not a race
No first place nor last
We don’t have the same finish line
Walk or run
It is up to you
Don’t push yourself
If you can’t keep up
Take a break
Take a deep breath
Better stop than hit the wall
Yana Kim Nov 2020
That kind of feeling
When you wanted to write something
It is so great in your mind
But end up staring at a blank page. 


That kind of feeling
Being so hungry
Yet you can't keep food in your stomach
Just the thought of food makes you want to throw up.


That feeling when your eyes get so heavy
But you still can't sleep
With your mind being so active.


That kind of feeling
When they laugh at a joke  
You know it is funny but you can't even smile. 


That kind of feeling
When you know something is wrong but you pretend to be okay.

That kind of feeling that you've been hurting for so long now you feel numb. 
That kind of feeling of giving up
Yana Kim Sep 2023
Sometimes even laughter can’t heal
The sadness that deep inside I feel
I don’t even have an appetite for a meal
I just wanted to get out of my life for real

Then I found a video of your journey
I suddenly found a reason not to be lonely
Although you are living far from me
But you’re the reason I’m still here

You may not be a doctor, but you’ve saved me
You may not be a compass, but you’ve guided me
You may not be a medicine, but you’ve healed me
Thank you for existing, Jihoonie
It’s a Teume thing
Yana Kim Oct 2020
Sometimes, it is the thing
That rolls down your throat
It cures your thirst
Sometimes, it is the thing
That rolls down your face
It thirsts for cure
No stopping the tears from flowing
Yana Kim Oct 2020
What if I said yes to him,
Would I still be single now?
What if I took the board exam,
Would I still be a loser now?
What if I never accepted this job,
Would I be successful now?
My life has uncertain future
But one thing is for sure
I am such a failure.
Gibberish truths
Yana Kim Mar 2021
The decorations still hung
The glasses unwashed
But silence reigned
The laughters stopped
The cake is gone
What loneliness it has become
Yana Kim Mar 2021
I was laughing
Playing games on my phone
I was giddy
Reading that romantic book
I was optimistic
Planning tomorrow’s  getaway
Then just out of the blue
My heart’s getting crushed
The violent beating doesn’t stop
My mind is getting away
The future is getting astray
My lungs is getting heavy
I took a deep breath
But its not enough
My phone pings
Another message ignored
My tears just fell
It’s getting harder to control
It creeps in
What to do?
When anxiety strikes

— The End —