No,

I’m not

okay

I still think about you

each

****

day

Every thing we used to
say

Is still

replaying

in

my

head.

When I was young,
I thought love was stupid.

Why attach yourself to someone with such,
aggression,
adulation,
addiction?

Someone gifted me attention,
though,
and I fell in this love.

I’m still not certain whether I was in love,
with you,
or the words you said.

But I was in the worst sort,
of love.

They didn’t love me in return,
I tried to convince myself that was fine,
I don’t need to be in love,
That’s when I learned.

I learned why love poems exist,
They aren’t for the lover,
No one wishes that type of embarrassment.

They’re for the author,
Because no one will ever know,
What your love feels like.

Except for you,
Only you.

Trust me when i say,
I never thought I'd admire you.
Silently sitting there
Waiting to catch that sparkle in your eyes.
Your smile; so perfect, so white.
I'm at a lost when you're in my head.

We talked and laughed together.
Talked about relationships and school.
Maybe it was the way you looked at me,
or the fact that you even looked at me
But I wanted more from you,
More than the school hallways.

I still have your notes,
That we passed in Math class.
Do you remember them?
I remember how flattering it was
To watch you beg for homework answers.
I gave them all to you,
expecting a little something in return.
I gave you everything, you gave me nothing.

I truly loved our flirtationship
That is what I liked to call it at least
You gave me butterflies and I developed a crush
You had everything you ever wanted
Even a pawn like me.

Its been years now,
And it still hurts; rejection.
But I have one more note to pass
I'm no longer the girl admiring you from afar
I'm the beautiful woman...you lost
But, don't mind me
I'm just writing you away.