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jas Jan 2018
a bottle of wine
due after a long day
as I pour myself a glass,
set aside on the table
a box of matches
and a vanilla scented candle
anticipating the aroma filling up the room
a silky robe,
pressing up against my soft skin
after a warm hot bath
this is bliss
I wish it would never end
day 14 of 365
jas Jan 2018
that face in the mirror simply cannot be me
for the most logical reason I can think of
for one, I do not look merely as admiring as her
nor can I compete
confidence
a thing I lack indeed

when I meet someone new
they do not jump at me
not really and so I have to ask myself why
am I not built like the rest
indifferent

trust issues
indefinitely
mind freaks when you talk to anyone but me
isn't that funny
day 13
jas Jan 2018
a soft kiss on the shoulder blade
cold brew up on the window sill
what a perfect duo
me and you

except , feelings creep back into my membrane
my heart sinks fast, feeling ill
goose bumps have me thinking
just for a cheap thrill
intoxicated with alcohol

call me a cab,
im drunk to walk
if im doing the right thing, why must I feel at fault?

of course, you beg me to stay
baby please, one more minute
forcefully grabbing my wrist
'stop', I say as I clench my fist

it was a good night
up until it wasn't
why is this scenario so constant

*** crazed lifestyle
tell me, is it worthwhile?

longing for romance
young love
perhaps
not with you
& not when im done a fool

all must come to an end
on a last whim, here's one last kiss
and im gone
like the wind.
day 12 of 365
jas Jan 2018
you can pick me out bc i'm different from the rest
but you may notice i'm quiet so im not what you'd expect

imagine a pretty portait hanging on your wall
it's expensive
so i kno you'd protect it all costs
it would not be so pretty if it should fall
well that's where you got me wrong
because i've fallen at least 12 times but i got back up 10.
although that's less than what i like to pretend
bet you would never notice my life coming to an end

picture perfect
nobody thinks i'm worth it
live everyday to the fullest
how can i do that?
when everything you say shoots right thru me like a bullet
i'm useless
but y'all see me as independent

i know i put on quite a show
tell me , horror story? or fairytale?
just depends if all ends well
but i can't escape my fate
will someone tell me when it's too late?

i've been lost for so long
i've been in a song
it's on repeat
who put this on?

this songs loud
but i never sang
these lyrics came
because of my pain
so call me deranged
or what you must
but a pretty picture is what i am not
nonetheless

so tell me is this what you expected
what'd you learn in this lesson
to not judge a book by its cover
oops a painting by its artist
tell me what you discovered
you being the smartest
of this portrait
it's me
i'm tarnished
by the darkness
but regardless

i'm picture perfect
hanging on the wall
pick me out
am i the fairest of them all?
thought so
now put me back before i fall
day 11 of 365.
jas Jan 2018
stuck
in a blank mind
going 360 like a carnival ride
i start questioning life
eating up my time

does anyone ever notice
that inside i’m broken
over words left unspoken

hiding.
feelings misguided
& undecided
stuck.
day 10 of 365
jas Jan 2018
all this time
my whole life has been a lie
from deep inside
living always felt like a crime

you might be like me
but I am not like you

self defining
im only into me
conceded
but its reality
this is my life
that we're talking about

so i'll chase after my dreams
i'll find ways
no more make believe
im self defining
me
myself
and I
day 9 of 365
jas Jan 2018
you can give your whole heart out to people.
and they destroy you.
walk all over it.
it's useless to them.
and walk away from the disaster that you are now. hurt. betrayed. alone.
hiding behind a mask but only for so long.
the tears come down bc you can't hold them in anymore.
you can't be strong.
can no longer hold on.
to anything but reality. & that's not really living
so many disgusting people in this world
so few i keep in my circle
well really just two
that's less than a few
karma comes around
& seeks the truth
so i'll worry about me
& i'll let things be
here's another poem
bc of a tradgedy.
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