Was I *****?
Maybe I wanted it?
That intoxicated girl,
She must have said yes.
But that girl was me.
I did not say yes.

Was I *****?
only a vague memory of the night
But the morning, a vivid reality.
Waking up naked in my bed,
To a strange man walking out my door.
Thanking me for sleeping with him.
But I did not say yes.

Was I *****?
He seemed like a nice guy.
Maybe I fell on the walk home.
That's why there was blood and bruises,
On the most intimate parts of my body.
He did take me back to my room.
But I did not say yes.

Was I *****?
The memories will forever haunt me.
But months of hell and healing,
Have led me to realize:
I did not say yes.

I was *****.

****
isn't always dark alleys
and whistles
and pepper spray.
It isn't always
a stranger,
they don't always
look dangerous.
Whether it is
your boyfriend
or your teacher
or your uncle,
they are no longer on your side.
This is your attacker.
Do not be silent.
Do not be afraid to make a scene.
Whether it is a movie theatre
or a street corner
or your bedroom,
yell,
scream,
curse,
bite,
spit,
let no resonate from your lungs
so they cannot say they didn't hear you.
Send him home,
tell your parents,
tell your friends,
tell the police.
****
is not always
drunk men outside bars
or keys clenched between white knuckles.
Sometimes **** is silent.
Do not be silenced.

My heart
it beats at a steady pace,
but when I see you it leaps off the charts

That was then,
Now,
It’s a different and new feeling,
It keeps building up inside me.

When I see you,
I see secrets and mysteries as dark as the night,
I’ve never seen them before,
They’re hidden away like the depths of the ocean,
I’d like to find them.

I see the way you get angry,
I see how you bring yourself down when it's not your fault.
I don’t see the old you anymore,
I see someone new.

It’s not just you though.
I feel your pain.
I feel your guilt.
I feel the different person that I have now become,
I have been opened to a new light,
Seen a new life.

All that we have now is
Silence.
It’s a frustrating silence,
That takes away a part of me
Every single day.
This silence,
Is deafening

-the raindrops remind me of waking up on 4th of July feeling lonely.
-my sheets whisper your name everytime i dare to move. i ache.
-my last text from you was 8.12.13
-You are beautiful. and i am sad. We will never work out.
-sometimes i wear red lipstick to see my psychiatrist. I just want to feel strong.
-i sleep for 14 hours and wake up tired.
-the ghosts in my room tug on my curls. they remind me of You.
-i feel tainted.
-oh god, oh god, oh god.
-whilst i sleep the waves rush over my head. i feel peace.
-there have been bugs in my veins since the last time we slept together.
-i am nothing, i am nothing, i am nothing.
-i have been using clever words so You will think i still have a brain.
-i sit in the bath until it turns grey to remind myself that i am dirt.
-i can not be a self love poem.
-You left me drunk and naked everytime.
-i am the beginning of a long, cold winter.
-i am a snowflake amongst sunflowers and children playing.
-Pain. Pain. Pain.
-the ringing in my ears has gotten louder since You said You missed me.
-i will never be Sylvia Plath.
-these walls scream out my secrets.
-i would like to be naked Polaroids and cocktails
but i am £2.31 white wine and ugly obscenities.
-i am an increase of prozac.
-You always mentioned your hate for winter.
-i will crave you for eternity.
-the earth will tremble like my voice. hands. eyes.
-this rain will last forever.

I cried,
I wept;
My heart
You kept.

Yet still
You left
Without
Regret.

I am going to be leaving you in about 2 months.
And oh, how I cant wait for the sort of poems I'll write.

I love everything that's right with you,
And everything that's wrong with you even more.