Sometimes I turn off the lights walk slowly over to my bed and crawl under the covers and let the darkness swallow me whole. I sit there and think about what it would be like to end my life then and there. I know my mom would be heart-broken and Dalton would cry and blame himself for the cuts on my upper thighs and the bullet through my chest and I know David would look at the floor and think what could I have done to stop this and i know my cousin Courtney would cry not only because I would be the first person she has lost in her family but because I am like a sister to her like she is to me. As I lay there in bed drifting away from the abundance of Zoloft I have just taken, I like to call them my “Happy pills,” I think about who wouldn’t show up to my funeral. My dad, that man can hold a grudge.... My brother.... One day he will be just like my dad. Marissa.... We were best friends, but what does that really mean. Sean..... He was like my older brother but I bet I just annoy him. Erin.... She is my best friend from camp but I bet she really just hates me. As I begin to shut my eyes I feel content but then I realize I have to say one last thing, so I pick up a piece of paper and a purple pen and write these words, Mom, I love you. You have always been there for me even when I was wrong. Maybe now that I am out of the way you Dad and Douglas will get along better. Dalton, Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Staying up with me and making sure I was okay and remember this was not your fault. David, We’ve had our rough patches but YOU will always be my best friend even if you don’t like me no one would ever take your place. You’re one of a kind and will make it far in life. Courtney, you are going to grow up and be beautiful, I hope you remember I will always be your big-little cousin. Dad, I am sorry that we couldn’t get along but now you wont have to deal with my imperfections. Douglas, good luck with everything you are a smart kid with a lot to offer the world. Now that I have written these final words I set down my purple pen and drift to a place where people can’t hurt me. As I start to dream I see my mom slip back into her depression she no longer loves dad and to her Douglas doesn’t exist. I see Dalton, will Dalton’s grave. He ended up over dosing on those drugs I told him to stay away from. I see David on Facebook opening and closing the chat box, he needs someone to talk to. I’m not there. I see my cousin she’s grown up to be so beautiful. Captain of the soccer team senior in high school but then when she goes to bed at night she stares at the white board in her room where I wrote, “Hey Court, I love you.” 6 years after my death and she never erased it. I see my dad sitting on the couch not showing any emotion like always but then Douglas walks into the room they sit down and turn on the tv and instead of turning it to sports center they turn on Pretty little liars they always made fun of me for watching it, but then I see Douglas turn to Dad and say we know she’s watching this with us she wouldn’t miss it for the world. Then out of no where I wake up and gasp for air run into my moms room wake her up and tell her mom I love you.