I think, I say, I loved you before -
yes. Picture it: these different
bodies, tangled under different
sheets, you & these quiet moments
before.

I think it started even before
that - right from the moment
you took breath & sobbed.
Don't you see, baby, you were born
mine.

Picture us in the light:
glory haloed, something other
than blood or water, violent
mouths & all teeth, gnawing
right to the bone.

Let me. I'm going to make this as
terrible as I know how.

I mould & ruin you with
these hands, I call you baby,
darling, mine, mine, mine;
I make you a god and nothing
less.

Show me again, my god - there is no
prayer for the way you shudder. Hold on,
wait for me,

I'm going to make you see stars, baby doll,
you're not going to wanna miss
this.

i knew i had to leave him
not because i didnt care, because God knows I did.
but because he didnt inspire me
no words of love came to me when i looked at him
i did not think it was adorable how his nose was crooked
i did not think the way his hair flopped over was imperfectly perfect
i did not think that even in his saddest, angriest, or generally unhappy states that he was still somehow wonderful in a jaw-dropping, ‘god youre still so perfect even like this’ way.
i write poetry, thats what i do
and all i could write about him was how supportive and comforting he was.
it became one sided
being near him was draining;being with him was a chore.
i was becoming the type of person
that he would be writing the sad words about
i was giving him the distance
he could feel in his heart
even when we were together.
and i couldnt continue on like that
i couldnt let myself become a monster to him
one of the monsters even i write about at night.

-

how you gonna lie like that?

-

you stood in my space
swallowed my air
made me feel like i was
living in a bubble
made of mirrors
i thought the world was
slipping out from
underneath me and
it seemed like i'd
fall asleep to your voice
telling me i was
unfair an unjust
cheating on you like
an attention-*****
and i'd wake up
to see you
bless me with your
kisses and your hair
falling on your
forehead
you were just
so easy to love
boy, you are
just so easy to love.

i never cheated on you
never lied, never
went behind your back
there were times
i stepped out to
take a breath of
fresh air because
i felt like i was living
in a room full of
hot air made of your
breath and
it just got too much
for me but
my walk outside
never meant
walking into
someone else's life
and i don't know
how to show you
that i would never
betray you but
sometimes i needed
to just be on my own
and even when i was
on my own sometimes
i just needed to not
hear your voice
in my head
because there were
already so many
voices inside there

but ****, boy,
i never left you
hanging and i still
want to hold on
to the memories and
the feelings i felt
(i still feel)
but ****,
you're going around
telling them i was a
cheat and a liar
as if i was made
of hell's fire
i didn't let you
burn no matter how
many times i felt
like a volcano

-

how you gonna lie like that?

-