there are things inside
that i'm trying to ****,
but my bare hands
aren't enough to push
down the things I'm trying to forget
into the river of the past,
that leads into the ocean

so I find myself at the shore
with these memories as
they wash over me,
in high tides
and i want only you
to hold my hand,
and caress me from
this panic
and make me believe that
somehow everything
will be
okay.

and it gets harder to breathe when the only thing keeping                                                            
me alive is an hallucination of
your fingertips that trace patterns
down my spine
when i awake to find coldness
by my side, embracing me
with its trendils that should have been your
arms. so i heave a sigh as i
try to live with dead weight limbs that
drag me down, and it gets
harder when i search the crowds
for your face, knowing that i'd never
catch the slightest glimpse of my safe haven again
and i try (unsuccessfully) to soothe the stinging
wound of knowing that you left
without saying goodbye.

teeth sunk into the flesh
of a lover,
white dress, pure.

crimson, like roses,
like blood
both intoxicating;
sweet, sickly

eyes blazing,
like fire.
raging with hatred
that fills the heart of
a broken down soul

the promises that were made,
abandoned, like the lover
you left at the alter  

                                                        ­      ( “i do” , as love spews,                                                     with blood
                                                           ­           out of the wounds
                                                          ­    that your hands claw at)

These violent desires,
are what i'm trying to hide.
I dream of nothing else,
but being by your side.

These violent desires,
are what kills me inside,
as my thoughts race and eventually
come back to nothing but,
the feel of your body,
flush against mine.

These desires, violent
oh so toxic like the taste
of your lips and the feel
of your fingers,
brushing, tracing
the skin down my sides.

Leaving me with the feeling of a fragile spine

fragile,
Easily broken.

like my heart,
when you left and
said
that you didn't
love me
anymore.