Can we say that *****
is a  million baby lives
and if I am the Demon
then you were my strife

Can we say that *****,
should never touch the floor,
A million tiny babies,
Save them! I implore.

I am not a *******
I find pleasure in just such
But if you want me to be impressed
Just try to win my trust

And if your ***** leaves you
For better or for worse,
If I am leaning into you
If we are at the church

and if you want me to
If you have that thirst


I will take your life, an essence
A precious serum for truth
A billion tiny babes,
the key to capturing youth.

We can make our own world,
a Code a mind to train.
You can be my childs father
I will bare your mothers pain.

Just empty rhythm A talent to feel
An empty prison but who did I ****.
Addictions listening to every word I utter
I swear I won't be like my mother.
My mother, I haven't seen her in a while.
No its not a joke but i can't help but smile.
She was darkness to me as a child
Probably still out there running wild.
She lead me down the path of destruction
Told me stories of hopeful abduction.
Leaving this place bleeding out whole
She fed my sickness, never fed my soul.
Sixteen years and ended up a ******
she raised me like her, junior high drop out flunky.
Except she had a chance a nursing degree
She had a life, but that was before me.
And I made it worse, just by being born
SO she called the hearse said I would learn.
I struggled alot with her hateful infliction's
She fed me all of her fateful addictions
Read me her poetry old soul in that *****
She was a genius with wrists that were stitched.
Just like me and she saw and knew it
Saw my eyes and knew I could do it
So she knocked me down, surely trying to ****
Beat me brutally only till blood would spill
And after she would come to me
"Baby I'm sorry buts a ****** up world
And one day you'll part from me.
But your always my girl and I never meant
To cause a train wreck but in this life
Women swing by there necks
Its full of strife and we never win
And you'll be lucky if never know men
I have to make you strong,
so you can bare the weather
Lifes masochistic you can smell the leather
I love you more than any man
And if your smart you'll never give your hand
I beat you down so you can fight
Cause from the ground we gain our might
Women are disposable but we regenerate
Baby I love you but this worlds full of hate"

Spittle dribbled from the chin
Quivering skeleton breaking at bend
Terrible timing for all of you to see
Terrible minding I've fallen to My knees.

In the weakest of moments
You'd label me then
In the weakest of states
You'd count all my sin.

And it shows your insides

Images and voices accompanied with  a certain feeling.

I've never seen a face or saw the being.

But He moves in shades of pine and images of cut wood.

Glitter in the air and whispers in my ear.

Am I insane i ask myself?
Is this God I wonder?

Is there some sick twisted joke under all of this...

Am I being played for the fool?

I stood staring in awhe
At spectral lightening birth
And the waters poured all over me
And the lightening crashed on every thing.
You might have thought it was terrifying

But I wasn't scared of dying.

I was to busy living

Through the cycles god gave me.

Pastels fade into eachother
And then white
With no nuance of shadow
Then light upon light

This is a moment
This a thought
An idea will form
Then so will a plot

My heart will bleed
In the dark blues that appear
Out lines of black
To out line my fears

Red and flesh to show that I'm raw
A painting before you
Of a minds graceful fall

Stand back my dear I am far to hot to touch.
Get away from here, stand out of my clutch.
You dont want this heart to hard to find
You dont want to change this cynical mind.

Stand back my dear, Stand down
Leave my house, and leave my town.
Leave this choking heart to drown.
Stand by my dear.

Stand by my love and watch me rot.
Watch me suffer, while you plot.
Think you'll save me, I can't save myself.

Get away my love You want some one else.

Breathe on me baby, tell me I'm cool.
I bloodied my wrists, you know I'm a fool.
Breathe on me honey you know I'm a mess.
cuts right above the hem of my dress.

Breathe down my neck, smother me alive
Tell me you love and that you'll never die.

Leave me alone I dont want you hear.
I dont want you to hear,
The falling of my tears...

Get away from me love, I am to filled with hate
You want to save me, but my cynicism says its to late

Tell me I'm cool, tell me I'm punk,
Tell me I'm spontanious and filled with *****.
Tell me I'm beautiful bleached blonde and all.
Tell me You wont catch me cause you'll never let me fall.

I can be Sid and You can be Nancy
You can be Jesus and I will be Mary.

The word mother echos in my head
For a beating heart that is now dead
Calls for me from behind psyche walls
Digs into my heart with unborn claws.

Suckles on my love, like it would a breast
Diving in my brain making a nest.
Draining me of energy, happy and smiles
Making me feel that I've murdered my child.

In my brain this little one lives
Totally real and manifested
I think alot of who she would be
What do i know, it could've been a he.

Its tiring now to think of love
When something I created has been sent above.
It's hard to look very far at my future
With this wound wide, needing sutures.

Its like I want a second chance
at being a mother
But I'm scared i would only
Smother

The responsibility would be to much to handle
But each night i hold up a lit candle
Praying to take my little one to heaven.
Since in the womb, she only made it to week 7.

I was told, you know, look its just cells
But when i saw it my heart fell.
I tiny baby just so small
Little fingers made my skin crawl.
Little arms and dotted eyes
I wonder if her soul cries.

Uncover your face
I am sick of knuckles
with glistening whites
showing through the cracks.

You can't hide from me any more.

I adore you.

You count them like the blessings
they fall down from the sky
You wear it like a dressing
and you think you'll never die.

You can cover it up for ever
It rots, hidings not clever
Infection will be coming soon
and you die by the charge of the full moon.

Yes you were pulled into a losing battle
Because you refused to change
and when you slipped of the saddle
You still couldn't grab life by the reigns.

The ocean climbs the earth
and we have learned to respect the tides
But You will turn back to dirt
if thats the place you try to hide.

grogily I move about
sandy eyes in mornings drought
All alone in silence cleansed
All the wounds, in silence mends.

i'm quiet in my head and mind
I am no longer dead and blind
I am no long cynical
My cup is now half way full.

Here it is my crusification
here it is release of affliction
Here it is my hanging cross
suffer now, pay the cost.

Happiness is measured
By the pain you have weathered.

Not until then will you deserve a thing.

The tension in my third eye is unbearable
Most of you could never relate.
But my understanding of the universe is comparable
to the phrase "you've got to much on your plate"

I've taken it upon myself to Remove emotional chains
To let go of anger and hate and to release all of my pains.

I've decided to open my mind
No longer will judgment dwell there.
I am still looking for what I will find
When I learn what it means to truly care.

I want a meanfull life, to live how I want
I want to balance my thoughts and never give up
I want to offer love and warmth a Godly presence
I want to be a person of large reverence.

I am doing the work I am disciplining my mind.
i am reading and studying, quieting time.
I am attempting and failing soon I will find,
A warm place inside me that is all mine.

But the tension in my body is unbearable.
The energy coursing through me is comparable
To a spicket that is set on full
I've opened my eyes and ripped off the wool.

I want to live Consciously
No More Impulsive Instinct.

I'm sitting watching letters fly
Words come  in spurts
I watch the meaning die

These people, they talk
My do I hear them
Toward trauma they flock
what mad delirium

You speak of love, you say
I want it
You speak of life, you say
I love it.

But then you show me that decay
Your breeding
Then you tell me that you'd pay
to stop bleeding.

You are killing yourself
In the name of finding something
Worth living for
and I dont see the point,
I see no point at all.

No I dont get the reasoning
In causing the fall.

Singularly, literally illusion
perspective is the falsness of  i am one.
perspective of me, as if every one else is none.
Like one is me and i matter most
when this individual body is only a host
For the collective thought that I seem to convey
when i reach in to my heart to find the  way
I continue to try and travel
find my way deep in side my mind
I wager internal battles
But there are so many blocks to find
so many different blocks send out sound
vibration. they build fences in my  feilds
put caps on my cups.
They Block my heart out
and they stop my flow up

You draw conclusions on your own time
I'm fit for the shoes I wear at night
and when you see me in your own  mind
You know what I said must have been right.


I have petted to many friends into corners
To many breaks to make ammends
Sell me my own ideas for quarters.
And why would I eat It all up.

They done it once again and again and again.

Service never was required
by those who said they want me hired.
They all know Im really to tired
SO get off of my back.


Why have we given in to this completely embarrasing
totally outdated way of living,  I dont know, I will never know.

She sees life in its glow
she never even stuttered
in the darkest of the  moments
She always simply uttered

"life is beautiful, Life is beautiful, I am lucky to be"

And in the darkness as she huttled, hugging a knee
whimpering tearfully,

"life is beautiful life is beautiful, I am lucky to be"

"life is potential and I am living, and I get to be me"

"and this pain I am feeling, how ever long, is temporary"

"one day things will change I will move, alive or dead"

"and the things that will be left will only have been those in my head"

"Life is potential and I am alive"

"Pain is sufferable, and I will survive. "

You string me like a fish
on the edge of a lake
wanting to swim
but it hurts to take

I see the water and the sun
beaming down
I feel like I am the only one
tied to the ground

Who are you hear, reeling us in
who are you hear, giving our end.

I feel like a fish
strung on the bank
and before i get released
it will be far to late

I sometimes wonder if I am an Angel

Or rather fallen from the sky...

A bad liar could speak truth
If he could at first speak dreams
and Wishes become wants
and wants tie in the seams.

I wish I wanted to be clean
I wish I wanted the best for me
and one day I will find what it means

to be purity

The thought of you eases my pain mor eeffeciently than any narcotic or numbing agent known to man.
You see me and you love and for this I can  never truly express my gratitude.
You have take the girl who no body ever seemed to love.
My friends, my family, I was there for comic relief.
No one saw the sense in me...
But you sweet and innocent showed them all how valued I truly should have been and with that You left them alone, and took me, with you.
I have been chosen, by an angel, by God, By LUCK itself to be given unto the most beautiful of men to walk this earth.
Christ what ever did i do to deserve this happiness in love.
I suppose all those days spent suffering in youth were the bargain.
Deal well made.

You'd like to own the horizon
For its dripping cracks
and its flowing clouds
but your own worth never met half way
with all those people you suspended in your wake.
How crude the time that's passing4
how painful the lessening air
You'd like to own the horizon
in pretending that you care

Dare not to make me enter
Into truth speaking conference
With you I may just let it all
Loose
and then who would keep it tight.

Dear God you know not the things which enter
My mind.
You know not the many ways men have become
So Blind.
You will however wake up, be it now,
in a decade
In a century
and it will feel like a mild injury
assault in the first degree.
You will lick your wounds.
You found out to soon,
Always find out to soon.

I AM antiquity.
The dust of a thousand years covers my cracks.
I leave no one behind as they all have been had

in my wake.

I am the trembling of the shadows moving across this earth.
Each day creates new riffs and each night new notions of fear.

rhythm, idea, rhythm.

Dream build dream.

We have been moving from ice age to tropical forest
from frozen oceans to heated deserts

We weave through out creation moving with the tides
of season.

Summer winter
Day and Night
Micro Macro.

expansion reaches, out of my skull slowly
moves across, above and below me.
Down through my chest, ***** and keeps flowing.
Takes over my whole being with out me even knowing.

Its stretching what ever I am, i know I am not this body
I am puppeting this thing, thats what life has taught me,
and i truly am electric and death wont be able to stop me.
I feel it in the air and I know this body is not me.

So the truth is ripping out and stretching and seeing where it can go.
And I have found a place inside a mind inside a home...

Expansion reaches out ward streches around about and below me.
You should awaken and reach out let your soul get to know me.

If I'm honest, your form captivates me.
The skin wrapping around flesh and skull
I could stair for ever, just shaping you up.
The way it pulls down the neck, Around the shoulders.

Oh you are this creature, whom I adore.

Has it all been uttered?
Are there no words left to say.
Have they truly all been uttered
In a completely better way.
Or am I missing something.
A letter in the alphebet.
If there truly is something
I haven't thought of it yet.

Am I what I want to be,
Or something that needs growth

A hundred feelings out at sea
I need another dose

take the bite and hope you grow
Like alice and the shroom

Walk down the isle no cold feet
Kiss the face of your groom

Slip and slide up to your palace
dig your heels in deep

Look at silly falling alice
won't you watch her weep.

Can you tell me why am I here...
Why have I become, why was I born
AM I any one. Can you tell me my name,
who am I truly.
Open my eyes.

I hate this world and I hate this mind.
I hate these feelings and I want to be blind.
Please stop what your doing, stop dipping in my brain.
Stop all of your healing, Please refrain, Now Refrain!
I will tell you What I like and I will tell you what I want
You can't make me, not tonight, You cant make me love anyone.

I hate this world, and I ******* hate these feelings!

Leave me be  I dont want you.
I dont want to , be anything more
I want death to become me, no given eternity.

Did you ever want to die, just lay your body down and disappear.
That never made since to me, I always enjoyed it here.
But now your telling me, I have better places to go.
If this isn't it, then I wanna go home.
I wanna go home, where ever that is.
Dead in the groound, stress clenched fist.
Dead asleep, wouldn't be better than this.

Oh, your giving into your second guesses
Like so many times before
And yet you went to sleep last night,
with your keys still in the door.

Panic never fills you
when the time is right
Show me all your logic
Darkness ridden in its light.

Betray is such an easy word
an easy form an easy play

Hold me against all this world
For one night for all days.

Beg me for my understanding
Oh I'll give you understanding.
Make me your martyr
I will suffer
ever harder.

I wish i had, i wish to hold.
Extremely tender, when I should have been bold.
I wish i had you in my arms.
Sadly i could not stop the harms.
You have vanished before we touched.
In my heart i have you clutched.
I don't know why i long for you
but its all I ever do.

I'll question the sanity of the world
I'll keep my darker thoughts to myself
I'll pretend trust is real.
I won't breathe.

I won't twitch
I'll stay in line.

Sweet chatters clinge to the drum
The voice spoken in the other room
It always tantalized the less critical
it echoed in their heads fading always to soon...

Some left it where it was
and others brought it with them
I always tried to keep it close
I always tried to hide it with in.

Its psychedelic to lay with you
So I close my eyes.
I watch the darkness come over you
As you slip beneath the lights.

You seem so beautiful
in shades of black and blue
It seems so magical
To just lay here with you.


Its like your glowing
Eyes closed but view is flowing
I can see you in this darkness.

The serpent comes out to coil
Its up and down our spines
She lets us know we are royal
As she dances in curved lines

The Serpent fills me full
I can surge it into you
I can feel you pull
We both know what to do.

Ascension happens here,
In this loving bed.
Ascension happens here!
Not later when we are dead.

Broken based and left no fixing
Such fast paced morals mixing
Limping tired torn and welshed
You fake in front try to embellish.
Wings wont waft the stink away
Broken feathers stuck like clay
You wish to love me, no or nay
Crazy girl stuck in minds play.

You love me
With ever drop
of saliva
and tears
and *****....

You love me with ever severed vein
and bruise I put on my own face.

SO dysfunctional
when I punch myself
Like mother always
had done for me.

And I bruise pale greens
and people ask who hit me
and you cringe cause you
know exactly what their thinking

But inside we both know the truth
I hit myself I Abuse my youth.

The flesh is enlarged, bigger than the mind
I am afraid we have forgotten what to find.
And in all of this confusion I still Lose the sight
In all of this ruin,  I can barely fight.

She likes warmth and venom
She says it stings inside
and when you try to lift them
All the bugs crawl and hide

But dont you ever question
where they crawl off too
I know I have been wondering
What they ever will do....

Seems they burrow under
Layers layers of rotten flesh
from trees and plants
and birds and things.


You know I have always wondered
Where they ever will go
when i turn a rock over
and crouch down real low
and all those little bugs and salamanders
run for the hills
they climb inside of holes and caves
it must be quite the thrill
to live with in the earth
a cavern safe and sound

Buggies little slimy things

I see them and my heart pounds.s.

Edgy yeah thats the way I have been
Sick and ******* tired of trying to be a friend.
Tell me now, have you felt that way before.
And if you have, could you tell me something more?

Are you the one always trying to make peace?
Are you the one constantly kissing others' feet?
Are you the one simply wasting away
While you sit and listen to ever one elses day?

**** that, You've been to good to them
And now its time they try to be a friend.
You've listened to their problems, whiny *******.
But if you try to share your art or poetry they wont sit.

They wont listen.
They have better things to talk about.

They dont care about your problems or how you've turned them into art.
They are just waiting for you to shut up so that they can start.

God i ******* hate selfishness.

A snake wich bares its teeth
and sprays a milky sap
grab its tail by the stream
don't let it turn back

Yesterday was groovey
but now is such a face.

When I saw you in the movie
I was hoping to slow your pace

When I saw loving others
when I saw you smiling there
when I saw you under the covers
I wanted to touch your hair.

And now I am so glad,
I missed those sharp fangs,
and that white sap
I am so Glad,
I didn't get bit by that.