I'll question the sanity of the world
I'll keep my darker thoughts to myself
I'll pretend trust is real.
I won't breathe.

I won't twitch
I'll stay in line.

Oh, your giving into your second guesses
Like so many times before
And yet you went to sleep last night,
with your keys still in the door.

Panic never fills you
when the time is right
Show me all your logic
Darkness ridden in its light.

Betray is such an easy word
an easy form an easy play

Hold me against all this world
For one night for all days.

Beg me for my understanding
Oh I'll give you understanding.
Make me your martyr
I will suffer
ever harder.

Its slipping all away from you,
one twenty years and things have past
how did it all move so fluidly
and things you never thought you'd leave
are now long forgotten in photo albums
and vhs tapes.

How time fades into the eons of some one elses heritage.
Did you lose or did you gain?
How could we ever know....

I broke that middle bone
the one they call the spine
It fell apart today
while I stood in line.

I was waiting for some love,
or some appreciation
I broke my back to day
in mid frustration

while i handed my pride to you
and begged that you would keep it

Keep it clean for me,
cause later i would need it.

My back bone broke, it even might have bleeded.

and with out that stupid thing i dont think i ever would have
succeeded.

So now that my back bones gone
my spine has dissapeared
I guess i will just wither away
This is always what I've feared .

Cheap skinny insecure. tell her who she is.
If she thinks you love her your bound to get a kiss.
Mangled broken ***** girl where has she been.
Promise her freedom and she'll forgive your sin.
Beautiful weak broken nails,
 tired oh so sick
 listen to her heart beat listen to her tales.
Oh so tired and sick
Happy on the outside ***** deep with in.
Staple labels on her fore head, stick em in with pins.
Shes so so stupid and shes so so lame.
Shes been so so good, while in such such pain.

Cheap skinny insecure. Tell me who I am.
Broken down little girl, ******* little lamb.

Cheap skinny insecure locked in my own head.
Halley Layne tired and bored. should have stayed in bed,

She said "your wasted and your wasting time"
She said "your bringing this on yours and mine"
She said "You ****** up and I stopped breathing"
She said "You broke me, now my hearts stopped beating"

He said, "Mine Minds broke and I am about to loose"
He said, "the only thing helping is the *****"
He said " I love you but I love me more"
He said, "i will be the one to clean your blood from the floor"

She said, "honey I need you, and your an hour late"
She said "baby I love you but its turning to hate"
She said "lover I' strong but I'm starting to faint"
She said if you ever get ahold of yourself it will be to late"

And he said "you want me, take me, Like I am"
He said "you say you love but you would love any man"
He said "you want to change me, but thats not the deal"
He said "im telling the truth, and I'm speaking whats real"

She said "dude your a child lost in your own world"
SHe said "I've been here a while but your about to lose your girl"
She said "I've been strong and I conquered my vice"
She said, "now you conquere yours or you leave my life"

I wish i had, i wish to hold.
Extremely tender, when I should have been bold.
I wish i had you in my arms.
Sadly i could not stop the harms.
You have vanished before we touched.
In my heart i have you clutched.
I don't know why i long for you
but its all I ever do.

Edgy yeah thats the way I have been
Sick and ******* tired of trying to be a friend.
Tell me now, have you felt that way before.
And if you have, could you tell me something more?

Are you the one always trying to make peace?
Are you the one constantly kissing others' feet?
Are you the one simply wasting away
While you sit and listen to ever one elses day?

**** that, You've been to good to them
And now its time they try to be a friend.
You've listened to their problems, whiny *******.
But if you try to share your art or poetry they wont sit.

They wont listen.
They have better things to talk about.

They dont care about your problems or how you've turned them into art.
They are just waiting for you to shut up so that they can start.

God i ******* hate selfishness.

She likes warmth and venom
She says it stings inside
and when you try to lift them
All the bugs crawl and hide

But dont you ever question
where they crawl off too
I know I have been wondering
What they ever will do....

Seems they burrow under
Layers layers of rotten flesh
from trees and plants
and birds and things.


You know I have always wondered
Where they ever will go
when i turn a rock over
and crouch down real low
and all those little bugs and salamanders
run for the hills
they climb inside of holes and caves
it must be quite the thrill
to live with in the earth
a cavern safe and sound

Buggies little slimy things

I see them and my heart pounds.s.

I'm severed heads in
sheets for beds
but lane across a high way.

You want me to comfort you
But seen across the fly way

You lift off a stop to short
and end up in the by way.

can i get some more, of that from you,
can you give me.... watterloo.
another set back, who would have knew
, i can't tell you what to do.
if it was a fight, i want to lose,
and if it was a song, I'll sing the blues.
Can you just give me waterloo
i can't tell you what to do
give me give me water loo.
If you can i'd know what to do
18 15 your team my team.
play me win me
wake me from a dream.
waterloo
belguim too.
who knew  he would loose.
1815 your team my team
play me wake me lose me in a dream

Candy soaked and rhythmic
see the words they make no sense
But the feeling that i'm feeling
I swear must exist


time is fully passing and the feeling is profound
like my atoms smashing every time i move my mouth
and speakings coming out, like it wants to feel so proud

but its only atoms smashing when i move my mouth

You love me
With ever drop
of saliva
and tears
and *****....

You love me with ever severed vein
and bruise I put on my own face.

SO dysfunctional
when I punch myself
Like mother always
had done for me.

And I bruise pale greens
and people ask who hit me
and you cringe cause you
know exactly what their thinking

But inside we both know the truth
I hit myself I Abuse my youth.

Its psychedelic to lay with you
So I close my eyes.
I watch the darkness come over you
As you slip beneath the lights.

You seem so beautiful
in shades of black and blue
It seems so magical
To just lay here with you.


Its like your glowing
Eyes closed but view is flowing
I can see you in this darkness.

The serpent comes out to coil
Its up and down our spines
She lets us know we are royal
As she dances in curved lines

The Serpent fills me full
I can surge it into you
I can feel you pull
We both know what to do.

Ascension happens here,
In this loving bed.
Ascension happens here!
Not later when we are dead.

Geometrically eternal
Like a thousand spinning diamonds
Your fish bowl eyes are spiraling
You pisces jesus man.
And I see my imaginary friend
From all those years ago
In my husbands magnetic aura
And I feel a bit like the time travelers wife
As if gods been loving me from the start
I wanted to grow up and marry the clouds and falling rain
Because they new my name
And they looked at me like I was something
To see.

seven seconds till you wake
Holding you until I ache
Seven seconds till you come
Seven serpents come undone.

Seven holes in the seams of the universe
and seven topics for the streams to converse

Seven days until we made it all
Seven tears until a cries a call.

Seven ways to show you love
seven failures, will end in shove.

Seven lies all right to your face
Seven Idols all in disgrace.

Seven Gaping vortexes waiting to be full
Seven lonely women thinking they are dull
Seven sad sadistic lives, all lived once
Nobody ever died twice.

The flesh is enlarged, bigger than the mind
I am afraid we have forgotten what to find.
And in all of this confusion I still Lose the sight
In all of this ruin,  I can barely fight.

Today I accepted whats with in.
This one mind, which is every where.
and I accepted who I have been
and i realized there is no such thing as fair.

Today I opened myself to God and Satan and everything in between.

Because i realize evil is something with in Mans Illusion Dream.

So I'm allowing everything
to just  move through me...

But i still am not aloud to hold on.

I am frightened of holding still...
But while i fear I am frozen in place...
I wish that i could move by will
But I still have to many fears to face.

I'm like a being of speed and light and agility.
I sway in mad vibration from room to room.
My mind has found wells of new fertility,
and every single petal on my truth will soon bloom.

No one will tear my petals away.

A am a million times unfolding in quiet rooms
In parking lots
In grocery stores

I will force you to feel my presence
You will know my light and love
You will hear my voice and think
differently

The words i speak will change you
as they have changed me.

I am constantly unfolding
in rented houses
in coffee shops
on the highway

Bringing reality to the conversation...

Yeah but how did that make you feel
Okay, but why was that the decision you made.
Did it hurt when your mother passed away
Were you feeling to much pressure
have you ever made a mistake,
and before you answer

know I won't judge, I love you
I want to help you....
Just tell me how it felt when you knew it was real

When you knew it was over,
when you couldn't stop the feel.
Tell me why your angry
and tell me why your hurt

Tell me why deep inside your feeling very burnt.
Your feeling very jaded and you think your shouldn't be
So you've cut yourself off, from them and her and me.

You think your don't deserve to feel justified in this life...
You think you have to struggle alone with all your strife.

Not true, not true,

I am unfolding always
In letters sent to the prison
In Texts to long lost friends
In Conversations on the phone

In saying some things, sometimes, to soon for you to understand....

But you'll get there, I am helping you.

I bleed in shades of grey and white
How dare you question my meaning
and in this time we never reach out
TO those in worser need of preening.

You love to talk about yourself
I can relate to you.
But dear  you ignore my ever cry
When you need to lend an ear too.

I bleed in shades of acrylic gel and
Paste to far along the edge.


You scrap the dried flakes away
after You pushed me off the ledge.

A fly, who was once a maggot
Told me of a story
One of breaking bad habits
And it was kind of gory

The fly he said His name
Had always been the same
But his body had been different
Deep with in he changed.

He said once my flesh was juicy
a pale color I appeared
and in the flesh I would eat the flesh
For those who death had neared.

Eating they decay I made the world a better place
But I no longer eat much as a fly
So I must breed more of my race
We must multiply

Our young, Our youth,
they rid the world of corruption
with out us the dead would
scatter like an eruption

A thousand carcasses
No one to like them clean.

From every scattered verse
To every driven hearse
It all but a domino

The affect is felt
The ripples melt
People either die or grow.

Time is spent
Find whats meant
You either stay or you go.

Your decadence transposes me
I see you there in Jewels and honor
and I am shaken mightily.
With seraphim in my way
I ache for your position.

Light Blinds my mind of such Indulgence
i see slowly more reason for abstinence in all that you do.

You have shown me a worser way
and they call you the pigs.

Those who are disgusting in their wake.
Those who repulse the clean mind .
I see you and I want judgment upon you
But yet again Light blinds my mind
and I still see reason for abstinence in those things you do.

I could never hang you from a cross for your greed,
or for your anger or for your jealousy.
But you would hang me for my acceptance of it.

Oh honey, you plagiarize strokes of dead legends
But thats just because deep with in you are of them
You do things only you could do, which make my mind bend
but then again its you who I always think of with wisdom.

You greatly seperate yourself from those and what is not
Like a golden God is not a calf but a dying fruit is rot.
You question my movement and intention
but see through all the rest into what I am truly.

You know the fires of my ***** burn for your desire
and that this beacon I am streaming is made only for one.
You know that the winds of my plains scream one name
they only scream one name....

And its you, love of a thousand lives
Oh its you, Love like this never dies.

I'm sick of ****, so wasted too
I'm ******* sick youth ****** by you.
I called the cab, who never came
At least before we were the same.

You get to sick you get to ****.
You get under my ******* skin.
Not like the drugs, the needles then
You take me over, i refuse to win.

I need release I need some peace
I need your love to ******* cease.
I'm tired here I'm wasted near
I need no love from you dear.

I'm sick of you. You call me too
Think I'm a friend, an enemy
I'm fed up with you. Just nice to you
I just don't want to be mean.

Seconds seem alot like sand
Falling through the hour glass
Moving with the second hand
Making sure eternity lasts...

Yes minutes seeem alot like
Rulers on a counter top
and music playing music stops.


Hours seem like prison cells
Counting bricks and Record Sales
Waiting for a strangers smile
To Make a better day.

And days get me started but
I would rather leave the door shut
on weeks and months and years
I would rather be here....
Not counting moments in fear
Not planning to shed tears.

Sweet talking delirium
Am I losing my composer
Or are these ancient spirits
truly drawing closer

Have I been given some key
Some formatted puzzle
Something to see
Beyond a rebuttal

Beyond some words that can be drawn false

I wish that you would love me, the way that i love you.
I wish you were sentimental and did the things i do.
I love all of the work you do and how you take care
Its just some times i feel like lifes not fair.
You pay my way and make me proud
please don't misunderstand
You make my heart pound
and I've given you my hand.
But I am a woman insecure
and this i know you know for sure.
So please love me babe like i love you.
Please do the things that i do.

Lick me with your fist
Its all I've ever known

Lose me in the mist
Separation's all I've known

Tell me that you hate me
I want to know how that feels.

You've lead me through this relationship
So guilt free so comforting.

You have given me, lack of shame
Lack of pain
Lack of hate
and I fear it will be to late
when you let go
throw your fist first.
I need to quench this sadistic thirst.

I've been living in some strange world,
and I've been loving being your girl.
You've captured, such a beautiful thing here.

You love me don't you, its clear to me
i think I need you dont I, its easy to see.
You breathe, You breathe and you breathe

Dont choke.
Dont let go.
I want to watch you fade
into the snow...

Winters coming and its making a mess
The snow is freezing the hems of my dress
and I want you I need you I love you soo..

I am ready to watch you fade into the snow.

Dried flowers catch dust just like Archaic decoration

and You told me you loved me in a kind of declaration


I never wept for joy except for joyful pain

and you never told me anything good

Just made me question sane...

My dreams fall like drops from clouds
down to my feet and meet my gaze.
I was never very... Out going...
I never knew how to take what I wanted
I politely waited in silence for it to be given..

And when it never came I just simply
withered away a little bit more, one at a time
the light in my cells faded to a quiet
dim,
barely lit glow and I am just happy they still shine,
even just a little bit.

But I can't lie, the difference, is *noticeable

You move in shades of thought
Exhilaration over comes me
You are the heart I've sought
Your flesh and mind succumb me.

I move to thoughts of you
An Angel and a Demon
You are every thing true
Electrolytes and *****

Similarity confines us
But i see differences too
Our Minds bind us
As we rub each other with glue

You are the savior and I am your wife
You speak through your behavior
I guide you in this life

I am the mother, you my sun
You are my brother
My everything and every one

I have not yet one single thing
To tell you about the inside
My mind is just a simple thing
and you would find it hard to find.

I can't word the thoughts i hear
and I can't write them either
and if i held you near
You may feel it in my ether.

Giving to you was something
I never really understood.

In my mind idea's were formed.
And to love you was simple.

I knew nothing of giving.
I only knew, receive, admire.

I am a woman.

But I have taught myself to forgo
the urge to receive,
and I have taught myself to learn
the pleasure of giving.

And when you say its instinct
and you think you like it better...
When you say its spiritual
and not just secondary weather....

I see the reason.

There there angel face dont cry
I'll move away from the wound
You can lick it by yourself
Ill just watch you

There there
Queen of the ******
You Lovely women
who love your man
You have me driven
you have me band
I am not sorry.


There there
little girl
you squirm
I am you father,
daughter never learn
There there
little child
don't move
I want to see
whats inside you.

You grow like a wild flower
In the middle of spring
You grow with love and Power
Nothing left to give me

I see you there, child, innocent
I see you clear, My lover,

Increments
of Gold,
and mercury
surround you

Dare not old

Age, let if find you

Wither with me
into age
Fade with me
Fade away

Into finality infinitely

We move into

Infinitely
we move into old age

Blank space sits before me,
on the way to the tv or to the lamp.
Its there but I can see through it
I wave my hand to stir the static.
Nothing happens. Nobody Blinks.
Sparks jump like flint here and there.
They fly off my finger tips. Which are cold,
like my bones are mode of ice.
And then I can't stop popping my joints.

Where was I going with this, some place new hopefully.
Some where that my bones can easily melt into my flesh
and I can for once in my life reach relaxation.
A place often ignored by my body.
the base of my spine aches with tension
and I pray to every God there is for relief.
I worship every Idol and go on every journey.
I read every message in hopes of hearing it
Clearly for once.
In hopes of find the way, or a way or something
to hold to.
I know its all about my insides.
Like the kingdom is with in
They say that clearly enough.
But... I think My insides are missing...

Make me Your bark
Your branches and leaves
and be my roots
Which bring me life and peace.

You can relax lay upon the ground
And I can be the one that will hold you down.

Make me your ray
reaching into the sky
Fill me with your love
So that we can both fly

Move through my body
into my depths
Lay on the ground
So that you can rest.

I will cover you With my folds.
I will hold you Until we are old.

So make me your woman
Your love your desire
Make me your ladder
So that we both can climb higher.

Temperament means so little
to the one who lacks control
and  I fly off the handle
Because its all I know.

Self guidance is something missing
From about a every single soul
Each one hunting for blissing
But getting stuck far below.