Sanguine

        new born

                         like the first.


My root is ****** from all the time i spent remembering
all the struggles i spent struggling.


When God winked i thought he wanted me
But then he gestured towards my mother.

How fruedian of me to discover

I was the child and never the lover.

Oh, your giving into your second guesses
Like so many times before
And yet you went to sleep last night,
with your keys still in the door.

Panic never fills you
when the time is right
Show me all your logic
Darkness ridden in its light.

Betray is such an easy word
an easy form an easy play

Hold me against all this world
For one night for all days.

Beg me for my understanding
Oh I'll give you understanding.
Make me your martyr
I will suffer
ever harder.

The thought of you eases my pain mor eeffeciently than any narcotic or numbing agent known to man.
You see me and you love and for this I can  never truly express my gratitude.
You have take the girl who no body ever seemed to love.
My friends, my family, I was there for comic relief.
No one saw the sense in me...
But you sweet and innocent showed them all how valued I truly should have been and with that You left them alone, and took me, with you.
I have been chosen, by an angel, by God, By LUCK itself to be given unto the most beautiful of men to walk this earth.
Christ what ever did i do to deserve this happiness in love.
I suppose all those days spent suffering in youth were the bargain.
Deal well made.

I'm severed heads in
sheets for beds
but lane across a high way.

You want me to comfort you
But seen across the fly way

You lift off a stop to short
and end up in the by way.

I bleed in shades of grey and white
How dare you question my meaning
and in this time we never reach out
TO those in worser need of preening.

You love to talk about yourself
I can relate to you.
But dear  you ignore my ever cry
When you need to lend an ear too.

I bleed in shades of acrylic gel and
Paste to far along the edge.


You scrap the dried flakes away
after You pushed me off the ledge.

Playful like your lips spitting words
that would be painful if you intended them to hurt
but you love me, because i show you your worth
And I need you cause your the only place on earth
I can go to when the noises get to loud
or I'm shaking, in the center of the croud
How you calm me, with just your sound
How you are me, and everything around.

I sometimes wonder if I am an Angel

Or rather fallen from the sky...

Oh honey, you plagiarize strokes of dead legends
But thats just because deep with in you are of them
You do things only you could do, which make my mind bend
but then again its you who I always think of with wisdom.

You greatly seperate yourself from those and what is not
Like a golden God is not a calf but a dying fruit is rot.
You question my movement and intention
but see through all the rest into what I am truly.

You know the fires of my ***** burn for your desire
and that this beacon I am streaming is made only for one.
You know that the winds of my plains scream one name
they only scream one name....

And its you, love of a thousand lives
Oh its you, Love like this never dies.

I'll question the sanity of the world
I'll keep my darker thoughts to myself
I'll pretend trust is real.
I won't breathe.

I won't twitch
I'll stay in line.

Well, I find myself gone silent
In moments when I don't
Want to not say a word
But if i can't I won't

And its horribly depressing
to be self paralyzed
Like I've no voice to speak with
No words my tongue can rise.

So now i sit in wanting
Of expression in this day
But i can't find a single word
To think nor that I'd say.

Dare not to make me enter
Into truth speaking conference
With you I may just let it all
Loose
and then who would keep it tight.

Dear God you know not the things which enter
My mind.
You know not the many ways men have become
So Blind.
You will however wake up, be it now,
in a decade
In a century
and it will feel like a mild injury
assault in the first degree.
You will lick your wounds.
You found out to soon,
Always find out to soon.

You string me like a fish
on the edge of a lake
wanting to swim
but it hurts to take

I see the water and the sun
beaming down
I feel like I am the only one
tied to the ground

Who are you hear, reeling us in
who are you hear, giving our end.

I feel like a fish
strung on the bank
and before i get released
it will be far to late

You love me
With ever drop
of saliva
and tears
and *****....

You love me with ever severed vein
and bruise I put on my own face.

SO dysfunctional
when I punch myself
Like mother always
had done for me.

And I bruise pale greens
and people ask who hit me
and you cringe cause you
know exactly what their thinking

But inside we both know the truth
I hit myself I Abuse my youth.

Sucker for the counterpart, the splitting in to two.
Aching want for embrace, as characteristics are removed.
What beyond these Golden rays and reflections of fresh green,
Could be alive with in my mind, some deep unspoken sheen.
Be it treasure, emptiness, unknown to what i live.
How ever could i take of something which has not been give.
Sucker for the reflection of my own impossibility
Lover of the things i want and all desires with in me.

I fear no higher power, no authority.
that which is above, must have created me

And if i were created if i were exist, then what is purpose for denial.
Acceptance of all this life, understanding comes from trial.

She likes warmth and venom
She says it stings inside
and when you try to lift them
All the bugs crawl and hide

But dont you ever question
where they crawl off too
I know I have been wondering
What they ever will do....

Seems they burrow under
Layers layers of rotten flesh
from trees and plants
and birds and things.


You know I have always wondered
Where they ever will go
when i turn a rock over
and crouch down real low
and all those little bugs and salamanders
run for the hills
they climb inside of holes and caves
it must be quite the thrill
to live with in the earth
a cavern safe and sound

Buggies little slimy things

I see them and my heart pounds.s.

Geometrically eternal
Like a thousand spinning diamonds
Your fish bowl eyes are spiraling
You pisces jesus man.
And I see my imaginary friend
From all those years ago
In my husbands magnetic aura
And I feel a bit like the time travelers wife
As if gods been loving me from the start
I wanted to grow up and marry the clouds and falling rain
Because they new my name
And they looked at me like I was something
To see.

I've been living in some strange world,
and I've been loving being your girl.
You've captured, such a beautiful thing here.

You love me don't you, its clear to me
i think I need you dont I, its easy to see.
You breathe, You breathe and you breathe

Dont choke.
Dont let go.
I want to watch you fade
into the snow...

Winters coming and its making a mess
The snow is freezing the hems of my dress
and I want you I need you I love you soo..

I am ready to watch you fade into the snow.

This month could have been so stressful.
It could have been impressing.
January had the chance to be so beautiul.
A baby I could be dressing.
Regret is such a small word for the way I feel.
I can't believe this course in life, it doesn't feel quite real.

I wish i had, i wish to hold.
Extremely tender, when I should have been bold.
I wish i had you in my arms.
Sadly i could not stop the harms.
You have vanished before we touched.
In my heart i have you clutched.
I don't know why i long for you
but its all I ever do.

She said "your wasted and your wasting time"
She said "your bringing this on yours and mine"
She said "You ****** up and I stopped breathing"
She said "You broke me, now my hearts stopped beating"

He said, "Mine Minds broke and I am about to loose"
He said, "the only thing helping is the *****"
He said " I love you but I love me more"
He said, "i will be the one to clean your blood from the floor"

She said, "honey I need you, and your an hour late"
She said "baby I love you but its turning to hate"
She said "lover I' strong but I'm starting to faint"
She said if you ever get ahold of yourself it will be to late"

And he said "you want me, take me, Like I am"
He said "you say you love but you would love any man"
He said "you want to change me, but thats not the deal"
He said "im telling the truth, and I'm speaking whats real"

She said "dude your a child lost in your own world"
SHe said "I've been here a while but your about to lose your girl"
She said "I've been strong and I conquered my vice"
She said, "now you conquere yours or you leave my life"

Today I accepted whats with in.
This one mind, which is every where.
and I accepted who I have been
and i realized there is no such thing as fair.

Today I opened myself to God and Satan and everything in between.

Because i realize evil is something with in Mans Illusion Dream.

So I'm allowing everything
to just  move through me...

But i still am not aloud to hold on.

I am frightened of holding still...
But while i fear I am frozen in place...
I wish that i could move by will
But I still have to many fears to face.

Passion rolls away

Me I'm feeling pain

I thought that we would grow

I thought that we would gain.

can i get some more, of that from you,
can you give me.... watterloo.
another set back, who would have knew
, i can't tell you what to do.
if it was a fight, i want to lose,
and if it was a song, I'll sing the blues.
Can you just give me waterloo
i can't tell you what to do
give me give me water loo.
If you can i'd know what to do
18 15 your team my team.
play me win me
wake me from a dream.
waterloo
belguim too.
who knew  he would loose.
1815 your team my team
play me wake me lose me in a dream

seven seconds till you wake
Holding you until I ache
Seven seconds till you come
Seven serpents come undone.

Seven holes in the seams of the universe
and seven topics for the streams to converse

Seven days until we made it all
Seven tears until a cries a call.

Seven ways to show you love
seven failures, will end in shove.

Seven lies all right to your face
Seven Idols all in disgrace.

Seven Gaping vortexes waiting to be full
Seven lonely women thinking they are dull
Seven sad sadistic lives, all lived once
Nobody ever died twice.

Your fingers sweet and tented red
you smell of trees and grass
you cherry picker picked  my heart
could love like this so last.

You skin burnt son, You hard hard day
You rest your cherry picking way.
You skin burnt son, You day is done
Rest you may rest you may
Rest your cherry picking way.

You pick your cherries from the tree
live this life like eternally
You cherry picking,  have picked me
live this life like eternity

You skin burnt son oh you wake me up
oh you make me up
oh you make such fun


You skin burnt sun of eternity
turn you cherry picking to me.



oh you skin burnt sun
oh you make such fun
oh you skin burn son
you make me up oh you make me one.

You  make me one

Edgy yeah thats the way I have been
Sick and ******* tired of trying to be a friend.
Tell me now, have you felt that way before.
And if you have, could you tell me something more?

Are you the one always trying to make peace?
Are you the one constantly kissing others' feet?
Are you the one simply wasting away
While you sit and listen to ever one elses day?

**** that, You've been to good to them
And now its time they try to be a friend.
You've listened to their problems, whiny *******.
But if you try to share your art or poetry they wont sit.

They wont listen.
They have better things to talk about.

They dont care about your problems or how you've turned them into art.
They are just waiting for you to shut up so that they can start.

God i ******* hate selfishness.

I stand horrified
at all the ugliness you glorified
at all the pain you try to hide
and all the stories you lied and lied

You never thought you'd be that eater of dreams
But you're edging closer now
to drawing out the sad emotive
of the child you once were
forgetting all those longing dreams
and wishes that you kept
and batting down the doves
flying upward from the minds
of the beautiful youth.

Its psychedelic to lay with you
So I close my eyes.
I watch the darkness come over you
As you slip beneath the lights.

You seem so beautiful
in shades of black and blue
It seems so magical
To just lay here with you.


Its like your glowing
Eyes closed but view is flowing
I can see you in this darkness.

The serpent comes out to coil
Its up and down our spines
She lets us know we are royal
As she dances in curved lines

The Serpent fills me full
I can surge it into you
I can feel you pull
We both know what to do.

Ascension happens here,
In this loving bed.
Ascension happens here!
Not later when we are dead.

Oh how you stare in your infancy
at corners in the room
and how my heart complies with every ahh and ooo
And never did i know if i could love you
but from the moment you were born
I certainly do
and how sorrowful you were on that very first day
and how pain filled the sound of everything you say
When life was brand new, you on earth side
When you came forth and i could no longer hide
all of your beauty the hiccups that you had
when you where with in me but sometimes i feel sad
that now you are hear, live your own life
like when we were one i could hide you from all strife.
And now you will age just like I and your dad
and now you will anger some days you will feel bad
And i wish that i could save you
from all of this world
but our love was your creator
and here you are hurled

and the least we can do is be here for  you
and try our very best to create more for you
a life thats worth living more than we had
Always we are giving, keep you from being sad.

today I tearfully sigh at everything
Not sadly not joyfully
but tearfully.

My face reddens as I listen to the words of others.
Here the sound of the birds out side,
think of my dear friends and lover.
The tears will fall, i can not hide.

Have you ever just ... not thought at all

And in that moment felt a call

a deep panging with in your chest
a deep desire for a very deep rest.
A gull in  your throat, climbing out
emotion from your gut attempting to sprout.

Hot tears will roll and for no reason
You feel this emotion like you are aware of the season.
You know what it is, and that it will be leaving.

But in this moment, its forever and its real,
its the only thing touching you, the only thing you
Feel

I am so sick of nothing I have this angst that wont leave.
I have this hate that can't breathe, I have anger that wants to seethe.
I am so sick of ******* and so sick of breathing and so sick of living when will I be leaving. I am so sick of me, and I ******* love you and this hate that I have  it has nothing to do
with your love and your face and your beautiful voice
Your slow talking pace and your perfection in choice.
You heart and your **** and you name and your whole.
Its not you that makes me sick  its the lining of my soul.

I have this anger that is rotting my tongue and my teeth
this hatred that is budding  and has been for weeks.
and months and years my entire life,.
This hate that i have is causing all strife.

I am ****** and moody and I ******* hate it
I want you to woo me, try to change it
But i have to myself I have to make it.

I just hope i get out before we get jaded.

Satisfaction never quite so painful
as after I looked to you.

For satisfaction never seemed so evil
until you told me what to do.

Intravenously Intertwined,
You just couldn't let me lose my mind.

You could have left me.
If I went to sleep I would have died.
To think i was just resting my eyes.

So tired,
pain brings no rest.  
So wired,
helps me deal with it.

No trust I had none to give.

Collecting my tears in a cup,

collecting will to live.

But it evaportated just as easy as them.

and the drug devoured me limb by limb.
Stale and crunchy Past my date.
Bleeding from the core turning to hate.
Losing myself once more, now who is to create.

The face in the mirror could not be me.
Sunk in and tired, is this the fee?
I'm to used to being waund.  
I dont want her around,
Two me, Two me,
One of me I can not see.
And left for you to choose
which one of me will loose.
I'm still tired, I'm still wore.
My veins, are still, very very sore.
I'm so fragile to delicate to survive
So for just right now I need you to keep me alive.


I dont mind your wieght on my shoulders,
just dont let me get any colder.

Recognition  sparks in your glance,
That hesitance a wall between us.
Gleam of life in the eyes,
but insecurities demean us.

I'd like to reach out, my finger tips, your face
in a starring contest no one wants to win
and no one one wants to lose.

Just eye ball to eye ball reflecting me into you.

Don't shy away now, don't cast your glance downward
as you trace your index along your elbow nervously
I can't even hear your thoughts
yet you fear my judgment.

I want to take you for those things you think

You move in shades of thought
Exhilaration over comes me
You are the heart I've sought
Your flesh and mind succumb me.

I move to thoughts of you
An Angel and a Demon
You are every thing true
Electrolytes and *****

Similarity confines us
But i see differences too
Our Minds bind us
As we rub each other with glue

You are the savior and I am your wife
You speak through your behavior
I guide you in this life

I am the mother, you my sun
You are my brother
My everything and every one

Your decadence transposes me
I see you there in Jewels and honor
and I am shaken mightily.
With seraphim in my way
I ache for your position.

Light Blinds my mind of such Indulgence
i see slowly more reason for abstinence in all that you do.

You have shown me a worser way
and they call you the pigs.

Those who are disgusting in their wake.
Those who repulse the clean mind .
I see you and I want judgment upon you
But yet again Light blinds my mind
and I still see reason for abstinence in those things you do.

I could never hang you from a cross for your greed,
or for your anger or for your jealousy.
But you would hang me for my acceptance of it.

Lick me with your fist
Its all I've ever known

Lose me in the mist
Separation's all I've known

Tell me that you hate me
I want to know how that feels.

You've lead me through this relationship
So guilt free so comforting.

You have given me, lack of shame
Lack of pain
Lack of hate
and I fear it will be to late
when you let go
throw your fist first.
I need to quench this sadistic thirst.

Seconds seem alot like sand
Falling through the hour glass
Moving with the second hand
Making sure eternity lasts...

Yes minutes seeem alot like
Rulers on a counter top
and music playing music stops.


Hours seem like prison cells
Counting bricks and Record Sales
Waiting for a strangers smile
To Make a better day.

And days get me started but
I would rather leave the door shut
on weeks and months and years
I would rather be here....
Not counting moments in fear
Not planning to shed tears.

Weary becomes my heart
in the lessening of sweetness
just to look into your eyes
I hide my own neediness

In such a disguise
you break all of the rules
you believe my pride and fallacy
you believe in fools.

those who say they need not love
those who say they're strong
those who hold it all together
but break before to long.